It's Saturday morning and I am finally enjoying a little bit of down time. As per the usual, my down time results in me thinking up an hundred and one grand ideas but very little energy or motivation to get them done. However, it's not all bad. Usually one or two of my grand ideas manages to hang on and I do end up working on something. My question this time is, what's the next big thing for me? What area of my life do I focus on so that I can make a big difference in that area? Over the past year I have found it very difficult to juggle all the things I am working on, all the roles in life I am trying to play, but recently, I feel like that has started to change. I am starting to become more comfortable with my work and get into a routine there that allows me to meet my obligations and do my job well. I am becoming more intentional about taking care of myself and managing my health. I have somewhat of a handle, albeit a small one, on maintaining my house and taking care of providing good food for me and my husband. There is still a TON of work for me to do, but I feel as though I am finally starting to get the hang of it.
So, what does that mean for my grand ideas? Well, I don't know. What I do know is that I work best when I have a project I am working on or I have a specific goal I am trying to attain. I guess that's where my grand ideas come in. Those grand ideas keep me going, they keep me moving and motivated to do more. When I don't have any grand ideas, or things I am working on, I fall into being lazy and even depressed. Working is good for me and working toward something that excites me is even better. Grand ideas are a good thing.
That all being said, which of my grand ideas should I focus on next? I don't have an answer for that question right now, but I do have an idea that will help me decide. I've decided that the next thing I work on should be something I can blog about. This blog helps me think through things and motivates me to do things, so it would act as a great support in helping me complete my next big scheme. As for which scheme I should start next, here are a few of the ideas I have:
Trying new recipes each week that are healthy and budget friendly that I can also complete with my busy schedule
Organizing my house and trying new ways to streamline the process of home maintenance.
Writing movie, music and books reviews as an outlet to express myself
Writing about health trends and products that I have used or found useful
Resuming writing my book and making some good progress
These are all ideas that will take a lot of work on my part, yet I really would like to complete all of them. However, I know that I can only tackle them one at a time. That means I need to pick just one and focus on that. Perhaps it should be the most pressing one or maybe the most exciting one. I don't know. Let me get back to you on that. In the meantime, if you have any preferences as to which idea you would like to see me posting about here on the blog, leave me a comment and let me know. I would love the feedback!
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Contradictions and An Apology
I've been reading through some of the old posts on my blog, and in doing so, I've noticed several things. First, writing in one giant block of text is really not a good idea. It makes it very difficult to read. My apologies to any of you who have read or will read those posts. Second, if you read through my blog from start to finish, you may notice some contradictions in things I said earlier versus things I've written more recently. So, let me attempt to clarify those contradictions.
Over the years I have had this blog, my thought processes, my knowledge bank, and my experiences have changed. As a result, some of my beliefs and ideas about things have changed. I think that's a good thing. Growth indicates that something is not now what it once was. I like to think that since starting this blog I have grown. As I have gone back and viewed some of the things I wrote, I find that I disagree with myself on certain viewpoints I had 5 or 6 years ago. In particular, some of my views on dating and determining what a Godly life look like are very different. I am not nearly as rigid about these things as I used to be. Again, I view this as an indication of growth in my life. My desire for this blog was to always be open and honest about what I was thinking or feeling and to put things out there for people to discuss. In that spirit, I have decided not to remove or edit any of the posts that have content in them that could be considered as contradictory to my current views and beliefs. I have no wish to hide what I once was. Rather, I welcome the opportunity to be reminded of the growth and grace that has followed me on this journey.
In addition to wanting to clear up some things about my blog as a whole, I have something I want to say. Reviewing my past posts has caused me to remember quite a few things, to relive moments and feelings. That has led me to feel a need to extend an apology to a certain group of people. There are those who knew me and were an intimate part of my past life who were the recipients of many harsh words and judgmental thoughts from me. To that group of people in particular I wish to say this:
I am so very sorry for the words and actions I am responsible for that hurt or wounded you in any way. I am sorry for the judgments I passed and for the missed opportunities to truly know you and love you. I am sorry for the times I allowed legalism and an ungodly spirituality to control me and use me to hurt you and others around me. I am sorry that I was not able to stand up for the weak and the oppressed among us, sorry that I allowed pride and arrogance to rule me rather than mercy and grace. I am sorry for my part in continuing the work of an organization that abuses people and seeks to remove Jesus from His rightful place in people's lives. I am sorry that I allowed feelings of spiritual elitism and self righteousness to fill me up and cause me to do harm to those around me. If I have abused you, lied to you, harmed you, disrespected you, or mistreated you in any way, I am truly and deeply sorry and I ask for your forgiveness.
