This and That

This week has been interesting. I am having to get used to working full-time, which is not fun, and I am still trying to sort things out in my life and figure out where I am headed. There have been so many good things and some not so good things, but life overall is good and God is still such a wonderful God, Jesus such an amazing Savior. One thing about working is that, aside from the extra money, I am gaining some really good experience and I am busy so there isn't too much time to reflect on the things in my life that I wish were different or even better. There have been a lot of good times the past few weeks and I have had a lot of "first's". For instance, I went to my first college basketball game last night. It was fun. I really enjoyed myself. I ate dippin' dots ice cream for the first time and that was, uh, interesting (?). I've tried more new foods in the past three weeks than in my whole life and there have been other experiments as well (lol). I am excited at this moment to discover all the things I have never had the opportunity to see and do and I am filled with anticipation at what the Lord has in store for me. There are the hard things to deal with as well, but God has given me some incredible friends to help me through those times. He has restored family relationships that have been ruined for years and He has brought people back into my life that have been gone for far too long. I know Thanksgiving was last week, but I am finding myself overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude and thanks to the Lord for the many blessings He has poured out on me and for all the wonderful provisions He has made. There is no way to express all the praise, thanks, and adoration He is worthy of, and no way to express just how much He means to me and how much I love Him. As I prepare to enter this Christmas season, I know that it will be the hardest one I have ever had to face, but the thought that I will have the opportunity to spend several weeks celebrating what God did in sending Jesus to this earth is a wonderful feeling. I'm so glad I have something to celebrate this season, and no matter how bad things may seem or feel there will always be something to rejoice about, something to celebrate.

My Grandma

For the past few days I have been sorting through things that belonged to my grandmother. I took several thing with me when I returned from Texas and I have been helping my dad sort through things that he brought back. I've read old cards, looked at pictures and remembered a lot of things. Truth be told, I am still in the grieving process. It has been harder than I thought, but I am getting through it slowly but surely. My grandparents were always very special to me. My grandfather and I were very close and when I lost him I was deeply grieved. In many ways his passing brought me close to my grandmother. She and I shared stories and memories about my grandfather time and time again. But that wasn't all we shared. I knew I could talk to my grandmother about anything: frustrations, excitements, the general goings on of everyday life, and questions about the many things I didn't understand. She was one of the most caring people I have ever met. She could form relationships with anyone. If you were ever a part of our family you were always a part of her life. I can think of the numerous former aunts and girlfriends, step-cousins and friends that she kept in contact with and tried to let know that she cared about them, that they were valuable to her. She used to always say, "You can't control what anybody does, only yourself, and you can always chose to love people." That's how she lived her life. She gave of herself everyday, laid down her life and her plans on numerous occasions to help her friends or her family. She found such joy in being with those she loved and she could let you know what she thought about you without making you think you were the worst person on earth. She had a lot of grandchildren and I am sure there were times when we certainly let her down, but she never said it. She was always so full of encouragement, and the best kind at that - encouragement in the Lord. She was always reminding us that the Lord was real and a part of our lives and we should live to honor Him to the best of our ability. She made sure that those around her knew how important her relationship with the Lord was and she always pointed them to Him, assuring them that He had all the love and help they would ever need. Sure, she scolded and there were times when she would have to make us mind, but there was never a time when we doubted that she loved us unconditionally and would do anything for us. She was unlike any other person I have ever known and I can only hope to live up to her standard of excellence in living this life. The Bible says a virtuous woman is hard to find, her beauty is found in her relationship to God and her family, and that her children will rise up and call her blessed. Grammer, you were truly a virtuous woman and I want to say that you were truly blessed and my life was blessed because you were a part of it. I miss you so much - your smile, your laugh, your tender touch, your encouraging words - but I know the separation is only temporary and I can't wait for the day when I can see you again. Goodbye for now.

Thanksgiving

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and I hope you all had a great day. I have so much to be thankful for. God has been so good to me and provided me with so many good things that I could never thank Him enough or say enough about what a great, amazing God He is. He is beyond comparison and there really aren't words that can aptly describe Him. I continue to be in awe of Him and I was happy to spend a day reflecting on all the blessings He has bestowed on my and those I love. I had a very different Thanksgiving from anything I have had in quite a while. I was with a different set of family and it was a nice change. There were people I got to know for the first time and family I got to catch up with. The day started kind of slow and I wasn't sure I was going to enjoy myself but when all was said and done God was so good and the day turned out really well. There were several family members that met at my grandparents old home and there was lots of reminiscing about days gone by. There were plenty of laughs at stories and old pictures and quite a bit of joking about things like cell phones and husbands. It was a lot of fun. Towards the end of the afternoon the immediate family gathered in my uncle's work shed to go through my recently deceased grandmother's things. It was a good time of remembering things about her and my grandfather and laughing at some of the ridiculous things we found. I really enjoyed myself and I think the whole experience helped draw everyone in the family closer together. My favorite things to go through were the pictures, my grandmother's recipes, and her numerous records. By the time I was done I ended up with 5 boxes of stuff for my dad to drive home for me. I am richer in family history and in my record collection. My grandparent's farm has always had a special place in my heart and I always loved going back there as a kid. This year it was hard to imagine being there without one of them to great me as I walked in the door, but life continues, even after you lose someone, and there were other family member's arms to hold me in place of my grandparent's. Last night I curled up on the couch in the living room like I had done so many times as a child. I had on my grandmother's flannel pajama pants (it was really cold there), and my grandfather's flannel shirt on. I was wrapped in the memories of them and all the times, good and bad, that I had with them, and it was a comforting thought to fall asleep to. I miss you, Grammer and Poppie, but I know I'll see you again some day soon.

