About a month and a half ago I told a good friend of mine that I felt like I was getting ready to face a storm in my life. I just had this sense of needing to prepare myself to deal with some things that would be coming up, things that would be difficult to handle. As the week has passed, that feeling has turned out to be very true. I am in the midst of a giant storm. The winds are howling like crazy around me. The lighting and thunder are so fierce they make me tremble. Everywhere I look things are being uprooted and/or destroyed. Rain is soaking every inch of ground surrounding me.
I bet, right about now, you are thinking something along the lines of how terrible this is. Perhaps you're feeling sympathy for me or thinking that you need to pray more for me. While I welcome the prayers (I always do!), I want to reassure you that this is not a terrible thing. I am content where I am.
When I was a little girl growing up in Arizona, the summer monsoon storms were terrific. Big black clouds would roll in over the mountains some time in the late afternoon, producing incredible lighting and thunder claps that shook you to the very core. Huge gusts of wind would churn through the valley, knocking over trees, ripping through fences, sweeping up anything that was loose or weakly attached to something. Rain would come in torrential waves, soaking the ground and filling up the washes in just a few minutes. It was truly an amazing spectacle to watch, and I loved it. I loved the action of the storm and the smell of the rain. Most of all, though, I loved the newness of the earth after the storm had ended. Everything felt clean and washed out. Some things looked forever changed. Nothing was left untouched by the storm.
I have to admit, in my own life I have been afraid of the storms. I have not looked for them with the same anticipation I looked for those Arizona monsoons; and I've asked myself why. Is it because walking through the storms in my life is that much scarier than riding out a ferocious display of natural occurrences? Or is it as basic as the fact physical storms allow us a tangible world to perceive and interact with while life storms are relegated to the world of the mind and heart, a world which is confusing and cannot be ever truly known? I don't know. I could philosophize about it, but the short answer is - I don't know.
Just as I don't know why I have been afraid of the storms in my life, I don't know why, exactly, the storm I am currently in has ceased to scare me. I could say it is a result of my life experiences or a result of my strong faith, but I have a hard time believing that is really the answer. What I do believe might be the answer, though, is I have come to realize the value of storms in life. In realizing that storms are valuable and can accomplish something good, I have come to see the effects of the storm in a different light.
The winds that are howling all around me remind me of the peace and calm I have received as a result of my relationship with Jesus Christ. The lightning and thunder are a constant depiction of the awesomeness and wonder of the Creator who not only created those things but orders each step of my life and has allowed this storm to overtake me. There are definitely things being destroyed and uprooted around me, but some of those things are long overdue for a good makeover. False ideologies, foolish ideas, shallow goals and ambitions, incorrect beliefs and perceptions are a few of the things I can see being uprooted and destroyed. The rain that is falling all around me is refreshing and brings with it the hope for cleansing and a new life.
I am not afraid of this storm; I am facing it head on and hoping that I will come out of it a new person, cleaned out and ready for another chance at life. I do not know what this storm will bring nor how much I will lose before it is over, but I know Him who walks with me through it, and I am confident that His love will continually cover me and He will guide me through. I cannot control the storm, but I can be thankful for it and be open to it.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Update on My Quest
Well, so far things have been going really well. That doesn't mean everything has been easy or perfect; it just means that I am progressing steadily and I'm very happy for the journey. So, here's a list of the things I've done on my quest --
New foods: So far I have tried at least 6 new foods. I had foie gras, pig heart, chicken pate, shrimp and grits, Colorado sea bass, and moussaka. The goal was one new food a week and it has been 5 weeks. That means I am doing better than my goal! Hooray! It's been so much fun to try things. I don't always like what I'm trying, but the adventure of putting unknown things in my mouth is exciting. Actually, most of what I have tried has been pretty good. I'm not big on the animal organs, but the pig heart was the easiest to down. The foie gras I had was not very good at all. It was so super fatty that it was almost slimy in my mouth. Yuck. The chicken pate was alright, but definitely not my favorite. The shrimp, bass, and moussaka were my favorites by far.
