This Weekend

WOW! God is so awesome! My weekend was incredible. All three days were pretty great, but Saturday night and Sunday morning were the best parts of it all. Saturday night I had a performance for which I had to drive out of town to go to. It was the first traveling I've had to do in a while, so that in and of itself was pretty nice. Once there, the event went really well. There were a lot of military personnel at this event including several generals and high profile officers. It was so much fun to talk to several active duty soldiers and then to meet the different generals. The most striking thing about every single one of them was their humility. Here were men who have a great deal of power and authority and yet they were very cognizant of those around them and did not exude an attitude of superiority but rather one of commonality. As I shook one man's hand, he told me what an honor it was to have me there that night and to hear me sing and all I could think was what and honor and a privilege it was to perform for him. The whole evening was just incredible. There were so many things that happened that I wouldn't be able to post them all here but it was truly one of the most memorable events of my life. Then, Sunday morning I had the most wonderful time in church. We were having communion so all the music we sang was on the subject of the death of Jesus and His sufferings. As I sang of what Jesus did for me and what it meant in my life I was overcome with a powerful sense of the love of God for me. It was so overwhelming to realize the length, depth, and height of that love, and even then I didn't know all there was to know about how much the Lord loves me. Because of His love for me my heart was filled with love for Him and the determination to serve Him, always watching and waiting at the foot of the cross to hear His next command, to receive His next direction. The whole service was great. The presence of God was so strong and the opportunity to be there and to remember what Jesus did for me and how it has and will affect my life was more than what my weary soul needed to find relief. When all was said and done this weekend I was left with a strong sense of gratitude for my Lord, hope that He is more than able to keep that which we have committed to His trust, love for Him and the call that He has placed on my life, and determination to serve Him, no matter what the cost, all the days of my life.

A Reading For Today

I've been studying a lot recently on what it means to totally follow Christ. I have been looking at discipleship and full commitment of my life to Him for whatever purpose He sees fit. I read this passage this morning and I found it interesting. I have been reminded often of the rich young ruler in the Scripture this posting is talking about. I'll post it and then I have a few comments.

THE "GO" OF UNCONDITIONAL IDENTIFICATION
"One thing thou lackest: . . come, take up the cross, and follow Me." Mark 10:21

The rich young ruler had the master passion to be perfect. When he saw Jesus Christ, he wanted to be like Him. Our Lord never puts personal holiness to the fore when He calls a disciple; He puts absolute annihilation of my right to myself and identification with Himself - a relationship with Himself in which there is no other relationship. Luke 14:26 has nothing to do with salvation or sanctification, but with unconditional identification with Jesus Christ. Very few of us know the absolute "go" of abandonment to Jesus.
"Then Jesus beholding him loved him." The look of Jesus will mean a heart broken for ever from allegiance to any other person or thing. Has Jesus ever looked at you? The look of Jesus transforms and transfixes. Where you are "soft" with God is where the Lord has looked at you. If you are hard and vindictive, insistent on your own way, certain that the other person is more likely to be in the wrong than you are, it is an indication that there are whole tracts of your nature that have never been transformed by His gaze.
"One thing thou lackest . . ." The only "good thing" from Jesus Christ's point of view is union with Himself and nothing in between.
"Sell whatsoever thou hast . ." I must reduce myself until I am a mere conscious man, I must fundamentally renounce possessions of all kinds, not to save my soul (only one thing saves a man - absolute reliance upon Jesus Christ) - but in order to follow Jesus. "Come, and follow Me." And the road is the way He went.

How many times in my life have I had that strong desire to follow Jesus, but when He tells me what is required I shrink back? There is definitely a counting of cost involved in following the Master. The Scripture talks about not starting something you can't finish, even in terms of service to Jesus. You must first look at what it really means to serve the Lord, to take up your cross and follow Him. This is, many times, the hardest part of Christian living. We want to do what is right, what is noble, but we also want our rights to ourselves. We want the blessings of following Him without paying price that is required. That, however, is not possible when you are following Jesus. Only absolute obedience to the direction of the Lord will be pleasing to Him, but He does not leave us destitute in this difficult decision. He promises that His grace is sufficient to carry us through the sacrifices we will make and the struggles we will face as we walk the road He leads us on. He promised that His yoke was easy and His burden light, and when you are totally focused on Him, full of love for Him, and letting Him carry you all the way, you will find that indeed His load for you is so much lighter than anything you will ever carry on your own.

