Being Positive

I am not naturally of the disposition to be positive. I tend to notice all the terrible things in life and I have an innate knack for picking up on all the flaws around me. My sisters used to kid me that I should be a critic of some sort and then I could make money off my observations and opinions. But, I found that being negative all the time leaves you feeling pretty gloomy. You are always sad or depressed and you are never happy with what you have or what is happening. So, I started down the path of trying to change that part of who I am. It has been a rough path to follow, but I am getting better at it and I usually do best when I sit myself down and give my self a good talking to. Today I had to do just that. I was feeling pretty low. I miss my family, a lot, and I am not so happy with something in my life at the present. I was getting that very depressed feeling and didn't want to do much of anything. I could barely get out of bed this morning and drive to work. Sure, I could blame it on being tired, but truthfully, I was just depressed and feeling really down. So, I got to work and was getting ready to start my day and I decided that I didn't want to feel pessimistic all day. I didn't want to fight feelings of despair and loss for the next 18 hours. I told myself to straighten up and stop all this moping. I could either take what life and God had handed me and be satisfied with it or I could sit around being disgruntled and feeling sorry for myself. I decided that I didn't feel any better when I succumbed to the depression and opted to be positive. I made myself laugh, I made myself look at the day as a gorgeous day that I was happy to be alive in, and I made myself be happy. I decided that I was going to be positive, that I was going to see this as a day that the Lord had made and I was going to be happy and glad in it. It was a split-second decision, but it changed my day. This has been a good day, I am happy to be alive and living this day out, and I am sure that there are worse things in life than the things I have been given to handle, and even if there aren't there would still be something positive to look at even in the midst of the worst situation. So, here's to looking at the brighter side of things, to purposing to be positive, and living a joyful life no matter what is going on around me.

My Day ?! ?! ?! ?!

Wow! My day has been so different. I can't say it's been full of adventure exactly, but somehow it feels that way. It started rather early this morning with me being sort of agitated, mostly because what I wanted for breakfast I couldn't make. Work was alright for the first three hours. After that, well, I won't even go there. I don't think there are words to describe the absolute infernous situation that is my job. So, after work I sat outside for an hour or so and read because my ride was late picking me up. I did enjoy the reading and outside was beautiful today, so, no big deal that my plans were a little off at that point. The problem came when my ride finally showed up and got me home with 5 minutes to grab clothes and put them on and then rush out the door to a performance. Needless to say I looked rather interesting when I arrived at the place we were performing, but smiling and pretending you know what you are doing will do worlds for you. Oh ya, and the 20 minute car ride to get there did help me pull myself together at least somewhat. The performance was great and I actually enjoyed myself. I then went home to watch my nephew and realized there was nothing to eat for dinner. I solved this by concocting some rice dish and spending the next hour in the kitchen getting it ready. When done, I sat down for dinner and to decide whether or not I was going to spend anymore time in the kitchen. As it turned out, I was missing some necessary ingredients for what I wanted to make and that canceled any further plans for cooking. I did a piano practice, lay on my couch and watched the amazing view from my living room window and then decided to take my nephew on a walk. When we got outside the front door there was an amazing, exceptionally vibrant rainbow in the sky. It was huge and the dark clouds in the background gave it the perfect backdrop for showing off its colors. We continued our walk but it started to rain. After walking around in the rain for about 15 minutes, watching a storm roll in, and hearing thunder and lighting grow closer I decided it was time to go home. I must admit that the little kid in me wanted very badly to stay out in that storm, but it was not to be. Back at home, my nephew settled down in the living room with one movie on the TV and one on his DVD player while I talked to my grandmother on the phone for a while. I came back to the living room and thought I was going to lose my mind with both things going at one time, but when my sister came in and started playing her violin I knew I was going to. There was the television blaring, a song playing on the DVD player and violin scales being run. Totally crazy!!!!!! This went on for about 30 minutes and then I had only the TV and the DVD to contend with again. Around 9 o'clock I sent my nephew to bed and I turned on something I wanted to watch. It was a thriller. I was sitting in a dark living room with a thunder storm going on outside watching a scary movie. Hmm. That sounds intelligent. It worked out well though. I was scared out of my mind by the time the movie ended and with my heart racing I gladly turned the TV off. Now I'm wondering how much of that movie I am going to see in my dreams tonight. Really, the guy was so creepy. Ugh, gives me chills to think about him. So, that was my very eventful/non-eventful day and I'm writing about it because the thought of going straight to bed after watching that movie was unthinkable. Now that I've written this I will attempt sleep.

