Love

What is love? How do you know you really love someone and it's not just a strong feeling or affection for them? When is it right and when is it wrong? These are all questions I have been asking myself. I think I love someone, but do I really? What motivates my love? Why do I love them? Do I love them for what I will get from them, what they can do for me; or do I love them and my focus is what I can do for them? Do I love them or do I love the idea of being with them? One of my quotes says that love is not about what you get but what you can give, and I know this to be true because when you really love someone the thrill and the enjoyment of that relationship comes from doing things for them and the pleasure it brings you. Sacrifices, big or small, are not something to run from, but rather bring you the most satisfaction. I guess that's why people say that true love is selfless and can have no hint of selfishness in it if it is really love. Is that what I am experiencing with this person I love? Am I willing to lay everything I want and all my desires down to benefit them? Am I willing to do whatever it takes to secure their best and help them in any way I can? If not, then it is not love. Perhaps it is just strong feelings or deeply caring for someone, but it is not love; it can't be according to the definition of love. That's why true love can last and endure through everything. I think what I have and feel is love, but is it?
"Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor will rivers overflow it;
If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love,
It would be utterly despised." Song of Solomon 8:7

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails;
But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
I Corinthians 13:4-8,13

Why Women Want Marriage

My Mr. Darcy asked me an interesting question today. He asked why it was that all women seemed to rush relationships towards marriage much faster than men did. It seemed to him that from the start of the relationship the woman's primary focus and goal was the official wedding day. I thought about this question a lot today. I have heard the idea espoused before but I hadn't given it much thought. Do women really respond that way in a relationship? Is their ultimate goal and all consuming purpose always their wedding day and if so, why? After having thought about it a bit and reasoning a bit I think I can say it probably is true more often than not that women do tend to rush towards marriage much quicker than men, but I wouldn't say it is the actual wedding day they are in a hurry to reach so much as the idea of security that marriage represents. In a relationship if the only commitment is a verbal conceding that there is a mutual interest and care for each person that doesn't really count for much. How many people tell their boyfriends and girlfriends how much they love them and a span of time later decide that they aren't really the person they want to spend the rest of their life with? Too many that I know of. I think most women want a sense of security and they feel that in a relationship that security isn't there until there has been a proposal and a ring given. I would argue that it isn't even the day of the wedding for which they are pushing so hard, but an actual commitment from their partner to stay with them. Somehow nothing can quite assure someone of love and devotion in a relationship like the promise of and the act of marriage . Also, there is the aspect that women want to give themselves completely to whoever it is they are with. They want to love with abandonment, be free to be themselves and still be loved, and feel that their partner is truly their own. Why would you do this without the commitment of marriage? It's risky within marriage, why would you attempt it without the commitment of the other partner to stick with the relationship? Sure, wedding days are nice to dream of and planning your wedding can be the biggest and best time of a woman's life, but I don't think that is what most women are pushing for when they say they want their man to commit. I think it is more a basic need to be reassured that they are worth the commitment of marriage and that their man is strong enough to make that commitment. Of course, in the middle of all this I can't help but wonder just a little about the issues men seem to have with commitment. They are definitely more shy about it than women. I find myself wondering if perhaps it is not that the woman is pushing too hard for a marriage but that the man is scared of the huge leap he is about to make and is afraid to commit. Not that it is a terrible thing to be hesitant in making big decisions, but every man should ask himself if it is his desire to make a wise decision that is driving him or is it fear, and as someone I know once said, fear is never from God. So, Mr. Darcy, in answer to your question, for most women it is not a day they are rushing towards, but a commitment and with it the security and fulfillment it brings.