Me. . .For Now

I had so many things I wanted to write floating through my head, and now that I am sitting at the computer I can't seem to put my thoughts into words. I could talk of my plans for the future and where I think I will be in a couple years, or about all the good things the Lord is doing in my life, or about all the funny things that have happened in my life over the past few days. There really has been so much going on. I didn't know for a couple of days there whether or not I was going to post because of all the things going on and how overwhelming things seemed to be. I wanted to just post music, but that didn't work. I either couldn't find the songs I wanted or I couldn't find songs that said what I wanted them to say. I have had several really good days and several really bad days. I don't want to say my life is terrible; that just isn't true; but this is one of the hardest times of my life. I am finding that it is a chore to get out of bed every morning and make myself face another day. It takes me about two hours to compose myself enough to handle whatever comes my way. I'm not totally out of sorts, just exhausted - mentally, physically, emotionally. I won't say spiritually because I don't think that's true. My relationship with the Lord has never been so good as it is right now. I am closer to Him than I have ever been and He is more real, more precious than He has ever been. I'm in sort of a strange state of mind. I am not sad, yet there is a side of me that is grieving. I can still laugh and do so rather frequently, yet crying is a daily occurrence. I am at peace, yet frustrations are still present. There is so much around me that encourages me to give up on everything, yet my faith is still resolute, although it seems to be with a strength not my own. I feel like I have been thrown into some sort of fire that I have to live through for the next little while; as though I am being tested in some way or another. I am not afraid of failing the test so long as I keep my eyes fixed on the Author and Perfecter of our faith; but I am afraid that my eyes will drift and my focus will shift to something that is less sure, less steady, and less able to help me endure. I feel as though I am fighting a battle every day and some days there are victories and some days I have to retreat, but every day I must fight, no matter what the outcome, and with each day I feel my Saviour helping me grow stronger, helping me be victorious. Every day I learn more and more to lean on Him and let Him fight for me when I cannot fight and help me fight when I have the strength to do so. As each struggle comes and goes and He molds me into what He wants me to be I find that I trust Him more and more and rely on Him to perform His perfect work in me as I sit back patiently and watch Him make something wonderful of my life.
These words to an old song keep rolling around in my head and I find that they make a very appropriate prayer for me right now:
I am weak but Thou art strong.
Jesus keep me from all wrong.
I'll be satisfied as long
As I walk, let me walk close to Thee

Just a closer walk with Thee.
Grant it Jesus; it's my plea.
Daily walking close to Thee.
How I pray, Oh Lord, I'll walk with Thee.

Through this world of toils and snares
If I falter, Lord, who cares?
Who will all my burdens share?
None but Thee, Oh Lord, none but Thee.

Just a closer walk with Thee.
Grant it Jesus; it's my plea.
Daily walking close to Thee.
How I pray, Oh Lord, I'll walk with Thee.

The Decision

I stood outside his building wondering what to do. He was inside and with him were all my dreams, my hopes, my heart. Outside was a future without him and a dedication to something I knew was far greater than the desire that held me rooted to the sidewalk. I wanted to rush in and find him, to tell him how much I loved him, to tell him I would do anything to be with him, but I could not. My entrance into that building would be a forsaking of the single most precious thing in my life - my Jesus. He was leading me away from that building, away from my attraction. He had placed the cross in front of me and now I had to choose what I would do. Would I pick up that cross and follow Him, to the ends of the earth if necessary, or would I lay it down and follow my own desires? My mind was numb from the struggle that had been raging inside me and my heart could feel no more from sheer exhaustion. I stood looking into the windows of the building wondering where the one I sought was. He seemed like the answer to so many of the questions of my life, the filling of the void I had. But, then, my thoughts turned to my Saviour. He had done so many wonderful things for me. He had healed me body, soul and spirit, He had loved me unconditionally, He had saved me from myself and the horrible disparity that my life was, He had filled me with His precious Holy Spirit and that Spirit had been such a friend and comforter. He was always faithful, always took me back when I strayed, was always merciful, His grace was ever new, and His power was a wonder to behold. He had been the only true source of love and life in my existence. I knew what my decision would be. Slowly, I turned and started to walk away from the building. The pain washed over me like dark, cold ocean waves. The tears welled up in my eyes - an outward display of my inner torment. Each step forward took me further from the building. Further from the one I had said I loved. But, it drew me closer to my Lord. As I walked I felt the arms of my Savior wrapped tightly around me. I was safe; I was fulfilled; I was loved. "Oh, Jesus," I breathed, "You are so precious to me. I will always choose You over every other thing in this world. Please help me to love You and always choose You. There is nothing in this world that compares to You and the love that You give me." The more I walked the more the presence of God became real. I was suddenly flooded with a sense of deep gratitude for my Lord and everything He had done for me. My steps became lighter and my heart could feel again. The joy of the Lord tugged at the corners of my mouth, the peace of God filled my spirit, and the praises of my Saviour filled my mouth and poured out on my tongue. The precious blood of Jesus had been spilt to redeem me; how could I walk away from a love like that? There was nothing comparable to it, nothing worth giving it up for and I was going to cling to it with everything in me.

