Not everything in life can be good and there will be times when things don't work out the way you want them too, but knowing that doesn't lessen the sting of disappointment. I found out Saturday that something I had been dreaming of for the past two years is not going to happen, at least not any time in the near future. I have invested the past two and a half years in a program that I can't seem to gain entrance into. The major problem? I absolutely love working in the field and don't want to do anything else. I have never felt like I belonged somewhere more. I have never enjoyed working in something more and never wanted to be part of something more. For two years I have put my whole self into accomplishing this goal and yet it seems to elude me. Why? I have no answer for that and no plans for the now very near future. The question everyone is asking - what are you going to do? I have no idea. Try to collect myself and figure out what it is I'm supposed to do. Most of my friends suggest that I wait, collect myself, and try again. I'm not wild about that idea. Perhaps its pride, or discouragement, or a fear of failing again. I don't quite know yet, but I don't want to keep trying. Overcoming the feeling of being a complete failure in a particular area is rather hard for me to get over and not something I want to risk repeating. So what am I going to do? Well, the only thing I can do is try to formulate some sort of plan to get me through at least the next six months and then pray a whole lot until I know what the next step to take is. I do have hope that things will ultimately work out and that God is faithful and will direct me; it's just hard to keep walking straight forward when you don't know what is in front of you. I hate disappointment.
Some music:
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