Along with all the new food I've been trying, I also had the opportunity to eat some amazing food in the past few weeks. A couple of weeks ago Mr. Darcy and I went on a road trip through the southwestern states. Once we hit New Mexico I was in food heaven. I filled up on as much good Mexican food as I could while I was there. The one bad food experience we had was attempting to eat Thai food in a small New Mexico town. That was definitely not a good experience. In our defense, the restaurant came highly recommended by a local person. I guess a good general rule of thumb, though, is to not eat Thai food in the middle of the New Mexico desert.
New adventures: I've had several firsts in the past 5 weeks as well. I went to my first soccer game of any kind. A friend of ours came to visit and the three of us went to a Colorado Rapids game. We had fantastic seats right behind the Rapids' team bench. I loved it! The game was so much fun to watch and it was great to experience the fan culture of professional soccer.
The next thing I did was go on a road trip with Mr. Darcy. We have driven a few places together, but never for more than 9 or 10 hours and never stopping along the way to see things. This was truly our first road trip together. We stopped in New Mexico and saw White Sands and then stopped in Las Cruces for some amazing Mexican food at La Posta on Cinco de Mayo. It was fabulous! We almost didn't want to leave.
The next place we headed was Arizona to visit my family and see several of our friends. It was fun to catch up with everyone and we got to meet my nephew for the first time. There wasn't much in the way of adventures in Tucson, but we will be back for that very soon.
Then we headed to Nevada to pick up our friend from the Las Vegas airport. After getting him we headed to the Valley of Fire. This place was amazing! The rock formations were so strange but beautiful. There is a section in the park that has rock formations with strips of colors in them. Our friend said their were some structures that look like bacon and we kept looking for the "bacon rock". Sadly, we couldn't see it from the road and weren't prepared to hike, so we left it for next time. While in the Valley of Fire we did a short hike to see what is referred to as Mouse's Tank. Along the trail you can see several petroglyphs left by the native peoples more than a hundred years ago. You can also see more of the amazing rock formations that the valley is known for. It was beautiful.
After we left Nevada, we headed for St. George Utah to spend 2 days in Zion National Park. The park was absolutely incredible. Everywhere you look there are breathtaking vistas. This one was taken from a lookout spot on one of our hikes.
We did a total of 3 hikes while we were there. The first one was Angels Landing, which was a super crazy one. I didn't think I could do it, but Mr. Darcy and our friend helped me. I was so scared, I didn't think I was going to make it to the top, but I did! I made it to the top and back down. Along the way people kept cheering me on and helping me when I needed it. I cried when I reached the bottom. I am horribly afraid of heights and I felt like I was going to die on that hike. Being able to complete it was truly an accomplishment for me. Here's a picture of the trail we took to the top.
The next day we hiked the narrows of the Virgin River. That was a grueling hikes as well, but not nearly as scary. The most hilarious part was when Mr. Darcy and our friend hurled me up onto a rock, much like you would throw a football. We were trying to avoid a section of the river that we feared would be to deep to wade in, and were picking out a trail through the rocks that line the river. I couldn't pull myself up onto this one massive boulder, so the guys helped me out, lol. I don't think I want to repeat that, but it was pretty funny. We returned home from Zion very sore and tired, but happy for the adventure. It was a great reset for heading back to work. Here's a picture of us in the Virgin River narrows.
I haven't had any real adventures in the past two weeks, so I suppose it's about time to get started on one. The summer is looking like a great opportunity to try new things and I am excited to see what will happen. It's funny, but I didn't realize how much growing I would do in the process of trying new things. I know the purpose was to grow, but I didn't realize how much I would grow. I feel like the past month has such a time of change and transitioning for me. There has been a lot of self reflecting and a lot of learning. I feel like I have matured some and I am on the path to maturing more. I'm much more focused, but I'm also much more open to possibilities and new things. So, perhaps this quest is turning out to be exactly what it was intended to be. That would be good, indeed. :)
New foods: So far I have tried at least 6 new foods. I had foie gras, pig heart, chicken pate, shrimp and grits, Colorado sea bass, and moussaka. The goal was one new food a week and it has been 5 weeks. That means I am doing better than my goal! Hooray! It's been so much fun to try things. I don't always like what I'm trying, but the adventure of putting unknown things in my mouth is exciting. Actually, most of what I have tried has been pretty good. I'm not big on the animal organs, but the pig heart was the easiest to down. The foie gras I had was not very good at all. It was so super fatty that it was almost slimy in my mouth. Yuck. The chicken pate was alright, but definitely not my favorite. The shrimp, bass, and moussaka were my favorites by far.
