My Weekend

This past weekend was great! Friday was pretty good. I spent time with a good friend, got to try cooking some new things, which was very interesting, and had one of the best nights I've had in a while. Saturday I dragged my tired self out of bed at a super early hour and went paintballing. That was a blast!!!! At the beginning I wasn't sure I was going to have a good time. My friend and I met the guy that was going to drive us to the field and that was quite interesting. I found myself in the back of an old Suburban filled with people I didn't know, except my friend, flying down the highway at 90 plus miles an hour. "I'm on the Highway to Hell" was blaring from the stereo and the driver was pretending the entire time that he was going to lose control of the car and run into someone. That part I could have done without, but the rest of the day was good. I got to meet some interesting people, one of whom was in the car with us and kept things very entertaining. He was great to talk to and fun to play paintball with. The paintball field itself was quite a new experience for me, but I had so much fun. I imagine that my super competitive self was thriving on the fact that I was playing with mostly men and, of course, being one of the few women, I had to prove myself. But, really, all that aside I had a really good time and I would do it again in a heartbeat. The atmosphere was completely a man's world with rock music blaring from a DeWalt stereo, men in camo, multiple pieces of equipment everywhere you went, very few women to be found, beer by the cartons, and stacks of comic books lying around in case you needed a momentary diversion. I have to say though, most of the men treated me pretty well. There were a few that didn't really like the fact that I was there and I had to restrain myself from killing a chauvinist referee, but most of the guys were really cool. I have a few battle scars such as a swollen knuckle and two bruises the size of a golf ball on both my legs, but there is nothing too terrible. My favorite line of the day came from one of the guys I was playing with and happened when he had to pick between me and another guy for who was going to be on his team: "I pick her because, well, she's a girl and I always prefer girls to guys, and she has awesome nails, and besides, she's got a sweet attitude!" That about summed up my day. It was fun. I want to go again, but I think next time I will go with someone I know so I don't have to play with only people who don't know me and then I have to show them just who I really am.

What I Want To Do

CAUTION: Before you read any further you must know that the following post will be a bit crazy and most likely not make much sense to any of you, but this blog is not just for you; it's for me too. So, proceed with caution!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What I want to do: Go somewhere - anywhere - outside of Tucson for at least a week. I want to see the world, especially Ireland. I want to go to New York and go to the Met and Broadway and Central Park and the Museum of Modern Art and anything else the city has to offer. I want to go rafting and take an ATV down the beaches at Rocky Point and actually ride a motorcycle rather than just look at one and admire it. I want to go to Washington D.C. and see everything - the mall, the buildings, the Smithsonian (all of it), the memorials, the White House, everything. I want just one night when I can go home, turn my music up as loud as I want and be as crazy as I want and not care what anyone thinks of me. I want to be as silly as a I can be (I actually did some of this last night and it was so much fun!) and talk without having to make sense. I want to not have to think or pretend to be intelligent or actually have to use reasoning to explain life and its workings. I want to be free to act completely and totally insane and not worry about the consequences (I know, that's not reality, but remember this is just what I want, not what will happen). I want to be a nice size 6 so that I actually feel like I a woman and not like She-Ra, so I can at least imagine that I am attractive to look at and not just keep striving to be so with out much success. I want some good man to fall madly in love with me (don't worry, I'm not insane; just momentarily delusional) and actually want to marry me and not just date me for a while. I want the ability to be a nice person, even when I'm having a bad day (actually this want can be met; it just takes hard work, sigh). I want the hurts I have to heal so that I don't keep acting on them and hurting those around me, especially the ones I care about most. I want to be loved for me and not for what someone thinks I can or should be, not because I would be loyal and dependable (not that those are bad qualities, but they are not specific to just me), not because I make you feel good, not because you see me as physically attractive (what happens if at some point you don't?), and most of all not because there is just no one else out there within your reach. I want someone to love me - who I am, both the good and the bad (yes, I am aware there is quite a bit of that), the pleasing and unpleasing, the smart and not-so-smart, and everything else that makes up the complex, crazy, absolutely obnoxious person that is me. Wow, I definitely want way too many things!!!!!
OK, so this was a bit of a rant. Sorry. Please don't take anything too seriously; I'm just ranting to say things I don't normally say out loud. Really, I am quite sane; well maybe not. Anyway, no worries, my balance is returning and I will soon return to the person you are used to seeing here, but I must warn that it might happen again. Return to my blog if you dare.