Something Good

I read this today and it was so good. I love when I read something and the Lord uses it to speak to me. I hope it will do the same thing for you.

THE "GO" OF PREPARATION
"Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there thou rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift." Matthew 5:23, 2
It is easy to imagine that we will get to a place where we are complete and ready, but preparation is not suddenly accomplished, it is a process steadily maintained. It is dangerous to get into a settled state of experience. It is preparation and preparation.
The sense of sacrifice appeals readily to a young Christian. Humanly speaking, the one thing that attracts to Jesus Christ is our sense of the heroic, and the scrutiny of Our Lord's words suddenly brings this tide of enthusiasm to the test. "First be reconciled to thy brother." The "go" of preparation is to let the word of God scrutinize. The sense of heroic sacrifice is not good enough. The thing the Holy Spirit is detecting in you is the disposition that will never work in His service. No one but God can detect that disposition in you. Have you anything to hide from God? If you have, then let God search you with His light. If there is sin, confess it, not admit it. Are you willing to obey your Lord and Master whatever the humiliation to your right to yourself may be?
Never discard a conviction. If it is important enough for the Spirit of God to have brought it to your mind, it is that thing He is detecting. You were looking for a great thing to give up. God is telling you of some tiny thing; but at the back of it there lies the central citadel of obstinacy: I will not give up my right to myself - the thing God intends you to give up if ever you are going to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.

THE "GO" OF RELATIONSHIP
"And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain." Matthew 5:41
The summing up of Our Lord's teaching is that the relationship which He demands is an impossible one unless He has done a supernatural work in us. Jesus Christ demands that there be not the slightest trace of resentment even suppressed in the heart of a disciple when he meets with tyranny and injustice. No enthusiasm will ever stand the strain that Jesus Christ will put upon His worker, only one thing will, and that is a personal relationship to Himself which has gone through the mill of His spring-cleaning until there is only one purpose left - I am here for God to send me where He will. Every other thing may get fogged, but this relationship to Jesus Christ must never be.
The Sermon on the Mount is not an ideal, it is a statement of what will happen in me when Jesus Christ has altered my disposition and put in a disposition like His own. Jesus Christ is the only One Who can fulfil the Sermon on the Mount.
If we are to be disciples of Jesus, we must be made disciples supernaturally; as long as we have the dead set purpose of being disciples we may be sure we are not. "I have chosen you." That is the way the grace of God begins. It is a constraint we cannot get away from; we can disobey it, but we cannot generate it. The drawing is done by the supernatural grace of God, and we never can trace where His work begins. Our Lord's making of a disciple is supernatural. He does not build on any natural capacity at all. God does not ask us to do the things that are easy to us naturally; He only asks us to do the things we are perfectly fitted to do by His grace, and the cross will come along that line always.
----- Oswald Chambers --------

