Hurting Love

Sometimes loving people brings us the greatest hurt in our lives. Yes, they can bring us joy beyond belief, but they can also bring us pain that mirrors the extent of the joy. I've often asked myself the question why I still love some who seem to do their utmost to bring me pain. The only thing close to an answer that I have is that my relationships with them consist of bonds that were forged during the toughest of times and are made up of a common blood line we share. That may not be a rational answer for continuing to love them, but I cannot explain it otherwise. It hurts to love these people, and yet, I cannot imagine my life without them, cannot imagine removing them from my life. The thought has crossed my mind on numerous occasions, but, I cannot justify returning the evil they bestow on me. This is when I need the love and character of Christ to shine through me the most. When the old wounds are hurting and new ones are being inflicted. This is when I need to allow my Savior to be my Lord and not give in to my own desires of what is the best way to handle the situation. While I know this with my head, my heart is screaming something quite different. The pain is unbearable at times, like today, and I want to do whatever it takes to make it stop. However, there is another alternative, albeit a tricky one. I can learn to love these people but without expectation and without allowing myself to be so deeply hurt by the things they do. It's a fine balance between loving but maintaining a safe distance away from them. That's tough for me to do. I want to be involved, to be a part; but that is not possible right now, and I have got to accept that. At least I know that I hurt because I still love them and not because I wish them any harm. I wish only the best for them and pray that someday they will wish the same for me in return.