Along with all the new food I've been trying, I also had the opportunity to eat some amazing food in the past few weeks. A couple of weeks ago Mr. Darcy and I went on a road trip through the southwestern states. Once we hit New Mexico I was in food heaven. I filled up on as much good Mexican food as I could while I was there. The one bad food experience we had was attempting to eat Thai food in a small New Mexico town. That was definitely not a good experience. In our defense, the restaurant came highly recommended by a local person. I guess a good general rule of thumb, though, is to not eat Thai food in the middle of the New Mexico desert.
New adventures: I've had several firsts in the past 5 weeks as well. I went to my first soccer game of any kind. A friend of ours came to visit and the three of us went to a Colorado Rapids game. We had fantastic seats right behind the Rapids' team bench. I loved it! The game was so much fun to watch and it was great to experience the fan culture of professional soccer.
The next thing I did was go on a road trip with Mr. Darcy. We have driven a few places together, but never for more than 9 or 10 hours and never stopping along the way to see things. This was truly our first road trip together. We stopped in New Mexico and saw White Sands and then stopped in Las Cruces for some amazing Mexican food at La Posta on Cinco de Mayo. It was fabulous! We almost didn't want to leave.
The next place we headed was Arizona to visit my family and see several of our friends. It was fun to catch up with everyone and we got to meet my nephew for the first time. There wasn't much in the way of adventures in Tucson, but we will be back for that very soon.
Then we headed to Nevada to pick up our friend from the Las Vegas airport. After getting him we headed to the Valley of Fire. This place was amazing! The rock formations were so strange but beautiful. There is a section in the park that has rock formations with strips of colors in them. Our friend said their were some structures that look like bacon and we kept looking for the "bacon rock". Sadly, we couldn't see it from the road and weren't prepared to hike, so we left it for next time. While in the Valley of Fire we did a short hike to see what is referred to as Mouse's Tank. Along the trail you can see several petroglyphs left by the native peoples more than a hundred years ago. You can also see more of the amazing rock formations that the valley is known for. It was beautiful.
After we left Nevada, we headed for St. George Utah to spend 2 days in Zion National Park. The park was absolutely incredible. Everywhere you look there are breathtaking vistas. This one was taken from a lookout spot on one of our hikes.
We did a total of 3 hikes while we were there. The first one was Angels Landing, which was a super crazy one. I didn't think I could do it, but Mr. Darcy and our friend helped me. I was so scared, I didn't think I was going to make it to the top, but I did! I made it to the top and back down. Along the way people kept cheering me on and helping me when I needed it. I cried when I reached the bottom. I am horribly afraid of heights and I felt like I was going to die on that hike. Being able to complete it was truly an accomplishment for me. Here's a picture of the trail we took to the top.
The next day we hiked the narrows of the Virgin River. That was a grueling hikes as well, but not nearly as scary. The most hilarious part was when Mr. Darcy and our friend hurled me up onto a rock, much like you would throw a football. We were trying to avoid a section of the river that we feared would be to deep to wade in, and were picking out a trail through the rocks that line the river. I couldn't pull myself up onto this one massive boulder, so the guys helped me out, lol. I don't think I want to repeat that, but it was pretty funny. We returned home from Zion very sore and tired, but happy for the adventure. It was a great reset for heading back to work. Here's a picture of us in the Virgin River narrows.