A Living Sacrifice

I came to the altar of the Lord and brought with me my sacrifice. It was something very valuable to me; something I didn't want to give up; but it would seem that was what the Lord required of me. So, I reluctantly but willfully knelt at the altar and laid my treasure on it. The tears stung my face as I let go of what I wanted to so desperately to hold onto, but I was comforted by the thought that the Lord would be satisfied with the enormous sacrifice I had just made. With my offering complete I stood up and slowly walked away from the smoke and ashes that were all that remained of my incinerated offering. I felt that surely, now I had pleased the Lord; I had given Him all He asked of me; but, alas, I was mistaken. For, you see, what the Lord required of me was not my offerings but myself. He did not want me to lay things from my life on the altar for Him to consume a little at the time. He wanted me to lay myself on the altar and not get up. He wanted obedience from me rather than a sacrifice. He wanted me and nothing less. The pull to return to the altar and lay myself upon it was growing stronger, but the resistance to it was rising up in me with a fury that grew stronger with each passing minute. Did I really want to give up my entire self to the Lord? Was that really what He required of me? Why couldn't I remain as was - a child of God who enjoyed the blessings of God and sacrificed here and there as I saw fit or necessary? What was wrong with my way of life? Why did I need to change? I was a good Christian, I had strong values and high standards and tried to live up to those things. Why was the Lord demanding more of me? This wasn't fair! I had already given so much of myself to Him; why would He ask for more? Wasn't my commitment good enough? Weren't my sacrifices and works pleasing to Him? I had already given more of myself than most people would ever consider giving. Did I really have to do this? All of my questions were to no avail. The Holy Spirit would not let me go. I knew that what the Lord wanted was me, all of me, and He would not accept no for an answer. As I turned and faced the altar again there was a fearsome battle raging on the inside of me. With each step towards the altar I heard the voice of the Lord prompting me forward and the reasonings of my mind pulling me back. I finally stopped in my tracks and knelt in prayer. I knew that what the Lord was asking of me was right, and I wanted to be obedient, but I knew I could not do so on my own. I asked the Lord to help me make that long trek to the altar and help me lay myself on it. Suddenly, I was reminded of my Savior and His sacrifice for me. He laid Himself on the altar for me. He gave Himself, holding nothing back, and suffered as the ultimate sacrifice for me. As I recalled the things He suffered on my behalf and realized the blessings I had received as a result of His suffering I was filled with a renewed sense of love for my Jesus. That love drove me to my feet and started me once again on my walk to the altar. I knew that I was still unable to make this sacrifice on my own, but my love for my Lord drove me to obedience and the Spirit of Jesus in me gave me the strength to press on. As I continued on a vision of my Lord was implanted in my mind and I focused on that, finding that when I looked at Him I lost sight of all else and my mind was set on pleasing Him. Finally, I arrived yet again at the front of the altar. This time it was not a sacrifice of things that I placed on it, but myself. I surrendered myself to the Lord, lay myself down, and bound myself to the altar, never to get up.
Romans 12
I APPEAL to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of [all] the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies [presenting all your members and faculties] as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship.

So Good

I know I already posted for the day but I just had to post the words to this song.

"I Will Arise and Go to Jesus"
Come ye sinners poor and needy
weak and wounded, sick and sore;
Jesus ready stands to save you,
Full of pity, love and power.

I will arise and go to Jesus,
He will embrace me in His arms.
In the arms of my dear Savior,
Oh there are ten thousand charms.

I love this song. It has meant so much to me these past few days. I can't even begin to tell you how much the Lord has blessed me in these past few days, but it is beyond description how good He has been. He has become more precious to me than anything and my desire for Him has become all-consuming. What a mighty, awesome, wonderful God I serve!

The Simple and the Complex

I am always amazed at how the simple things in life can change your whole perspective of things. A smile from someone can brighten your whole day, a simple song can lift your spirits, something as easy as letting someone know you care about them can have a huge impact on someone's life. In my life I have noticed that it is usually the small things that let you know someone really cares about you. Everyone wants someone to make the huge sacrifices for them, to perform the amazing feats that prove they are really loved. But, really, it takes more effort to perform the small menial tasks, the everyday in-and-outs that show more love and care than making that one huge sacrifice. It takes more effort and love to show someone you care about them 365 days a year for countless years than it does to spend a short amount of time making some colossal statement of affection.
Likewise, it is a wonder to me how something that seems so simple is in actuality complex. Take love for example. So many people talk about it and make assertions about it that it would seem it is a subject easily explained and an emotion easily describes. Nothing could be further from the truth. Love is so deep, so complex it is a wonder anyone tries to explain it. I certainly feel inadequate to do so, and so, won't attempt. I could talk of the various aspects and facets of love, the wrongs and rights of love, but I would never come close to saying anything that even summed up love. It seems it should be easy to express, easy to experience, easy to give, but it is not. It is complex. Fortunately, there are simple ways to express such a complex emotion, and for that I am grateful because sometimes the simple way is the most effective way of doing something.

My Savior's Embrace

Summary: In the past few days I have been attacked by my closet suffering injuries that were minor but painful, spent time with my nephew who is absolutely the cutest things on the face of the planet, cleaned out my storage unit and part of my closet which opened my eyes to how much junk I had laying around (it was bad!!!), helped decorate my church for the coming fall season, and been completely and totally overwhelmed by the grace and love of my Savior. There's been more, but that about sums it up.

