It's been winter outside my window for that past 3 days and I'm starting to tire of it. I know we desperately need the precipitation, so I'm not completely tired of it. However, I am really hoping the spring will arrive some time soon. As I type this, I am looking out my window at the drafts of snow that seem to never stop. We've had over a foot of snow in the past 2 days and it just keeps going. It's as though the winter was running late and is now rushing to complete itself before the warmth of the sun overtakes it. Hmm. That seems funny to me. I have a mental picture of a big blue cloud sweeping into town with puffs of powdery snow spewing from him while the sun can be seen in the background steadily moving forward. Hehe. Just a little taste of how my mind works.
Well, aside from the late winter, there's been lots of other goings on. Work has been very busy for me over the past two months and it's mostly been paperwork, phone calls, emails, and follow ups with clients. Unfortunately, I don't get paid for that stuff unless there is a client session to go along with it, and more often than naught these days, there has been no session. I love what I do and I'm really glad I can help with certain things; I just wish I got paid to do it. *Sigh* Maybe some day.
Mr. Darcy has been crazy busy starting a company of his own and there have been many ups and downs over the past few months. I really am so very proud of him and I think he will do really well if the company can ever get off the ground. It's a lot of work and very little pay-off in the short term, but we are hoping that it will pay off well in the long term.
Outside of work, life has been a bit crazy as well. Sometimes I don't know what to make of the waves of calm and craziness that seem to ebb and flow in life. For a few weeks, there is not much going on and the routine of life carries you through each day with the consistency of a properly wound grandfather clock. Then, your life is suddenly changed and everything is hectic. There is no routine, there is only survival and functioning. You get past the worst of it and the routine takes over again. It's kinda strange, but even this back and forth of order and chaos seems to have a regular pattern to it. I've come to expect it, and I don't mind it really. Honestly, I'm not sure I could survive without it. Which leads me to another thought. I've often asked myself why it is that I seem to always end up in stressful situations, almost as though I am drawn to them. Why is it that when everything is calm and uneventful, I feel uneasy and even stressed out? I've thought about this a lot, and at least one conclusion I've come to is perhaps for me, being stressed is normal. As such, when I am not stressed, it doesn't feel right. So, I seek out stressful situations in order to bring myself back into "balance". The trouble is, I'm pretty tired of being stressed. I'm pretty tired of living my life that way. I want to be able to relax and enjoy life. I'm sick of being uptight and serious. I guess what I'm really saying is, I'm sick of being the person I was trained to be. I so desperately desire to break out of this mold I have been poured into and just be free. But I don't know how to do that. So, I've made it my next quest - to be free. Wish me luck on my journey, for I will surely need it.
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