I haven't had any real adventures in the past two weeks, so I suppose it's about time to get started on one. The summer is looking like a great opportunity to try new things and I am excited to see what will happen. It's funny, but I didn't realize how much growing I would do in the process of trying new things. I know the purpose was to grow, but I didn't realize how much I would grow. I feel like the past month has such a time of change and transitioning for me. There has been a lot of self reflecting and a lot of learning. I feel like I have matured some and I am on the path to maturing more. I'm much more focused, but I'm also much more open to possibilities and new things. So, perhaps this quest is turning out to be exactly what it was intended to be. That would be good, indeed. :)
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
The Quest
As I mentioned in my last post, I have a new quest I am about to set out on. Along with that quest I have some goals I am aiming to accomplish which will help determine the success of my quest. There are really two large goals - 1. To learn how to care for myself and my things. 2. To learn how to be free. Wow, as I write those I am immediately impressed with the enormity of those goals. They're pretty huge, and I'm not even sure in the slightest how I am going to accomplish them, but then, that's what the quest is for. I don't know where this quest will lead me or what I will face on the journey, but I am hoping it will end with my accomplishing these two goals.
Now, I am a huge planner and I would love nothing more than to plan this quest out to the nth degree. However, that would only delay me in starting and would, in some ways, defeat the purpose of this quest. So, the first thing I will be doing is NO PLANNING. This will be a spontaneous quest. I will do this. I can do this. It will not end terribly just because I did not plan it. I will not die from not knowing what lies in front of me. I will be alright with not knowing or controlling how things turn out. There, my pep talk is done; now, let's move on.
While I will not plan this quest, what I will do is lay out some of the things I need to accomplish on this quest. They are as follows:
To learn how to care for myself and my things --
1. Develop a solid sense of self-worth in order to establish the importance of caring for myself.
2. Develop the habit of caring for my body and my health in general
3. Develop the habit of caring for my property
4. Maintaining clean living spaces on a regular basis
To learn how to be free --
1. Try one new activity every two weeks
2. Try one new food every week
3. Learn how to lose myself in something
4. Pay down debt (this is a huge one for me in being able to feel like I can be free)
5. Learn how to worry less and have more fun
I know some of these seem really general or vague, at least they do to me, but that's the best I can do for now. These are areas that I know will be hard for me on this quest but I am so tired of things being the same way. I need to change. I probably can't do all this on my own, so it's a really good thing I have a great Friend who will be with me along the way. He promised to never leave me or forsake me and I believe Him. Well, here I go. Wish me luck!!
Now, I am a huge planner and I would love nothing more than to plan this quest out to the nth degree. However, that would only delay me in starting and would, in some ways, defeat the purpose of this quest. So, the first thing I will be doing is NO PLANNING. This will be a spontaneous quest. I will do this. I can do this. It will not end terribly just because I did not plan it. I will not die from not knowing what lies in front of me. I will be alright with not knowing or controlling how things turn out. There, my pep talk is done; now, let's move on.
While I will not plan this quest, what I will do is lay out some of the things I need to accomplish on this quest. They are as follows:
To learn how to care for myself and my things --
1. Develop a solid sense of self-worth in order to establish the importance of caring for myself.
2. Develop the habit of caring for my body and my health in general
3. Develop the habit of caring for my property
4. Maintaining clean living spaces on a regular basis
To learn how to be free --
1. Try one new activity every two weeks
2. Try one new food every week
3. Learn how to lose myself in something
4. Pay down debt (this is a huge one for me in being able to feel like I can be free)
5. Learn how to worry less and have more fun
I know some of these seem really general or vague, at least they do to me, but that's the best I can do for now. These are areas that I know will be hard for me on this quest but I am so tired of things being the same way. I need to change. I probably can't do all this on my own, so it's a really good thing I have a great Friend who will be with me along the way. He promised to never leave me or forsake me and I believe Him. Well, here I go. Wish me luck!!
Wintry Ramblings
It's been winter outside my window for that past 3 days and I'm starting to tire of it. I know we desperately need the precipitation, so I'm not completely tired of it. However, I am really hoping the spring will arrive some time soon. As I type this, I am looking out my window at the drafts of snow that seem to never stop. We've had over a foot of snow in the past 2 days and it just keeps going. It's as though the winter was running late and is now rushing to complete itself before the warmth of the sun overtakes it. Hmm. That seems funny to me. I have a mental picture of a big blue cloud sweeping into town with puffs of powdery snow spewing from him while the sun can be seen in the background steadily moving forward. Hehe. Just a little taste of how my mind works.