This is a bit of a somber post, I know, but it needed to be written.
Over the years I have had this blog, my thought processes, my knowledge bank, and my experiences have changed. As a result, some of my beliefs and ideas about things have changed. I think that's a good thing. Growth indicates that something is not now what it once was. I like to think that since starting this blog I have grown. As I have gone back and viewed some of the things I wrote, I find that I disagree with myself on certain viewpoints I had 5 or 6 years ago. In particular, some of my views on dating and determining what a Godly life look like are very different. I am not nearly as rigid about these things as I used to be. Again, I view this as an indication of growth in my life. My desire for this blog was to always be open and honest about what I was thinking or feeling and to put things out there for people to discuss. In that spirit, I have decided not to remove or edit any of the posts that have content in them that could be considered as contradictory to my current views and beliefs. I have no wish to hide what I once was. Rather, I welcome the opportunity to be reminded of the growth and grace that has followed me on this journey.
In addition to wanting to clear up some things about my blog as a whole, I have something I want to say. Reviewing my past posts has caused me to remember quite a few things, to relive moments and feelings. That has led me to feel a need to extend an apology to a certain group of people. There are those who knew me and were an intimate part of my past life who were the recipients of many harsh words and judgmental thoughts from me. To that group of people in particular I wish to say this:
I am so very sorry for the words and actions I am responsible for that hurt or wounded you in any way. I am sorry for the judgments I passed and for the missed opportunities to truly know you and love you. I am sorry for the times I allowed legalism and an ungodly spirituality to control me and use me to hurt you and others around me. I am sorry that I was not able to stand up for the weak and the oppressed among us, sorry that I allowed pride and arrogance to rule me rather than mercy and grace. I am sorry for my part in continuing the work of an organization that abuses people and seeks to remove Jesus from His rightful place in people's lives. I am sorry that I allowed feelings of spiritual elitism and self righteousness to fill me up and cause me to do harm to those around me. If I have abused you, lied to you, harmed you, disrespected you, or mistreated you in any way, I am truly and deeply sorry and I ask for your forgiveness.
This is a bit of a somber post, I know, but it needed to be written.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Would I Change It If I Could?
Would I change it if I could?
The tears I've cried, the hurts I've felt
All the pain and constant fears
The scars I wear and always will
Would I change it if I could?
The haunting memories good and bad
Thoughts that swirl and fill my head
Feelings I can't or won't escape
Questions I have and always will
Would I change it if I could?
The times and experiences I've had
The things I've seen, the ways I've felt
The roads not taken, opportunities lost
The journeys I've had and those yet to be
Would I change it if I could?
The perspectives I've lost or gained
The strengths that I've found along the way
The lessons I've learned and those I've forgotten
The changes I've made and those I will make
Would I change it if I could?
I once thought I knew, but now I wonder.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Fourteen Days of Love
Most people that know me well know that I am absolutely crazy about Valentine's Day. Growing up, Valentine's Day was like Christmas for me. Everyone exchanged little gifts and the day was filled with good feelings and expressions of love. Being a person who craves loves in any and every form, the day seemed perfect for me. That being said, I spent many Valentine's Days feeling sad and depressed. It seemed on far too many occasions that my love was never quite reciprocated and I was left feeling lonely and unlovable.
Somehow, that all changed for me several years ago, and I began celebrating Valentine's Day as an opportunity to express the love and appreciation I had for others. I like to think that I began celebrating the true spirit of Valentine's Day. I wrote letters to my best friends and loved ones that mimicked the famous letters of Saint Valentine, and I would giddy with excitement planning new ways to express my love for those closest to me.
I am still like that today. While I don't write nearly as many letters as I used to or spend quite as much money as I used to, I still love Valentine's Day and look forward to it as a day to honor and appreciate all those people I am blessed to have as a part of my life. This year, is no different. I started anticipating Valentine's Day in January, started planning what I would do and how it would all happen. I was stoked!
Then, some things happened that led me to ponder how I was going to celebrate Valentine's Day at all, much less do it in a great way. In my pondering I stumbled across a really great idea someone else had posted on a blog. Why not use all 14 days leading to the day to celebrate those you love, and why not do it in simple ways? Don't make the day about spending money buying extravagant gifts; make it about expressing your love in ways that really count. So began my journey of 14 Days of Love.
