Some Thoughts

Oh to be who I really want to be.   That's what I really want.  I find it incredibly frustrating that there are so many rules and expectations that I must meet that keep me from being who I want to be, who I really am.  All my life I have fought against being a stereotype, against being taken for granted as a number or a specific gender.  I've fought long and hard to be respected for who I am and not what I look like or how many fantasies I fulfill.  I'm heartbroken that apparently in the end, none of that matters.  I guess you can't have it all.  There is no balanced woman who can be both loved and desired.  It seems you have to choose between the two.  Either you are the sexy, strong domineering type who isn't a very attractive person inside, or you're the sweet, caring devoted woman who is relegated to being boring and prudish for the rest of her life.  I hate this; despise it in fact.  It makes me want to scream and shout and take by the throat the prehistoric man who started this whole concept and brought grief forever into women's lives.  I'm not a play thing.  I'm not just a cute face or gorgeous body.  I have a mind.  I have thoughts and opinions.  I want to be respected and loved for who I am and not ignored or traded for a fictitious ideal of a physically pleasing woman.  I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT!!  I am so much more, and I want you to see it.  I want you to see and love it and desire it.  I want that to be the standard for what is attractive and desirable.  I'm sick of being compared to plastic women with balloons for breasts and asses that they have to live on a weight machine to maintain and achieve.  Women who wear clothes that are way too tight, way too revealing, and as classless as they come.  I want to be compared to graceful, modest, beautiful women who are appreciated for their wit and humor and ability to think and reason.  Is that really too much to ask of the male population?  Are you really that entrenched in your pathetic, juvenile ideals of women that you can't really see there is so much more to it?  Perhaps we haven't really come as far as we thought in the past century.  Perhaps we have more work to do than is readily admitted.  I hope the future will allow women to be who they really want to be without relegating them to the ridiculous man-made categories that serve only to limit and suppress the true beauty and awesomeness of all a woman is.