Well, aside from the late winter, there's been lots of other goings on. Work has been very busy for me over the past two months and it's mostly been paperwork, phone calls, emails, and follow ups with clients. Unfortunately, I don't get paid for that stuff unless there is a client session to go along with it, and more often than naught these days, there has been no session. I love what I do and I'm really glad I can help with certain things; I just wish I got paid to do it. *Sigh* Maybe some day.
Mr. Darcy has been crazy busy starting a company of his own and there have been many ups and downs over the past few months. I really am so very proud of him and I think he will do really well if the company can ever get off the ground. It's a lot of work and very little pay-off in the short term, but we are hoping that it will pay off well in the long term.
Outside of work, life has been a bit crazy as well. Sometimes I don't know what to make of the waves of calm and craziness that seem to ebb and flow in life. For a few weeks, there is not much going on and the routine of life carries you through each day with the consistency of a properly wound grandfather clock. Then, your life is suddenly changed and everything is hectic. There is no routine, there is only survival and functioning. You get past the worst of it and the routine takes over again. It's kinda strange, but even this back and forth of order and chaos seems to have a regular pattern to it. I've come to expect it, and I don't mind it really. Honestly, I'm not sure I could survive without it. Which leads me to another thought. I've often asked myself why it is that I seem to always end up in stressful situations, almost as though I am drawn to them. Why is it that when everything is calm and uneventful, I feel uneasy and even stressed out? I've thought about this a lot, and at least one conclusion I've come to is perhaps for me, being stressed is normal. As such, when I am not stressed, it doesn't feel right. So, I seek out stressful situations in order to bring myself back into "balance". The trouble is, I'm pretty tired of being stressed. I'm pretty tired of living my life that way. I want to be able to relax and enjoy life. I'm sick of being uptight and serious. I guess what I'm really saying is, I'm sick of being the person I was trained to be. I so desperately desire to break out of this mold I have been poured into and just be free. But I don't know how to do that. So, I've made it my next quest - to be free. Wish me luck on my journey, for I will surely need it.
Well, aside from the late winter, there's been lots of other goings on. Work has been very busy for me over the past two months and it's mostly been paperwork, phone calls, emails, and follow ups with clients. Unfortunately, I don't get paid for that stuff unless there is a client session to go along with it, and more often than naught these days, there has been no session. I love what I do and I'm really glad I can help with certain things; I just wish I got paid to do it. *Sigh* Maybe some day.
Mr. Darcy has been crazy busy starting a company of his own and there have been many ups and downs over the past few months. I really am so very proud of him and I think he will do really well if the company can ever get off the ground. It's a lot of work and very little pay-off in the short term, but we are hoping that it will pay off well in the long term.
Outside of work, life has been a bit crazy as well. Sometimes I don't know what to make of the waves of calm and craziness that seem to ebb and flow in life. For a few weeks, there is not much going on and the routine of life carries you through each day with the consistency of a properly wound grandfather clock. Then, your life is suddenly changed and everything is hectic. There is no routine, there is only survival and functioning. You get past the worst of it and the routine takes over again. It's kinda strange, but even this back and forth of order and chaos seems to have a regular pattern to it. I've come to expect it, and I don't mind it really. Honestly, I'm not sure I could survive without it. Which leads me to another thought. I've often asked myself why it is that I seem to always end up in stressful situations, almost as though I am drawn to them. Why is it that when everything is calm and uneventful, I feel uneasy and even stressed out? I've thought about this a lot, and at least one conclusion I've come to is perhaps for me, being stressed is normal. As such, when I am not stressed, it doesn't feel right. So, I seek out stressful situations in order to bring myself back into "balance". The trouble is, I'm pretty tired of being stressed. I'm pretty tired of living my life that way. I want to be able to relax and enjoy life. I'm sick of being uptight and serious. I guess what I'm really saying is, I'm sick of being the person I was trained to be. I so desperately desire to break out of this mold I have been poured into and just be free. But I don't know how to do that. So, I've made it my next quest - to be free. Wish me luck on my journey, for I will surely need it.
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