I Think He Really Loves Me

When he holds me in his arms my whole world stops. My knees grow weak and I melt in his arms. When he walks in a room by heart skips a beat and a smile tugs at my lips. When he kisses me I tingle from head to toe. When I look in his eyes I see they are warm with love and when he touches me his hands emit loving tenderness. He is gentle and tenderhearted, yet strong. He waits to go to bed each night until we have said good night. He stops his work to accept a hug from me and has a goofy grin on his face as he returns to his duties. He sends me flowers and love notes and calls just to chat. Yes, I think I really loves me. He holds me when I cry and cheers me when I'm sad. He comes over just so he can be with me even when we can't sit down and spend time with each other. He asks for my opinion and listens to my advice. He encourages me to pursue my hopes and dreams and is one of the loudest fans in my cheering section. He helps me do the hard things in life and never lets me quit when I shouldn't. He shares his life with me and is always willing to share mine. He always reassures me that he loves me and I think he really does.

Relief

It's over, and I am relieved. For the past two and a half years I have been working in an environment that is not good for anyone let alone someone who is dealing with major life issues. But this Friday it all came to an end. I have never been so excited to leave a place in my whole life. It took a lot to keep myself from floating as I walked out of my place of employment. I wanted to cry as I drove home. Cry from relief, cry that is was all finally over, cry that it had taken so long to get to this point. I was glad things had ended amicably. It really was time for me to go. The decision was good for me; good for my employer. I spent the night at home last night trying to recover from the stress I have been under. I slept for ten hours straight and could have slept some more if I hadn't had things to do this morning. Finally. I cannot express how much I have needed this. The stress in my life has been growing to monumental proportions for the past four years and it has only been in the past few months that I have been able to start whittling away at the mountain. I am actually beginning to make some progress and I am so happy I am. January was the climax of a lot of things for me and I am so glad it is done and over with. I accomplished a lot but I also suffered a lot. Thankfully there is a new horizon in front of me and I look forward to the journey with much anticipation. Getting sleep helped. I feel better than I have in a long time, but there is more work to do. I need to recover fully and that will be my single-most important goal in the coming days. I will keep you posted as I progress. I hope it will be interesting.

How Do You.........?

How do you deal with a world you feel like is spinning out of control? How do you plan for a future that feels uncertain? How do you keep going when you're not sure where you are going? How do you take the next step when you don't know what the next step is or where it will take you? How do you forget what you have experienced and focus on who and what you are today when the experiences of the past helped shape who you are? How do you let go of the things that have become so much a part of you? How do you let someone go when you love them so much? How are you to pretend that things don't hurt when they very much do? How do you pretend life is a bed of roses when it is a path of thorns and thistles? How do you learn to avert your gaze from all that is wrong and focus on the things that at least appear to be right? How do yo learn what is enough and what is too much? How do you live? How do you tell those you love the most that you must part ways and go separate paths? How do you stop missing them and wanting them to still be on the same path as you? How do you learn to make new ties when the wounds from the old ties are still very real? How do you keep telling the truth when everything around you seems to be lies and deception? How do you learn to distinguish reality from ideals? How do you determine what you can actually do and what is an elusive dream you are constantly reaching for? How do you tell someone they mean the world to you without letting them think they own you? How do tell someone you want to spend the rest of your life with them when they don't want to hear it? How do you relate what you want or need without making someone feel obligatory towards you? How do you learn to fit into the social "norms" that are expected of you when you have spent twenty plus years just being you? How does someone see you as you are and like that but then want you to be someone else? How do you change as you need to without being untrue to who you really are? How do you decide what change is good and necessary and what it not? How do you learn to live in a new place, in a new environment when you feel like a visiting alien?

Tonight

I am sitting at home eating an amazing bowl of spaghetti, watching my favorite show and enjoying my first bit of sunshine for the day. Yes, that's right, my day's been a bit of a disaster. I suppose I shouldn't complain because everyone has one at some point or another. I just wish I didn't seem to have them quite so frequently these days. I have been telling myself for the last month that after January life will be much better; I just never took into account that building up to that point would be so stressful. Oh well, at least I have my spaghetti. =D My last semester ended well. It was really tough but when all was said and done I was more than happy with the outcome. Then I had an amazing two week break. I went to the Eastern United States and had such a wonderful time. I saw so many great things and meet so many fascinating people as well as see family and old friends. I had the greatest surprise ever when the love of my life made one of my all-time dreams come true. He took me to the New York City Ballet to see the Nutcracker. It was so beautiful! I have never been happier in my life. I also went into the New England countryside and there was snow and everything was so storybook like. I was literally in a winter wonderland for two whole weeks. I was sad to leave it but I was happy to return home. When I got back, there were several things waiting for me that I had to take care of. It seems the month of January had multiple things planned for every single day of the month. *Sigh* Among those things to take care of were graduate applications and the beginning of school. I am half done with the month and I still have so much to do!!!! But, tonight I am recovering from my horrendous day and not feeling bad about doing so. I have homework to do and things that are due, and they will get done, but tonight I am resting. Hmmm. Guess that's all for now.