Thoughts

It's been forever since I posted anything and I figured I should probably write something. Honestly, I haven't been in the mood to write anything recently. My thoughts have been preoccupying me for the past few days and I am finding it hard to pull myself out of my reflections to do something like blogging. It seems I have hit another crossroad in my life and I am trying to determine what I should do. I know what I want to do (I think) but I don't know what I should do. The thought struck me this morning that in and of myself I don't really know what will happen in the future so its kinda hard to make decisions based on projected outcomes. I can say I will or will not do this or that because I think such and such will happen if I do, but I don't really know if any of that is true. I woke up early this morning and as I was getting out of the shower it hit me that some of the things I am so sure of are not things I can really be sure of. I can't be sure that a person will do a certain thing or be a certain way. The only person I can be sure of is myself and even that is shaky. I was going over all the feelings, emotions, and thoughts I've had in the past few weeks and trying to determine how many of them were legit and how many were just passing phases. Which hopes and dreams should I hang on to and which should I walk away from. Then I had a realization of what faith is. I've heard so many times that you have to have faith to believe God for something, but that faith has to be based on a word spoken to you by God. What I realized this morning was that faith isn't blindly believing God for something that you want, it is knowing what God wants for you and believing that He will provide it and take care of everything. Example: There are people in my life that I am praying for and want God to do something in their lives, but am I believing God to do what I want Him to do or have I heard from Him and know what His will is and I am believing He will perform His will? The only way faith can work is if I am believing according to God's will. Just randomly believing something is not hearing from God and believing what He said. Now the challenge is to really seek God and find out what His will is, be willing to accept it and then believe according to what He speaks. That is hard to do, but I am determined to find out what His will is and I hope I have the courage to accept it, knowing His ways are perfect, His love for me is pure and completely driven by care for me, and His plans for me are better than anything I could have thought up for myself. So, my head is still full of thoughts but I think things are starting to become more clear. Finally!!!!