Reflection: I am in love with someone for the first time in my life and, unfortunately, I can't be with him. This is hard, very hard to deal with. There are days when I wonder how I am going to get through the whole day, there are times when the feelings are so overwhelming I can't do anything but lay down and cry. I want to be near him, to hold him, to have his arms around me making me feel so secure and so loved. I want to hear his voice, feel him next to me, and know he's mine His embrace is not possible right now, but I have found some relief. The arms of my Savior hold me when I can't go on, embrace me when the hurt is so bad it seems it will never stop. When I don't know what to pray or the pain is so great I can't speak I can lean back on Him, letting His love surround me, heal me, fill me with hope and, yes, even joy. His arms are so strong and loving that nothing can pull me from them and nothing can harm me when I am resting in them. The Bible calls Jesus the lover of your soul and God your husband. His love is true, never failing, always available, and His embrace is what satisfies me, even when I long for the arms of another. Only Jesus can fill the voids, the longings, the desires that well up from deep within me and threaten to overwhelm me. He always gives me beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for mourning and I love Him so much.

Tagged

Ok, so I was tagged a few days ago by the Queen of Non Sequitur and have been super slow about responding. So sorry. So, now I am responding.
The Rules:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. I grew up being more of a boy than a girl. I played with G. I. Joe's, climbed trees, scraped my knees, got stitches numerous times, and abhorred wearing skirts. (And people wonder why I have issues today!)

2. I have a hard time having a favorite anything. I can have several favorites, but ruling out all else to hold onto one single favorite is nigh unto impossible for me. There are so many things I like it is hard to narrow it down. I can, however, tell you very specific things that I hate.

3. I pick up accents very easily. I have family from Texas and when I spend time out there it takes two days, max, before I am talking just like them. I have found this to be true no matter who I am around. I usually end up mimicking their accent, whatever it is.

4. I dislike most traditional American meals. Turkey dinners and roast with potatoes and carrots are not appealing to me at all. I much prefer food from another culture, almost any other culture.

5. I am still in love with the idea that one day my prince will walk into my life and sweep me off my feet and there really will be a happily ever after. Yes, I am delusional at times.

6. I like sitting down on a rainy day and writing poetry. It just feels so much like the right thing to do.

7. I am very impish (if you don't know what that is look it up). I absolutely love being mischievous. I don't like hurting people, but I love having a good laugh at them or with them.

8. If you ask me to do something, such as write these eight random things, I will be at a total loss as to what to say. But, if you let me come up with on my own I won't be able to stop writing.

So, I'm not sure that was very affective at all, but there it is. I know one person to tag and that is the Unknown Poet.

Men!!!!!!

Before I begin my rant that is building up on the inside of me and about to explode in a volley of words, I would like to say that my weekend has been great. God has been so good to me and has been helping me and blessing me just when I need Him most. To be very open, I am having a hard time with some things, but God is such a comfort. He has given me such peace, such joy, and an ability to trust Him that is not my own. It seems this weekend that God is everywhere, talking to me in everything I experience and everywhere I go. He has sent people along my path to encourage me and give me solace and He has filled me with new hope, new joy, and new strength to carry on. Now, to let that rant out. The subject - men, of course. I have a friend who is in a semi-relationship with this guy and he won't commit. He uses her to make himself feel better, but he won't take her seriously as a partner. He basically wants a friend but with benefits. AHGH!!! I hate that. Either you are friends or you are lovers. The friends with benefits category doesn't exist, especially when the woman has told you she really cares for you and you don't really have those same feelings for her. Why can't men just walk away? Leave the girl alone. Don't lead her on and try to get as much out of her as you can without really giving anything of yourself. Either commit to the relationship or walk away from it. What is even more baffling to me is that women have anything to do with guys like this. They know that the man is not interested in a serious relationship and yet they let him take advantage of them. What are they thinking???? Perhaps they figure if they hang around long enough the guy will change his mind and decide to commit to them. That, however, is not likely. I am of the opinion that men don't usually want what they don't have to work for. If they know a girl is crazy about them they will take all the time in the world to make a decision about her because they know she is a safe bet for later, but let them think they may lose her and they are quick to do something about it. That is, of course, if they really want her. But that is another trail to follow some other time. I won't start on that topic. I just get so mad when I think of the time and effort and care that a woman put into a man and then he treats her like she isn't worth his full attention or his commitment to her. To want "a friend with benefits" is telling some woman that she isn't worth anything to you except when you can't get anyone else to sleep with you and then you will come looking for her knowing she will give you a free ride with no strings attached. That is so despicable. It makes my stomach turn. Women, please, for the love of your own self-respect and self-worth, don't let any guy ever treat you that way. If he wants to be just friends, great, be just friends. He should have none of the rights or privileges of someone who has committed to a romantic relationship with you. Don't even give him the satisfaction of taking care of him. He doesn't deserve it. Either he will treat you with respect as a friend or commit to you as something more, but never let the line between the two be blurred. In the end you will end up the loser in every area.