My Weekend

This past weekend was great! Friday was pretty good. I spent time with a good friend, got to try cooking some new things, which was very interesting, and had one of the best nights I've had in a while. Saturday I dragged my tired self out of bed at a super early hour and went paintballing. That was a blast!!!! At the beginning I wasn't sure I was going to have a good time. My friend and I met the guy that was going to drive us to the field and that was quite interesting. I found myself in the back of an old Suburban filled with people I didn't know, except my friend, flying down the highway at 90 plus miles an hour. "I'm on the Highway to Hell" was blaring from the stereo and the driver was pretending the entire time that he was going to lose control of the car and run into someone. That part I could have done without, but the rest of the day was good. I got to meet some interesting people, one of whom was in the car with us and kept things very entertaining. He was great to talk to and fun to play paintball with. The paintball field itself was quite a new experience for me, but I had so much fun. I imagine that my super competitive self was thriving on the fact that I was playing with mostly men and, of course, being one of the few women, I had to prove myself. But, really, all that aside I had a really good time and I would do it again in a heartbeat. The atmosphere was completely a man's world with rock music blaring from a DeWalt stereo, men in camo, multiple pieces of equipment everywhere you went, very few women to be found, beer by the cartons, and stacks of comic books lying around in case you needed a momentary diversion. I have to say though, most of the men treated me pretty well. There were a few that didn't really like the fact that I was there and I had to restrain myself from killing a chauvinist referee, but most of the guys were really cool. I have a few battle scars such as a swollen knuckle and two bruises the size of a golf ball on both my legs, but there is nothing too terrible. My favorite line of the day came from one of the guys I was playing with and happened when he had to pick between me and another guy for who was going to be on his team: "I pick her because, well, she's a girl and I always prefer girls to guys, and she has awesome nails, and besides, she's got a sweet attitude!" That about summed up my day. It was fun. I want to go again, but I think next time I will go with someone I know so I don't have to play with only people who don't know me and then I have to show them just who I really am.

Ramblings

Today is the first day it has actually felt like fall here in Tucson. There was a slight rain early this morning, the sky is overcast and the temperature is slightly warmer than cool. All I can say is FINALLY! I've been waiting for weeks for this and I am so glad it is finally here. My two favorite times of the year in Tucson are fall and spring. You can't beat the weather and everything looks better too. So, the year is wrapping itself up rather quickly and I am still shaking my head wondering where all the time went. This has been quite the year for me. Amazing doesn't even begin to sum it up, but it does give it a good start. At this present moment I feel like I have been given a brand new chance at life, a chance to live out all my dreams and not be held back by anything other than my own mistakes and shortcomings. Perhaps that seems strange for some of you but, trust me, this is a new situation for me to be in. I am totally independent for the first time in my life and while slightly unnerving, it is also very liberating. I am admittedly a little frightened at this great big world I live in knowing that I am doing and experiencing so many things that are new, but strangely, I have a quiet confidence that I can do this, that the Lord is helping me every step of the way and that I will be a success. I have to pause here a moment and say that the Lord has been so good to me the past few weeks. He is always so incredibly good to me, but especially in the past two weeks, He has done so much more for me than I ever expected. He has given me people to care for me and help me at one of the lowest points of my life and He has provided my every need sometimes before I ask or in ways I never thought possible. He is such a great God and I love Him so much and am so thankful for Him and in awe of Who He is. For those of you who read this and know what I am referencing, I have to say a special thank you to you as well. I wouldn't have been able to come through everything I've come through without you. You've been great and I couldn't ask for better friends.

FYI

Just to let those know who might be interested - I have new blog. It's stories from my life. I hope they are as entertaining to read as they were to experience. There is a link at the bottom of this blog. It's the Urban Bus Adventures link. Check it out if you dare.

A Note

I'm always amazed at the incredible turns in the road I seem to stumble across in this journey known as life. Just when I think I have things figured out something comes along and everything changes. I have experienced more change in the past two weeks than I ever have before. It's certainly not a bad thing, but it has been hard to deal with. Thankfully I have had the time to recuperate this past week and so I feel much better and able to handle things. I have been dealing with hurt, grief, confusion, and loss, and somewhere in the middle of all this I am in love. It's a wild and wacky mix but it's me for now. What amazes me most about everything is the way the Lord has put people on my path to help me during this time. I have some great friends that have been so helpful and supportive, a man that amazes me with his strength and support and his ability to care, and an unexpected new acquaintance that has proven to be just the encouraging voice I need at this moment. God has been so good to me and I am so thankful for His constant care for me and His watching out for me. Without Him how lost I would be.

Short Note

So it's been forever since I posted and my life has been CRAZY! There have been so many things that have changed and so many more that are about to change. Change is good but at the same time it isn't always easy. I'm having to make some tough decisions and try to live my life in a different way. I'm not scared but I am cautious and hoping I don't screw up too royally. I can't write much right now but I can promise that the next few posts I will try to fill you all in on my adventures in a new path of life.