Now, I have a lot of people in my life that I really love, but this journey was an experiment and I get easily overwhelmed. So, I picked one person to focus on this year, and if all goes well, maybe there will be more next year. The person I picked was, of course, my own Mr. Darcy. Outside of my commitment to God, my husband comes first in my life. In addition, while most people may not know this, my husband is going through some of the most difficult times in his life. His day-to-day life is grueling and pretty much thankless at this point. He gives of himself constantly and asks for little to nothing in return. Because of his crazy busy schedule, we don't get to see each other much, which means supporting him in his hard work is that much more difficult for me to do; but this new challenge, this experiment was the perfect way for me to do more.
Starting on February 1st, I have found ways, big and small, to let my husband know how much I love him, how much he means to me. So far, there hasn't been anything extravagant, except maybe for breakfast in bed last Saturday, and I haven't spent an extra dime (mostly because I don't have any extras ;) ) on expressing my love to him. Everything I have done has been simple and mostly done myself (e-cards excepted). We are 5 days in and I can tell you that the joy and happiness I see on Mr. Darcy's face, the love I hear in his voice, are worth every bit of scheming, planning, and self-sacrifice it has taken to implement this plan. Now that I only have 9 nine days left, I find myself sorry that I don't have more. What a wonderful opportunity to love on my husband! I think I'm more excited than he is to see what the next 9 days hold!
I'm sure there are those of you reading this are wondering how any of this applies to you or should be interesting in the slightest to you. Well, here's something for you to think about. How much would you change the life of someone around you if you took 14 days, 10, days, 5 days, whatever, to express to them how much they mean to you? How much would you change your life by giving of yourself to love on someone else? I can't answer those questions for you, but I can say there would most definitely be a change, and it would be a change for the better. I know it has been for me.
Somehow, that all changed for me several years ago, and I began celebrating Valentine's Day as an opportunity to express the love and appreciation I had for others. I like to think that I began celebrating the true spirit of Valentine's Day. I wrote letters to my best friends and loved ones that mimicked the famous letters of Saint Valentine, and I would giddy with excitement planning new ways to express my love for those closest to me.
I am still like that today. While I don't write nearly as many letters as I used to or spend quite as much money as I used to, I still love Valentine's Day and look forward to it as a day to honor and appreciate all those people I am blessed to have as a part of my life. This year, is no different. I started anticipating Valentine's Day in January, started planning what I would do and how it would all happen. I was stoked!
Then, some things happened that led me to ponder how I was going to celebrate Valentine's Day at all, much less do it in a great way. In my pondering I stumbled across a really great idea someone else had posted on a blog. Why not use all 14 days leading to the day to celebrate those you love, and why not do it in simple ways? Don't make the day about spending money buying extravagant gifts; make it about expressing your love in ways that really count. So began my journey of 14 Days of Love.
Now, I have a lot of people in my life that I really love, but this journey was an experiment and I get easily overwhelmed. So, I picked one person to focus on this year, and if all goes well, maybe there will be more next year. The person I picked was, of course, my own Mr. Darcy. Outside of my commitment to God, my husband comes first in my life. In addition, while most people may not know this, my husband is going through some of the most difficult times in his life. His day-to-day life is grueling and pretty much thankless at this point. He gives of himself constantly and asks for little to nothing in return. Because of his crazy busy schedule, we don't get to see each other much, which means supporting him in his hard work is that much more difficult for me to do; but this new challenge, this experiment was the perfect way for me to do more.
Starting on February 1st, I have found ways, big and small, to let my husband know how much I love him, how much he means to me. So far, there hasn't been anything extravagant, except maybe for breakfast in bed last Saturday, and I haven't spent an extra dime (mostly because I don't have any extras ;) ) on expressing my love to him. Everything I have done has been simple and mostly done myself (e-cards excepted). We are 5 days in and I can tell you that the joy and happiness I see on Mr. Darcy's face, the love I hear in his voice, are worth every bit of scheming, planning, and self-sacrifice it has taken to implement this plan. Now that I only have 9 nine days left, I find myself sorry that I don't have more. What a wonderful opportunity to love on my husband! I think I'm more excited than he is to see what the next 9 days hold!
I'm sure there are those of you reading this are wondering how any of this applies to you or should be interesting in the slightest to you. Well, here's something for you to think about. How much would you change the life of someone around you if you took 14 days, 10, days, 5 days, whatever, to express to them how much they mean to you? How much would you change your life by giving of yourself to love on someone else? I can't answer those questions for you, but I can say there would most definitely be a change, and it would be a change for the better. I know it has been for me.
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