Sex

Interesting topic, no? I know sex is not the average blog topic but I have a few things I've been wanting to say on the subject for a while and so, now I will. This will by no means be an extensive discussion on sex, nor will it cover every aspect. There is so much to say on the subject and so many good points to make that it could hardly all be written about in one blog post. So, these are just some of my thoughts and observations on this oh so interesting topic. In today's society sex is everywhere. It would seem the media knows of no better selling tool than sex. Everything from cars to clothing to kitchen appliances is being sold using sex appeal. Socially, sex is everywhere. Sleeping with whomever, whenever, however is all perfectly acceptable. Even those whose conscience seems to be somewhat pricked by the fact that they've had numerous partners still don't see it as something truly terrible. It's just a mistake, a bad decision, or poor behavior. I would argue otherwise. Sex is the most sacred thing two people can share. Sex, as it was intended to be, is the highest form of expression of love and is the most intimate you can become with someone. The person that you give yourself to sexually knows you like no one else. Having sex with someone links you to that person not just physically but emotionally. It's almost like giving someone the opportunity to look into your soul and see who you really are. The world's view of sex is one that fits with the idea of us being animals. Sex is merely our drive to procreate and in the process gratify ourselves. Sleeping with someone is not loving that person, rather it is responding to the urge of our hormones and the desires of our physical bodies. It doesn't matter if you engage in sex with multiple partners because there is no real bond between you, merely a common goal of satisfying each other. How sad. Sex is so much more. When God created man He created woman to go along with him. The man needed a partner, someone that would help him. When God created woman He made her from the man, further making the point that the man would not be complete without the woman and now woman would not be complete without the man. The solution? Marriage. The two would be joined together in order to compliment and complete each other. The one without the other was incomplete; they needed each other in order to be the whole person God intended each of them to be. To seal this union, God designed the man and woman to be joined together not only spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, but physically - the two would become one flesh. Their physical union would be the ultimate union and completion of each other, a symbol of their oneness. Sex was never intended to be merely a physical act that gratifies one physically. It was intended to be an expression of love for the one that completes you, a joining together that makes the two inseparable. It was meant to bring the man and woman together and make their relationship stronger. It lets each know how much they need the other and reassures them that they are loved, of value, and complete when they are joined with their spouse. Outside the bounds of marriage sex looses it's sacred purpose. It becomes cheap and impotent, unable to accomplish what it was designed to accomplish. Sure, it may still feel good, it may satisfy you (at least short term), but it can never be what it should be. It becomes something animalistic with none of the expressions of love and care that make it truly wonderful. Instead of being something that brings two people closer, improves their relationship, and strengthens their commitment to each other, it is something totally selfish and becomes an instrument of destruction ultimately causing pain and heartache not only for the two people involved but anyone else they may have a relationship with in the future. It's almost ironic how sex is touted as such an alluring thing in situations that render it only a fraction of what it really could be and was intended to be. It's like baking a cake with none of the ingredients but flour and water and then decorating it and serving it. It may look appealing but it is not anything like a real cake. While you may be fooled by the imitation, once you've had the real thing the counterfeit is so glaringly noticeable as such. So why do so many people sell out and settle for something far inferior to the real thing? Because waiting is hard and living for yourself, as most do, demands that you satisfy your every desire with little to no thought of how it will affect others. What is tragic is that those who choose to trade the real for the counterfeit don't see that they are cheating themselves and are trading something incredible for something that has no worth or value. The real thing is so incredible and of such value that it should be guarded and treated as such. Waiting to have sex as it was intended to be had gives it its proper due and ensures that when you do engage in it the experience will be amazing and completely worth the wait. Truly, the best things come to those who wait.

Why?