NOTE: Have you ever looked for something your whole life, hoped it really existed, prayed your dream would come true and then been shocked and surprised and even scared when you wake up one day and realize you've found it? My automatic response: How do you know it is what it appears to be and in fact is the very dream you have wished for?

Today

This weekend was really good. I came out of it feeling so refreshed. Taking time to stop and spend some quality time with the Lord was very helpful. My pastors have been preaching on "The Challenging Church in a Disturbed World" and it has been challenging to listen to. In looking at my life I can see so many areas that are definitely in need of repair. So, I am re-evaluating things and trying to take an inventory of my life and remove anything that is offensive to the Lord or would keep Him from having His way in my life. It's not fun to look at yourself and take note of all the things that are wrong but Jesus is so faithful to help you clean up the messes that you make. I have so much peace right now and a new sense of hope that He will work all things together for good. So I have been a little overly cheerful today, but I can't help it. I feel so relieved, so free, so at peace with God and I am excited about what He is doing not only in my life but in my church and in the lives of those around me. There are still struggles and there will be hard things to face, but I know that Jesus will be with me every step of the way and I am able to do all things through Christ Who strengthens me. I also got to rehearse a lot of really fun music this weekend because my group is performing tomorrow at noon for Cinco de Mayo. I love Latin music!!!! It is so much fun to play and sing.
On a tangent, for some reason I am feeling really in the mood to publish poetry. Maybe it's from grading my kids literature homework this afternoon. Who knows. So, I'm going to post some. These two poems are from two of my absolute favorite authors.
A Psalm of Life -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream! -
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not the goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Finds us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though not stout and brave,
Still like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, - act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead.

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

TO F-----S S. O-----D -- Edgar Allen Poe
Thou wouldst be loved?- then let thy heart
From its present pathway part not!
Being everything which now thou art,
Be nothing which thou art not.
So with the world thy gentle ways,
Thy grace, thy more than beauty,
Shall be an endless theme of praise,
And love - a simple duty.

Tomorrow I will post on my adventures helping a friend with her middle school adventures!!!

A Good Day

Today was and still is a good day. I enjoyed so many things about this day. I think my favorite was playing in the water with my nephew and a couple of the girls at the school where I work. We were watering plants with a hose and before we knew it we were watering each other as well. So I had no shoes on, my feet and legs were covered in mud, my clothes were wet and I was having the best time. My nephew was, of course, thrilled to be totally covered in mud and pretty close to soaked. The girls were shrieking first because they sprayed me with the hose and second because I was spraying them. It was fun. I hadn't done anything like that in a while. Now I'm wishing it was summer and I could do that every day. Soon enough though. Anyway, there were other things that were good about this day but no need to post them here. Mainly, I am just enjoying life and where I am at. There are hard times and rough things to go through, but there are also all the good times and the great experiences that make life worth living. There is beauty to be found in the darkness of a night, but the best part is that there is always a sunrise to watch the next morning.

*About Me* I love learning about and experiencing different cultures. This is most likely a result of two things. First, my mom has traveled the world quite extensively and brought back various things from around the world. So, I grew up with several artifacts from different countries that all had a story to go with them about a people and culture different from mine. Secondly, my family had many exchange students stay with us when I was in junior high and high school. We had students from Mainland China, Taiwan, Japan, and Central Africa. These students taught me a lot about how perspectives of life and living can change depending on how and where you grew up. These experiences with cultures other than my own sparked a curiosity in me and a fascination for things foreign to me. That part of my upbringing I wouldn't change for the world.