Words

Though these words are not my own they are very much a comfort to me at this moment.

You say you lost your hope; What's the point in going on and on?
At the end of your rope, You just want to let go and fall,
'Cause this complicated life Gets too hard to understand;
The pain is like a knife, Destroying all your plans;
And you're spinning into nowhere, And losing all control,
'Cause there's just too many scars On your body and your soul.

But in the middle of it all, In the middle of the darkest night
Lift your head and tell your heart To walk by faith and not by sight.
In the middle of it all
There's a loving God Who's holding out His hand,
And if you reach for Him He'll catch you when you fall
In the middle of it all.

You say you're doing fine, And even though you always wear a smile
Deep inside your mind You haven't been at peace for quite a while.
When everybody leaves And you're left to face the fears
All those things that you believe Are no longer very clear.
And you're haunted by the failures And the insecurities
And the shadows fall so hard That it drives you to your knees

In the middle of the secret shame, in the shadow of the private pain,
All across your broken dreams, in the middle of it all

But in the middle of it all, In the middle of the darkest night
Lift your head and tell your heart To walk by faith and not by sight.
In the middle of it all
There's a loving God Who's holding out His hand,
And if you reach for Him He'll catch you when you fall
In the middle of it all.

Psalm 23
The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

No Words

Can't write today but I will post some music.

Love

What is love? How do you know you really love someone and it's not just a strong feeling or affection for them? When is it right and when is it wrong? These are all questions I have been asking myself. I think I love someone, but do I really? What motivates my love? Why do I love them? Do I love them for what I will get from them, what they can do for me; or do I love them and my focus is what I can do for them? Do I love them or do I love the idea of being with them? One of my quotes says that love is not about what you get but what you can give, and I know this to be true because when you really love someone the thrill and the enjoyment of that relationship comes from doing things for them and the pleasure it brings you. Sacrifices, big or small, are not something to run from, but rather bring you the most satisfaction. I guess that's why people say that true love is selfless and can have no hint of selfishness in it if it is really love. Is that what I am experiencing with this person I love? Am I willing to lay everything I want and all my desires down to benefit them? Am I willing to do whatever it takes to secure their best and help them in any way I can? If not, then it is not love. Perhaps it is just strong feelings or deeply caring for someone, but it is not love; it can't be according to the definition of love. That's why true love can last and endure through everything. I think what I have and feel is love, but is it?
"Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor will rivers overflow it;
If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love,
It would be utterly despised." Song of Solomon 8:7

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails;
But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
I Corinthians 13:4-8,13

A Little Note

Week has started CRAZY!!!!! But that's ok. I am spending a huge amount of time trying to figure out how to use the program I need for my research. I feel like a total moron, but, no worries, that will pass. Actually, I am really enjoying having something to do and being able to learn something new at the same time is really exciting. I finally feel like I have my life in order and I have a path I am following, a plan towards reaching my goal. There are a hundred opportunities on the horizon and it's nice that my only problem there is figuring out which one I want to take. I'm still looking for a job but the need doesn't seem to be as pressing now that I am throwing myself full force into my research. I have now figured out why I liked being in school so much: it wasn't the learning necessarily; it was not having to focus on personal problems and situations that arise when you have too much time on your hands. Really, school or learning is a nice distraction and I am finding that my brain feels so much better when it is actually working and facing challenges than when it is lying dormant waiting for some sort of stimulation from anywhere possible. So, I am super busy, as always, and I am very happy at the moment. Life is good, God is GREAT, and I am so glad I can experience Him everyday in so many ways in my life.
Oh, ya, and I updated my photo albums a bit. I promise to do more later. Enjoy!!!!!