You know, the past few days I have run across some strange things and had a few things happen that have left me wondering "why?". I am sure that my experiences are not anything too out of the ordinary, but that doesn't make me feel any better. Why is that the ordinary? If you are faint of heart you best not read any further for I am about to rant. I am sick of reading in the news about deranged teachers who engage in sexual activities with their students. Go find a consenting adult, you insane lunatic! Not only is it the age old issue of the male teacher becoming a little too interested in his female students but now it's women getting involved with young junior high boys and even girls. What are they thinking?! Is there a national movement to enlist more insane people than ever into the education industry? Who did background checks on these people and let them around these students? Why do so many of them feel this is acceptable behavior and even have the nerve to say they are "in love" with their students? Was there a national deficiency in emotional development ten to fifteen years ago so that those who are now adults never made it out of the hormone crazy adolescent years? Sheesh! What is going on?!!!! Second issue, John Edwards encouraging people to protest the war on Memorial Day. Up to this point I have not written about anything political, but this is enough to get me really mad. As someone who works with veterans, who knows people both in my family and out who are deployed over seas, who works with students who have a father fighting in Afghanistan right now, and who has just a general respect for those who have served and have given their lives to ensure freedom in this nation I am disgusted by this man. Talk about politicizing an issue! This man has absolutely no interest in what is going on in the war. His goal is votes, and while that is not a horrible goal to have, he should be a bit more careful about how he goes about reaching that goal. This protest would be a huge injustice to our veterans. Memorial Day is for remembering the sacrifices they made and the accomplishments they achieved. The focus should be on them and not on someone trying to win an election with charismatic phrases that have pretty much no foundation to them. If you are in doubt as to whether or not my opinion is correct, stop a veteran and ask them what they think. They view the day as time to stop and remember those who served this country and those who gave their lives for it, not as an opportunity for someone to make a political point about their opinion on our current engagement. Protesting the war is every American's right, and if that's what you believe is the right thing to do, do it. But don't, on a day we have set aside to honor our veterans, take the spotlight away from those who have done so much and have asked for so little in return.
Third issue, though not as significant as the others, older men who continually flirt with younger women. These men are married with children and yet they see no problem trying to impress the much younger girl they run across at work or elsewhere. I'm sorry, but it just disgusts me. Maybe females should be flattered at the attention, but all I can help thinking is, "Your poor wife!" Why don't they spend their energy on her? I'm sure she is not so terrible that they couldn't manage to at least pretend they are still attracted to her. If it was a once in a while thing, that would be one thing, but I know men that it is a habit with and it's just wrong. Plus, the girl is then put in an awkward situation and she is made to second guess herself and wonder how she is supposed to interact with that person. UGH! It's this type of behavior that makes one want to give up on the male gender. If there are any of you wondering why men have such a bad rap with so many women, this is a good starting point for explanation. I'm not saying all men are like this, but I have encountered so much of this in the last two weeks that it is enough to discourage any sort of hope that such behavior is not inherent to men.
So, that is my ranting for now. I hope nothing was too harsh for you all to handle.

