Meanderings of the Mind

I read something today that got me thinking about my past. Of course, my past is always with me and it takes very little to bring up the memories and feelings that represent my prior life experiences. However, this was different. I have long wanted to write a book about my life and my experiences as a child. Perhaps I feel that writing everything down will help me understand it better, or perhaps I feel that the unique set of experiences that were mine are far too intriguing and unusual to keep to myself. Whatever the case, I finally took up the task of writing about my life this past summer. I'm about 2 pages in to the first chapter. Now that's progress for you, right? ;) Anyway, I am determined to finish this work, but oddly, I am more comfortable writing about my entire past in the privacy of my home office than discussing small bits of it with friends. I'm even scared of discussing it online in a forum or discussion board. That's strange to me. I can't quite understand it. And that's where my reading from today comes in. I ran across a discussion in a forum about a young girl who ran away from home to join a cult and then, after being in the cult for 3 years, went through more than a year of therapy to deprogram herself. From what I can tell, the girl has been out of the cult for about 3 years and done with therapy for at least a year, and there she was discussing it all with thousands of online viewers. I was struck by her honesty and her ability to accept responsibility for her decisions. I was also struck by her willingness to be so vulnerable about something so private and potentially embarrassing. Although this girl's story was almost as different from mine as 2 people's can be, I found her willingness to share quite admirable. And that got me thinking. Sure, I am writing a book about my experiences, and some day that will be available to anyone and everyone who wants to read it. Yet, what am I doing right now to tell my story, to be vulnerable and open about my experiences? I know that talking about things brings healing, and I have experiences that at some level over the past 4 years, but, perhaps it is time to expand. Perhaps it is time to open up to a wider audience and allow my story to reach others and maybe even affect them in good ways. Perhaps it is time to be open and honest on a level I never thought possible. I guess we shall see.......