Being Alone

I feel so alone. I know I shouldn't and it probably isn't very rational, but I do. There are those around me who tell me that they are there for me if I need them, tell me how much they care about me, and try to give me what I need. Still, I feel alone. I know that given the period of my life that I am going through right now this is probably a normal thing, but I wish it wasn't. I am so tired of feeling this way, so tired of feeling hurt and loss, tired of crying into my pillow at night or into the shoulder of someone close by. I am tired and worn out and I feel so terribly alone. I've tried to stop the feelings; I've tried to ignore them and move on as though they weren't constantly eating away at me. I've tried to face them and deal with them, but to no avail. I feel as though I will never be the same person again. Is that a bad thing? Maybe I shouldn't return to the person I was before all these things happened to me; or maybe I should and I just don't know how to do it. Whatever the case may be, I just wish I didn't feel like this. I hate being alone. In my mind's eye it is one of the worst things that can happen to me. I know that admitting that leaves me wide open for criticism by anyone who reads this, but I have no wish to deny it. It is a part of who I am at this moment and pretending I am not that way is deceiving myself and those around me. Oh, I wish I didn't feel this way! Will I ever get past it? Will this ever stop? Will the feelings ever cease? Will there be relief at some point? These are the questions crowding my mind and occupying my thoughts. Perhaps they mean that I am a weak person or that I am being childish and not facing what happens to most people at some time or another with any sort of dignity and maturity. All I can say to that is, "Sorry". I am trying my best and hopefully it will accomplish something eventually. At least that is my prayer. In the mean time I will go on living each day praying that it is better than the last and hoping that I will stop feeling this dreadful loneliness.