Feminism

In today's world it is almost expected that if you are a strong woman with any sort of opinion or intelligent thought processes then you must be a feminist. I reject that thinking with everything in me. I have never, nor will I ever be a feminist. I have had my issues with men and I have struggled with a strong hatred or resentment of men in general. There have not been many men in my life who were decent human beings and knew how to treat someone with love and respect. Most of the friends I had growing up had no father to speak of. My world was very much female-dominated and there was usually plenty of male-bashing to be had. I can think of only a handful of men that I knew that were good fathers, loving husbands, kind people who knew how to be real men. In my short adult life I have been treated with disdain more than once simply because I am a woman. I have been turned down for jobs, been made to feel that I am not good enough, been patronized, been propositioned with trading "my services" for something that should have been mine without anything in return, and even had my intelligence ridiculed all because I am a woman. Is this infuriating? Absolutely. Does it make me feel like I have to prove something? Yes. Does it make me hate men? Thankfully, I can finally say, no. Yes, the above experiences do leave a bad taste in your mouth and it is easy for me to see how the feminist line of thinking was developed and then fostered among women. I am sure that my experiences are not anything close to some of the things other women, especially those in earlier generations, experienced. I cannot imagine being told I could not vote merely because I was a female, or being told I could not study any field I wanted to because my small female mind couldn't comprehend certain things. I would definitely revolt against anything like this and I am so glad that women who came before me did. However, there are some things about the feminist ideals that I simply cannot accept because they are just as dangerous to women as the male-chauvinist thinking that is still existing in our society today. Asserting that women are just like men or that they can do anything a man can do is setting us up for failure because the truth is we can't and to demand that of ourselves is unreasonable just as demanding of a man that he give birth is unthinkable. One of the great things about the human race is the fact that there are so many differences and gender is a part of this. The differences between men and women should be viewed as assets and not be used to brow beat one or the other. Both sexes have their good points and their bad. Women should be treated with equality but they should not use their fight for equality to crush everything about men, including the good. Maybe I'm lazy or just too old-fashioned but I don't mind one bit if a guy wants to hold a door open for me or gets out of the car to pump the gas when we are at a service station. I don't mind if he wants to do the heavy lifting or wants to do anything for me that he can do better than I could. I am not offended in any way. I know I can hold my own and I work hard, but I am not offended in the least if a guy wants and actually offers to help me with something. Maybe I'm just dumb, but I think it's sweet and I find myself wishing there was more of that sort of chivalrous behavior nowadays. I like feeling like I'm special (not weak) because I'm a woman. I don't think that allowing a man to treat you with honor and respect is a sign that they think less of you or are patronizing you in any way. I just think they actually care about you enough to notice that you may need help and then do something about it. The other thing I think is a travesty, and I mentioned this a few weeks ago in a post, is the way in which feminists have made it non-PC to be a man. The message is: don't assert yourself, think more like a woman so you can be in-tune with women, never appear stronger than a woman, get in touch with your feminine side. No, all feminist don't assert this, but it is a direct result of feminist thinking and ideology. Feminists assert that women and men are equal and they do this by making women appear more masculine and men more feminine. The problem is that this takes away from the intrinsic good qualities of both genders. Men are forced to become more female in their thinking and as a result, many times they lose the qualities that define them as men. There is nothing more pathetic, in my opinion, than a man who is lead around by a female. It's truly sad to see a man who allows a woman to run all over him and he never says anything about it, never puts his foot down and demands that she stop for one instant and actually listen to what he has to say, and above all never takes the lead in the relationship and acts the part of the man. In contrast, there is nothing more attractive, in my opinion, than a man who is not afraid to actually stand up for what he thinks, takes great pride in taking the lead in a relationship, is not afraid to put a woman in her place if it is necessary, wants to protect those he cares about, and knows how to be a strong man. Speaking strictly for myself and my female way of thinking, there is nothing more assuring than the firm grasp of a man's hand or being held in a man's strong arms and there is nothing quite like feeling safe in the presence of a man who you know will do anything to protect you. No, I'm not saying that women are to be mousy, or lorded over by men, or never have a role in a relationship. I'm not saying that men should be totally domineering and ungentle. I'm saying both people play an important part, but neither one can play the other's role better than the gender for which that role was intended. Men fail miserably at being the women in a relationship and women never can quite pull off the male role. I guess I could sum it all up by saying that while I agree and would fight for more equality among the sexes I wouldn't trade the inherent differences for the world, and that is what feminism seeks to do, at least at some levels. I am all for being a strong woman and I'm even for being independent, but I am also 100% for men being strong and even what some would consider domineering in some instances. How else is one going to sweep me off my feet?
A quote just for fun:
"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."
--Timothy Leary

Are Women Impossible to Please?

Wellllll, yes and no. If I wanted to be completely scientific or mathematical I would have to say yes. There is the possibility that women can be pleased. Now, whether or not that possibility is very large or is actually a probability is another story all together. I would have to say that for most men it is pretty nigh unto impossible to please a woman. It takes dedication, determination, an ability to be in tune with what is going on in that woman's mind, and an overall sensitivity to what makes her happy; and let's face it, most guys are none of the above. This is definitely a flaw in the male make up, but it's there so deal with it. Men are definitely not the caretakers in any relationship. Remember, God said that man needed a helper, not woman. Now before all you huge male ego maniacs come after me just bare with me a moment. The way I see it, men have a drive to make sure their wife, family, whatever is taken care of. For most men I know this is actually a pretty strong drive in their lives and it pushes them to work and make sure they are the provider in a given situation. Women play a different role. They take care of the men in their lives. They are supposed to be there to help men, whether that be giving them support, helping them stay organized, encouraging them in whatever it is they are doing, or just telling them how much they mean to you and how glad you are that they are around. Women need to feel protected and secure and men can offer that. Men need to feel good about themselves and feel like they are important and women can offer that. The trouble starts when women expect men to be more than what they are and men fail to recognize they needs women have. Are women impossible to please? Not always, but they do tend to have the habit of being very demanding and accepting nothing less than perfection from their man. Men make this worse by not paying attention to the warning signs that something is up and then not even trying to do anything about it. A woman who complains that her man didn't do exactly what she wanted is pathetic and inexcusable, but a man who doesn't even try to please his woman is just as pathetic. So, I guess you could say that women can be pleased but it takes some doing on both men and women's parts to do so.