I Am Learning

I am learning so many things right now. Sometimes I feel like my head and my heart will explode from the information overload, but alas, that is just my over-active imagination at work. The most important thing I am learning right now is to have faith; faith in what God has spoken to me, faith that He is ultimately in control, faith that He will fulfill His promises. Of course there is so much about faith that I have been taught and know with my head, but now I am finding that it is absolutely essential that I live that knowledge out, and that is a whole new learning process. I never knew that it would be a struggle and a fight to believe God and what He said. Having faith in the words and promises that God has spoken to you takes effort, takes you clinging to that faith with everything in you even when it seems like the impossible, takes standing firm no matter what and not wavering in your convictions. It's hard work and the discouragements and temptations to give up abound, but what I am believing for is worth fighting for and so that leaves me with only one choice. I must trust God and exercise my faith no matter what happens, no matter how it looks, no matter how I feel, no matter what anyone says; and that is what I intend to do. Yes, it is a learning process and I am going through it every day, but I know if I keep at it I will eventually learn the lesson and I will be able to see the fruit of my faith. Lord, give me the strength to reach that day.
Side note: I read this today and thought it was really good, so I'm passing it on to you.

IMAGINATION V. INSPIRATION
"The simplicity that is in Christ." 2 Corinthians 11:3
Simplicity is the secret of seeing things clearly. A saint does not think clearly for a long while, but a saint ought to see clearly without any difficulty. You cannot think a spiritual muddle clear, you have to obey it clear. In intellectual matters you can think things out, but in spiritual matters you will think yourself into cotton wool. If there is something upon which God has put His pressure, obey in that matter, bring your imagination into captivity to the obedience of Christ with regard to it and everything will become as clear as daylight. The reasoning capacity comes afterwards, but we never see along that line, we see like children; when we try to be wise we see nothing (Matthew 11:25).
The tiniest thing we allow in our lives that is not under the control of the Holy Spirit is quite sufficient to account for spiritual muddle, and all the thinking we like to spend on it will never make it clear. Spiritual muddle is only made plain by obedience. Immediately we obey, we discern. This is humiliating, because when we are muddled we know the reason is in the temper of our mind. When the natural power of vision is devoted to the Holy Spirit, it becomes the power of perceiving God's will and the whole life is kept in simplicity.

Friday

It's Friday morning and I have never been so thrilled to have a week behind me and the weekend in front of me. I went to bed last night feeling pretty bad and woke up this morning feeling even worse. of course, being the stubborn obstinate person I am I refused to stay home and get some rest, opting rather to tough it out all day. Now I'm beginning to wonder if that was such a great idea. I am so worn out. I've been so busy this week and there has been so much going on that I feel like I've been at some sort of training camp. I am sore and ache all over and I'm exhausted. I don't want to think, feel, or even exist at this moment. Oh well. Now to suck it up and function, because that's what we adults do. We don't play hooky or pretend we are sick so we can stay home and sleep or watch tv, and we certainly don't pass off our responsibilities to some one else. So, here I go trying to get through this day and hopefully it won't be so bad.

Gushing!!!!!

Sigh! I have been having such a good time today I hardly know what to say or even do. What's even more interesting about it is that I was afraid the day was going to be a bit of a disaster, and it definitely had its more hazardous moments, but God is soooooo good and everything has turned out well. You know, it's amazing how when you feel like you need God the most and you just can't go one single moment more without Him, He comes in the strongest and gives you such wonderful ability to go on, and not only to keep moving forward but the ability to do it with joy. I have lived the Scripture "The joy of the Lord is your strength" more times than I can count and each time it gets sweeter and better to experience. It's the times when God feels the furthest away, when your dreams are most unreachable, when your world is falling apart the most that God is actually the closest, working all things for your good, building you a new world that is far better than anything you can imagine. His ways are surely not my ways and are so much higher than mine, and I am so thankful. I'm even more thankful that He lets me live out His plans for me, His awesome-beyond-belief plans, even when I screw up so bad and make more of a mess than is humanly possible to fix. I just love that He keeps working on me, never giving up, never settling or letting me settle for second-best, but always striving for His perfection. I love that as I trust Him more He gives me more faith to believe His Word and His promises and that makes me eligible to receive more blessings from Him and the fulfillment of all the dreams He has birthed in me that take faith to bring into existence. Ok, I'm gushing now. Sorry. I just so love being in love with Jesus. I've experienced being in love with a man, and it's a great feeling, but it is nothing compared to having a love relationship with Jesus. He never leaves, never has to second-guess His feelings for you, never disappoints you, always helps you and encourages you and helps you grow into the person God intended you to be. I don't know how to say it any other way; I'm just totally in love with Him and so, so, so grateful to Him in with me all the time. I wouldn't trade Him for anything in this world, and I wouldn't trade what He has for my life for any other plan or idea of living out there. Nothing compares to my Saviour and the life I have with Him.
I'm going to post some music. Some of it is really old songs from my childhood, but they are good songs and I'm feeling nostalgic, so here they are.
Well, this one didn't sound like this when I was a kid, but it's still good.


