Breathing

Well, I survived yesterday and I'm feeling much better about today. The Lord was so good to me and sent me just the right person to talk to. I still have an hundred and one questions rolling around in my head but I have peace now too. It's that peace that passes all understanding and calms your soul in the midst of the fiercest storms. I don't know what today or tomorrow hold for me but I do know the One Who holds both of them and He does love me and want the best for me. I know that if I keep my gaze fixed on Him and trust Him He will carry me through and accomplish His will.
I also received some pretty sad news yesterday and that has kept me pretty preoccupied. It's not devastating news, but it is sad. It's always funny to me to see how I will react to things. I thought I had myself and my emotions in this situation pretty much under control but for some reason I couldn't keep the tears from streaming down my face last night. I think it was probably a release for me because I hadn't done that in a while and in this particular situation it was a lot of emotions to keep pent up, so I am glad for the release. Just wish I could learn to do it without crying.
To sort of sum up my life at this moment: I'm having some hard struggles, I am experiencing loss, and I am learning to lean on the Everlasting Arms more than ever before in my life.

HELP!

What's in my mind? What is going on in my head? What am I thinking or can I even call this thinking? There is definitely no rationality to it. AHHHHHH!!!!! I can't get it to stop. I want to throw caution to the wind, I want to be extremely impulsive, I want to do something drastic. I feel like I'm trapped and the only way out it to blow something up. But then, there is a still small voice inside my head that keeps telling me not to do something stupid, to just wait, hold myself back and wait because things will work out. How do you kill your thoughts and trust that still small voice? I can only think of two things that will help me. I must remind myself that I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me and I am not supposed to give up in dong the right thing because in the end I will have all the benefits I want if I don't give up. But, oh, how hard that is and of very little comfort to me at this moment. Gotta fix my gaze ahead, gotta not look behind or beside me, gotta endure.

The Last Four Days

I have been in East Texas for that past four days and it was quite the adventure. I drove there with my seven siblings. A 20 hour drive with all of us in one vehicle -- imaging all the "fun" we had! Actually, it was a pretty good time. There were a lot of laughs, some grumpiness, and a whole lot of sleeping to waste away the time. When we got to our destination we spent two days with my massive family. There were at least 40 members of my family that we said hello to and visited with. At the end of each day we were exhausted just from talking all day. But, it was a good trip. It was really nice to be back in East Texas. The weather was beautiful and the green trees and grass was a nice switch from the Tucson scenery. It was nice to walk down the street, recalling all the summers I spent there. Of course, I learned that walking was not something the locals do. After my second walk down the main city streets I fond out why. My sisters and I had more cat calls and men stopping their cars to talk to us than we ever do in Tucson. So much for a sweet small Southern town! It was really nice to see all my family members again and catch up with everyone on what they had been doing over the past few years. The nicest part of the trip was that fact that I wasn't at work. It always amazes me how God works. My trip wasn't a joy ride by any means, but it did provide an opportunity for some breathing space that I desperately needed and couldn't have come at a more opportune time. Besides, I found some awesome chocolate while I was there and that will keep me happy for at least the next few weeks. All kidding aside, I was afraid the trip would end up being a sad one but the Lord was more than gracious, He spared me and my family from a devastating heartache, and He gave time to spend with each other away from the crazy everyday norm of our lives. I really enjoyed myself, had several really good laughs, shed a few tears, got lots and lots of hugs (yea!!!!), and was happy to return home last night. So, now I am facing the week with a bit more encouragement than I've had in a while and I am hoping things will remain at least calm enough to deal with on a rational level. = ]

What's Up

Just when you think you have a handle on life things get even more hectic than they were. Last week things were super crazy for me. I finally had enough of my boss's craziness and decided to do something about it, I ran into numerous problems with the program I am using for my research, and my relationship issues seemed to be something I just couldn't get a handle on. Then, over the weekend thing calmed down. I regained my composure, took a deep breath and was ready to plunge in again this week, but starting with Monday then went haywire again. The problems at work that started last week carried over to this week and then I found out some bad news from my family. Now I am looking at going on a sudden trip that will last at least three days. I packed early this morning, never tell a woman she has an hour to pack for three days, and then I went to work. To be honest the time off from work would be nice given the environment there hasn't exactly been pleasant, but the circumstances which have called me away are not pleasant in the slightest. So, I am essentially leaving a horrible situation to enter one that brings me no joy and will be hard to deal with. I guess that is how life is sometimes. It runs in cycles, some good areas and some bad.