Thoughts

There are so many thoughts running around in my head tonight.  There are things I want to say, things I want to mull over and work through, things I want to remember, and futures I want to dream about.  As happens so frequently with me, my thoughts have overwhelmed me and I find it hard to put them on paper.  Sometimes I wonder why it is that my thoughts have to rush in like torrential rains, and then why they have to stay and swirl around like churning oceans waters.  Why is it that I cannot think of things one at a time rather than 500 things at a times?  Even as I write this I find myself wanting to say so many things but having a hard time focusing on one specific thing to write about.  Perhaps things are more difficult right now because there has been so much happening recently.  Or, perhaps it is this time of year, which is always somewhat hard for me.  I could go on and on wondering why, but I have never found that to be helpful.  What seems to be most helpful is just talking about what I am thinking.

A few months ago I blogged about making some changes in my life.  I talked about some goals I had that included getting into shape and making healthier choices, trying new things, and working to pay some things off.  While it has not been easy to work towards these goals, I am really happy to say that I have made progress.  I just completed the 3rd straight week of consistently exercising for 6 days out of every week.  The workouts aren't especially grueling or long, and I feel almost embarrassed to admit that.  However, I am really proud that I have stuck with it and it's given me hope that I will continue to stick with it.  I haven't really lost any weight, which is disappointing, but I do feel better about myself.

On the trying new things front, I continue to stretch my horizons, particularly in the food area.  The summer provided all sorts of opportunities to try new foods, and I loved it!  I even spent some time trying new beers. :)  I haven't had nearly as many adventures as I had hoped, but I did have a few that made the summer very enjoyable.  I will continue to look for new foods to try and new adventures to have.  I don't think my focus will be so intense these next few months, but I also think that this has become more of a habit for me, so it doesn't need intense focus.

The financial side of things has been a bit more rough.  It feels that for everything inch I gained, I lost a mile.  There were some good things.  My student loans finally fell below the $100,000 dollar limit, which felt really good.  It's still a lot to pay off, but it helps seeing some progress.  There have been other struggles this summer on the financial front, but I can say that I am learning to stress about it less.  My wonderful husband is so much better at that than me and he is always quick to reassure me that things will be ok.  I do believe that, but I am growing weary of the battle and hope that it will not be too much longer.

There have been so much that has happened for me personally these past few months.  I feel like I am continuing to grow and I am starting to expand my hopes and dreams for the future.  My ideas about what I wish for have changed somewhat and I am finding myself imagining a future that looks very different from the one I always thought would be.  I am starting to realize that just because I am fearful of something not going the way I thought it would doesn't mean it will be a bad thing.  In fact, most times it turns out better than if things had gone the way I had intended them to.

Perhaps the best way to sum up my thoughts right now is to say there are some things that I am more sure of than ever, some things that I have never been more unsure of, and some things that I have realized I have no idea about.  How's that for a summary?  Just as random and chaotic as all the thoughts rolling around in my head right now.  Well, at least it's an accurate representation.

The Flood

It's been a while since I posted and while my blog has been quiet, my life has not.  It seems that my summer was filled with all sorts of everything and there was very little "free" time.  Or maybe it's just that I didn't really feel like blogging.  You know, creative types are known for lack of consistency. :)

At any rate, it is now halfway through September and I find myself wanting to write again.  This past week has been a hard one for my adopted state home.  We had massive flooding for most of last week and there are still parts of the state that are experiencing some flood-like conditions.  There was so much destruction from the rain and water.  So many people have lost their homes or their homes are in desperate need of repairs.  Some people lost their lives.  It's been a sobering, and at times scary, experience these past 7 days.  I've never been this close to a natural disaster.  In Arizona, the closest thing to a natural disaster we see is a bad sandstorm or a wicked thunderstorm.  The flooding in Colorado this past week was something else.  Entire communities were destroyed.  Roads all over the northern part of the state were washed out, leaving many people stranded or handicapped in their day-to-day lives.  

On the positive side, it has been so amazing to see how well equipped the state appears to be in handling something like this.  The fire fighters, police officers, and rescue workers all acted quickly and worked tirelessly to ensure the safety of people.  The national guard came in and worked hard to rescue people.  The thing that has been most amazing to see, though, is the response of ordinary citizens here.  Even before there were formal avenues to help with rescues and restoration, people were eagerly trying to help.  There were so many people who went out of their way to help their neighbors and people they didn't even know.  I don't honestly remember ever seeing a community band together in quite the same way.  Even now, with the flood waters receding and the destruction growing more apparent, people are starting to rebuild and they are helping those around them to rebuild.

Another thing I noticed during this crisis was the humor and positive attitudes people had while this was going on.  There was no negativity to be seen.  Nobody was whining, nobody was forecasting doom.  People were honest about what was happening, but with a very pragmatic approach.  I heard so many people say, "things are just things" when asked about the loss of large chunks of their property.  I heard people say funny things and find the humor in situations, and it was incredible.  I've never lived somewhere where people did that, and it was an experience to remember.

The worst part of this experience, or should I say the scariest part, is over.  The sun has started shining again and the waters are not threatening life and property.  However, there is still a lot of work to do to restore the things that have been damaged.  There are going to be months, if not years, of hard work ahead of everyone in this state.  I hope that the positive outlooks and humorous attitudes will continue through this time.  I hope that I can look back on this whole experience and still feel the wonder, amazement, thankfulness and pride I feel right now at Colorado my home state.