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Well, I've tried writing about this Christmas season 3 different times now, and to no avail. I simply cannot sum up what I want to say in a single blog post. Plus, I am having difficulty keeping myself focused on one thing long enough to finish it before I flit to the next thing. *Sigh* I will eventually conquer this. In the meantime, please bear with me and don't stop checking in on me. I promise you will be rewarded. :)

Wintry Reflections

I'm sitting on my couch watching the snow fall outside. It's beautiful. The large flakes are blanketing the landscape in a quiet beauty that only snowfall can accomplish. The snow that has fallen on the ground is accumulating into large piles of white crystals resembling piles of tiny sparkling diamonds. So gorgeous, so amazing. It's incredible to realize that each one the billions of snowflakes lying outside my window is unique. How amazing is God! I love still, quiet mornings like this, when I have time to sit and reflect on the wonders around me, to soak in all the spectacular beauty that God has placed in this world. Honestly, there are no words that can properly sum up what I see and feel. I'm not sure why I keep trying to use my feeble language to describe something as magnificent and beyond comprehension as the creative power of God. Still, the awesomeness of it all fills my heart to such a point, that I can't help but try. I think this must be what the author of the song "How Great Thou Art" experienced as he penned the words, "Then sings my soul, My Saviour, God to Thee, How great Thou art!" I don't know if my soul is any better at expressing to my Saviour how in awe of Him I truly am than my physical attempts at doing so, but somehow, I think it is. I like to believe that my soul can commune with the Lord in a way that is unhindered by the boundaries and shortcomings of my physical body because my soul has been renewed by the saving life of Christ in me. Whatever the case may be, I do know that whenever I stop and take the time to see God in the things around me - His creation, my circumstances, the many wonderful things in my life - I am overcome with a deep sense of gratitude and wonder at Who God is and what He has done. I may not be able to sum that up accurately in words or expressions, but I know that the Lord sees my heart, and the message has gotten through to the One it was intended for.

Thanksgiving

It's Thanksgiving weekend and it's been quite enjoyable. The fun started Wednesday evening when I got off work. I met Mr. Darcy in Boulder and we headed down to Denver to catch an indie movie I had been wanting to see. The drive down and back gave us time to talk and catch up with each other about our week and plan for the holiday weekend. The movie was very thought provoking and all-around a great experience, and it was fun to compare notes and thoughts about it. When we got home we went straight to the grocery store to shop for our Thanksgiving feast ingredients. Grocery shopping before Thanksgiving is one of my favorite family traditions. My Dad and I have shared many happy moments strolling the aisles of a grocery store, gathering all the things we would need to make Thanksgiving dinner. I was happy to share this tradition for the first time with my husband. It took us about an hour to get everything we needed and head home to stash all of it. After spending time rearranging the refrigerator and the counters to accommodate our bounty, we set the turkey up to defrost and headed to bed.
Our Thanksgiving day started early with me prepping the turkey to go into the oven. We have a very small kitchen, and it was necessary to do all our cooking and baking in waves in order to get it all done. So, the turkey, being the item that needed to cook the longest, was the first thing to be cooked. It took me some time to get everything ready and then Mr. Darcy helped me season and stuff the turkey and then put it in the oven bag and set it in the oven. The morning scene in our kitchen was quite hilarious and heart-warming, and one I will remember and cherish forever: Me in PJs scurrying about the kitchen adding seasoning to this and that, chopping and mixing ingredients; Mr. Darcy belting Freddy Mercury songs in a high falsetto (he informed me it was the anniversary of Freddy Mercury's death) as he danced from the counter to me and then back again; food in some form or another setting on counters and tables; pots and pans waiting to be used lying about; laughter filling the air at regular intervals.
As the morning progressed our Thanksgiving feast began to take shape. I worked steadily in the kitchen preparing candied yams, baked acorn squash, green bean casserole, turkey gravy, cranberry relish, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, and apple crisp. Mr. Darcy ran to the grocery store to pick up a few items we had overlooked and then worked hard to straighten and clean up the house for our invited guests. By 3:00 o'clock in the afternoon, the house looked incredibly clean, the table was appropriately decorated and set, the food was coming along nicely, and our guests arrived. Our guests were good friends from South Korea and it was the first time they had been a part of a traditional American Thanksgiving. We had a wonderful time sharing our tradition with them and catching up on all the goings on in their lives over the past couple of months. Dinner was served at just after 5 p.m. and as we all gathered around the table with our plates piled high, Mr. Darcy offered a prayer of thanksgiving for all the blessings we had received this past year and hope that the next year would be as blessed. Dinner was truly a feast of good food and we relished each dish with delight. It's not often that my husband and I have the chance to sit and enjoy such rich, delicious food. This was an opportunity we were not going to hasten along; rather we reveled in it, making it last as long as possible. We were stuffed after eating just the main entrees. Dessert was tempting, but we weren't sure where we would put it. It's a good thing it wasn't going anywhere; we could eat it later on in the evening.
After our friends went home, Mr. Darcy built a fire and he and I shared some hot apple cider and pumpkin pie with vanilla ice cream. It was the perfect ending to a perfect Thanksgiving. This was the first year Mr. Darcy and I had Thanksgiving alone, without any family around us. When we first began to realize that money was tight and would not allow us to travel for this holiday, we were a bit wary of what the holiday would be like. Certainly, for Mr. Darcy, this would be his first Thanksgiving without family of any kind around. I wanted to make things extra special for him and I hoped our holiday would be a good one; but I wasn't sure it was going to happen. I am so thankful and grateful that our day together turned out to be better than I had hoped. I think, in some strange, mysterious way, God blessed our Thanksgiving day, making it more than we could have imagined, filling our hearts with the fullness of His love. I hope next year is as good, for this year's Thanksgiving will not be soon forgotten.