Classic!!!!!!

Just a good song.

Praise Through A Hard Time

It's been a hard weekend of sorts. My world has changed so drastically in the last three days that I hardly know which end is up and what to even think at times. My head has felt like it is spinning from all the changes and various goings on and by body feel like a wrung out rag from all the mental and emotional stress. But, God is still so good to me and I want to thank Him and praise Him for all the blessings He has bestowed on me, the wonderful and amazing things He has and is doing, and I am looking forward to the fulfillment of all the promises He has made. I was praying this evening and telling the Lord how I felt about the various things happening in my life right now and He reminded me of a passage of Scripture I hadn't read in quite a while. I looked it up and decided I would post it because it fits so well with my current mindset.
Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
and the cattle barns are empty,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer,
able to tread upon the heights. Habakkuk 3:17-19

My paraphrase:
Though my heart is aching with pain,
and my pillow is wet with tears;
Though my body quakes with sobs,
and my eyes hurt from crying;
Though my dreams lie shattered around me
and my hopes are badly crushed;
Though it seems my faith has failed me,
and my God has left me destitute;
Though the promise seems unfulfilled,
and the answer but a phantom;
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will worship the God Who is truly great!
He alone is my strength, my comfort;
and He restores my soul,
Giving new life where there was death,
renewing my strength when I am weak,
Giving comfort when sorrows abound,
drying my tears and increasing my faith.

I sang in a song in church today and it was such a comfort. The words to the chorus where much needed: "Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarm. Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms."
Jesus, help me lean on You so that I might be truly safe as I trust You to perform Your will.

Why Women Want Marriage

My Mr. Darcy asked me an interesting question today. He asked why it was that all women seemed to rush relationships towards marriage much faster than men did. It seemed to him that from the start of the relationship the woman's primary focus and goal was the official wedding day. I thought about this question a lot today. I have heard the idea espoused before but I hadn't given it much thought. Do women really respond that way in a relationship? Is their ultimate goal and all consuming purpose always their wedding day and if so, why? After having thought about it a bit and reasoning a bit I think I can say it probably is true more often than not that women do tend to rush towards marriage much quicker than men, but I wouldn't say it is the actual wedding day they are in a hurry to reach so much as the idea of security that marriage represents. In a relationship if the only commitment is a verbal conceding that there is a mutual interest and care for each person that doesn't really count for much. How many people tell their boyfriends and girlfriends how much they love them and a span of time later decide that they aren't really the person they want to spend the rest of their life with? Too many that I know of. I think most women want a sense of security and they feel that in a relationship that security isn't there until there has been a proposal and a ring given. I would argue that it isn't even the day of the wedding for which they are pushing so hard, but an actual commitment from their partner to stay with them. Somehow nothing can quite assure someone of love and devotion in a relationship like the promise of and the act of marriage . Also, there is the aspect that women want to give themselves completely to whoever it is they are with. They want to love with abandonment, be free to be themselves and still be loved, and feel that their partner is truly their own. Why would you do this without the commitment of marriage? It's risky within marriage, why would you attempt it without the commitment of the other partner to stick with the relationship? Sure, wedding days are nice to dream of and planning your wedding can be the biggest and best time of a woman's life, but I don't think that is what most women are pushing for when they say they want their man to commit. I think it is more a basic need to be reassured that they are worth the commitment of marriage and that their man is strong enough to make that commitment. Of course, in the middle of all this I can't help but wonder just a little about the issues men seem to have with commitment. They are definitely more shy about it than women. I find myself wondering if perhaps it is not that the woman is pushing too hard for a marriage but that the man is scared of the huge leap he is about to make and is afraid to commit. Not that it is a terrible thing to be hesitant in making big decisions, but every man should ask himself if it is his desire to make a wise decision that is driving him or is it fear, and as someone I know once said, fear is never from God. So, Mr. Darcy, in answer to your question, for most women it is not a day they are rushing towards, but a commitment and with it the security and fulfillment it brings.