Meanderings of the Mind

I read something today that got me thinking about my past. Of course, my past is always with me and it takes very little to bring up the memories and feelings that represent my prior life experiences. However, this was different. I have long wanted to write a book about my life and my experiences as a child. Perhaps I feel that writing everything down will help me understand it better, or perhaps I feel that the unique set of experiences that were mine are far too intriguing and unusual to keep to myself. Whatever the case, I finally took up the task of writing about my life this past summer. I'm about 2 pages in to the first chapter. Now that's progress for you, right? ;) Anyway, I am determined to finish this work, but oddly, I am more comfortable writing about my entire past in the privacy of my home office than discussing small bits of it with friends. I'm even scared of discussing it online in a forum or discussion board. That's strange to me. I can't quite understand it. And that's where my reading from today comes in. I ran across a discussion in a forum about a young girl who ran away from home to join a cult and then, after being in the cult for 3 years, went through more than a year of therapy to deprogram herself. From what I can tell, the girl has been out of the cult for about 3 years and done with therapy for at least a year, and there she was discussing it all with thousands of online viewers. I was struck by her honesty and her ability to accept responsibility for her decisions. I was also struck by her willingness to be so vulnerable about something so private and potentially embarrassing. Although this girl's story was almost as different from mine as 2 people's can be, I found her willingness to share quite admirable. And that got me thinking. Sure, I am writing a book about my experiences, and some day that will be available to anyone and everyone who wants to read it. Yet, what am I doing right now to tell my story, to be vulnerable and open about my experiences? I know that talking about things brings healing, and I have experiences that at some level over the past 4 years, but, perhaps it is time to expand. Perhaps it is time to open up to a wider audience and allow my story to reach others and maybe even affect them in good ways. Perhaps it is time to be open and honest on a level I never thought possible. I guess we shall see.......

A Whole Year

It's hard to believe it's been a whole year since I last posted. This past year has been very full, and while I wanted to get back here multiple times, it never happened. Now I am at point in my life where picking up my internet pen and sharing with the world my thoughts is once again a possibility. I would catch you up, if I could, but there has been far too much happen to fit into one post. So, I will start afresh from this point on, writing about my thoughts, my feeling, my experiences. Life is truly a grand adventure and the many twists and turns along the way make it that much more exciting. I've always been thankful for this blog and the outlet it has provided me and I am hoping that some day the things I share here may help others as well. Writing is such a gift; I hope I can be worthy of the gift that has been bestowed upon me and use it to give back to others.
Here's to the new future of this blog! :)