A Period Conversation

I know I already posted for the day but that desire to rant returned and I can't resist the urge. Warning: if you are a man and grow squeamish at the discussion of female issues you should read no further. Ok, my rant - I hate, hate, HATE the first day of a menstrual period. Not that the following six days are great, but the first day is usually hell on earth. I hate that you are ravenously hungry for that one day and then for the rest of your period the sight of food is nauseating. I hate that, if you're like me, a nice migraine begins to form and before you know it the world around you is spinning, your head is pounding, and all that food you have eaten suddenly begins to creep back up your esophagus. I hate that your hormones decide to express themselves with a horrible breakout of the worst acne you've seen in, well, a month. I hate that you are excessively tired, which makes functioning normally a very difficult thing to do. I hate that waves of emotions seem to wash over you like tides on the beach and at any given moment you feel that your life is completely out of sorts, everything is a gigantic insurmountable problem, and you just want to sit down and cry. I hate the horrible aching that grips your pelvis and the terrible cramps that feel like someone is inside you scraping your insides out. I hate the general gross feeling that comes over you. I especially hate those days when you have to take medication just to keep functioning Let's see, is there anything else I can complain about? I think the above list will suffice for now. No, it's not always that bad the first day, but it is never great either. It is the one day of every month that I dread and I'm just glad I have another month before I have to deal with it again.
To those who just read this and wished they hadn't, sorry. To those I snapped at, ignored, or was moody with today, I'm sorry. I promise to be better tomorrow.

Everyday News

Well, this week has been pretty good thus far. I was going to post a few rants I had but I find that I simply don't have the energy to do it now that I am sitting at the computer. I've been busy as usual and I have thrown trying to eat right and exercising into my daily mix, so I'm a bit worn out, not to mention I have muscle aches from muscles I didn't know I had. But, I'm not complaining. I do actually feel pretty good all around and I find that I am quite content at this point in my life. There are things that I am having to deal with, like learning what love is and how that is supposed to be worked out in your life, and I have my struggles (yes, patience is a virtue and very necessary), but God has been so good to me and those around me that I find myself in awe of Him on a regular basis. His love is so perfect, His grace is so wonderful, His mercy long-lasting, and His blessings so bountiful. Truly, God has been only good to me. Even when my life feels crazy and there seems to be so much in it that is frustrating or hard, if I can just keep my focus on Him He will take care of everything. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5,6
I love that Scripture. Since the Lord has been talking to me so much recently about trusting Him and letting Him work instead of me trying to do everything I have found such peace when I really do trust in and lean on Him, and so much turmoil when I do the opposite. I am also glad that when I am struggling with doing what is right and making those hard right decisions He is always faithful to help me out. I can see more and more each day that it is really Christ Who is living and working in me to work out His will for my life and that is my only hope of glory, my hope of success.

Catching Up

I know it's been almost a week since I last posted. I'm sorry. My life has been so crazy! School started and that means I now have homework to do as well as a hectic performance and rehearsal schedule. This weekend I was super busy. Highlights: I went to a makeup party Sunday night for a friend's birthday and OMG, now I am absolutely POSITIVE I am not a girly-girl. I was dying the almost three hours I was there. There were probably thirty women in one house and most of them were over 30. They were some of the silliest women I have ever been around. It was truly a "hen party". At the end there was some relief when a woman who was really funny started clowning around with a couple of wigs. She was hilarious and made the last 30 minutes a total blast. I was laughing non-stop. But, of course, she wasn't a part of the really giggly, silly stuff that the other women seemed to find so entertaining, so, she was definitely more my type of woman. I then went home and watched the best movie I have seen all year, "The Ultimate Gift". It was such a good movie I would see it again. It made me cry! No, I wasn't bawling, but I was teary-eyed. Of course some of that might have been due to the fact that I was missing someone horribly and desperately wanted to be with him. Monday, was another interesting day. I got up rather early and made myself get dressed up so my sister could shoot pictures of me. She said she needed more images for her photography business and I said I would help her. So, after a shower, too much time picking out something to wear, putting on a mask of make-up, and fighting with my mane of hair to get it looking descently, we embarked on our quest: looking for a good place to take pictures. After three different places and traveling across town we succeeded in getting a few. Her words: I got a couple of good ones. Sheesh!!!! What I do for family! Anyway, the rest of the day was spent in various trips to the store, doing some homework, and spending way too much money. At night I went for a girls night out with my friends and we saw "Becoming Jane", which I absolutely loved. It was sad but it was so good. Afterwards we went over to a friends house and hung out for a little while. It was nice to have down time with my friends. So, today I am a little tired and will be busy once again, but that seems to be my life's course, so I am fine with it. Well, it didn't take too long to catch up and maybe this week I can stay more current (fingers crossed).