Almost a new year

Well, I don't know if I will be able to post tomorrow because I will be pretty busy, so I'm going to post my last posting of 2006 now and if I do more later, great. What do I want to say? How do I sum up one of the wackiest, most difficult, most interesting years I have ever had. 2006 wasn't as difficult as 2005, but maybe that's because I was more able to cope with the hard things that happened. I definitely feel older. I am not far from thirty and quite frankly that is a bit scary. I learned so much this year; I hope it sticks. For the first time in almost three years I didn't lose any friends and for the first time in almost three years I met some new people and made what looks like will be great friends. I got a job (a real one), shock and awe!!! I passed my GRE's, applied to grad school, got denied, got some great experience in my field and took some more classes including my first graduate level class, in which I got an A :), thank you very much. I lost a relationship I really wanted, I lost someone who was very dear to me - Miss Emma, you are missed-, I finally came to terms with the fact that I'm single (and I actually like it now, gasp!), I learned a few things about paying bills -I'm sure there's more to learn-, I had some friends graduate (yes!, finally), I overcame some giant obstacles in my personal life, and I am happier than I've been in my whole life. Jesus became more real than ever and all the blessings I received have left me deeply grateful for the wonderful God I serve. There was so much to this year that it is hard to sum it all up in this one post, but basically it was a good year and hopefully next year will at least be as good; better is also fine with me.

Thoughts

I was talking to an unexpected person yesterday. I have to admit I was surprised by the conversation and the fact that I actually enjoyed it. Funny how you think you know yourself and yet the slightest change can change your opinion or your outlook. The conversation kept me awake long after I had signed off and lied down to go to sleep. My mind was racing and I couldn't seem to quiet it enough to actually rest. There was one question that kept especially bugging me. What is a Christian? How would I describe what I believe to be a true Christian? There are so many people out there who identify with the Christian religion, but what is being a Christian actually all about? Well, I did some looking and some refreshing of my memory and I have an answer. It may not be all inclusive but it is a start at least. The Christians were first called such at Antioch. Christian is a Greek word that means little Christ. The disciples in Antioch acted so much like Jesus that the Greeks referred to them as little Christs. So, in order to be a Christian you should be acting like Christ, enough so that people can see it and recognize it as such. The only way to act just like Christ is to have His spirit living on the inside of you and controlling you. That means that we can't act like ourselves with a little bit of Jesus added in the mix; we have to allow Jesus to live through us so much so that people see Him and not us. Does that mean we become perfect like Jesus? No, and definitely not overnight, but there is hope for us. We can strive for the goal, as the apostle Paul said, to become like Jesus and to attain His goal for our lives; and it is Him in us, not ourselves that makes it possible to do this. Paul said it was Christ in Him that was the hope of glory. It wasn't Paul and his great abilities or his amazing spirituality. It was the fact that Christ resided in him and gave him the ability to attain all God had for him, and the same is true for us. In and of myself I am nothing, "In me dwelleth no good thing." But I have Jesus and He gives me the ability to live beyond my limits and achieve what God has for me, for with God all things are possible and we are more than conquerors through Christ Who is our strength. That's what being a Christian is all about - hope for life and living life abundantly just as God intended us to.

Wednesday

Wow! What a day it's been. Actually, it wasn't that different from most Wednesdays, but the ending of it changed the whole day. I started out kinda dragging because I'm still not fully recovered from this cold I've had for a week now. Work was slow and pretty much uninteresting except for the fun conversations I had with my co-workers, especially that one about dating and marriage, Scott. The rest of the day was nothing terribly exciting or out of the ordinary for me, but around 8:30 tonight things began to look up. First, I had to make about a thirty minute trip to get home and I got to make it with my little brother, whom I absolutely love. Since he's been in college I only get to spend time with him on breaks, so it was nice to be with him, even if we did spend half the time sleeping in the back seat of my mom's car. Then when we were almost home, a thunderstorm hit. I love thunderstorms and this one was pretty big with lightning streaks and hail. To top everything off, when I got home, my niece started a fire and broke out the stuff for s'mores. There is nothing like sitting in your living room while it's cold and rainy outside and roasting marshmallows and making s'mores. That made my day. I know, I know. I can hear my girlfriends saying, "You shouldn't eat that kind of stuff right before bed. Once on the lips, forever on the hips!" Oh well. My hips will have to deal with it 'cause I enjoyed every minute of it and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Isn't it funny how the last hour of a day can define the entire day? In this case I'm thankful it can and did.

Christmas

It's Christmas day. Everyone has stopped their usual activities, families have gathered, for a moment the hustle and bustle of everday has paused. We are celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior. Some would say there is magic in the air. Some would say there is the feeling that things which are not possible the whole year through are somehow possible on Christmas day. No doubt there was the presence of the supernatural on that first Christmas night, so long ago, when God came to earth in the form of man and started the process that would bring our desperate race redemption. We were so in need and He was and is so willing to meet our need. Yet, many will brush over the day and never see how a birth in a stable more than 2000 years ago affects them today. To them it's a nice story that touches your heart in some strange way but does little more. How sad, that they will miss the one thing that separates Jesus from all other gods - He came to man so that man could come to Him. Because He layed aside His glory and took the form of a lowly man we can have a personal relationship with Almighty God, the Creator of the universe. It is a thought that still, even 2000 plus years later, inspires awe in the hearts and minds of those who have experienced His salvation. This poem was written nine years ago, yet it is more real today than it was then.

"Where Christ Was Born"

Dark.

Dirty.

Smelly.

Lowly.

Crowded.

Shameful.

Despairing.

Sadly Lacking.

Uncomfortable.

Unfit for a King.

In need of repairs.

Into this was Christ born.

Not a stable, but my heart.

Thoughts

I'm at home sick tonight, trying to recover from a horrible cold so I can perform Christmas night in a big Messiah production. Nothing is worse than being home sick. You can't do much and you don't really feel like doing much. Well, this is what too much stress gets you. One would think I had learned my lesson by now, but nooooo, not me. I'm just too stubborn for that. I always have to push the limits and see what else I can do. Oh well. I will recover and I'm sure I'll feel much better tomorrow. I have a long weekend in front of me with so many things to do, but most of all I get to celebrate Christmas. I haven't been happier to celebrate this season in my whole life. I don't know why I didn't see it before, but the whole hustle and bustle of the season is so much more enjoyable when the focus is on Jesus and being so grateful for what He did during this time of year. I always wondered how the wise men could rejoice with exceeding great joy when they saw the star that would lead them to Bethlehem, knowing that they had a two year journey ahead of them that was not going to be easy. Now I know it was the realization that God had come down to earth to bridge the gap between Himself and mankind and a feeling of awe that One so great would make such a sacrifice to save us from all of our sins and the many messes that we make in our lives and the lives of those around us. Surely, if they could be excited about following a star to worship Jesus I can be excited about decorating and spreading cheer to others to show my worship and love for Jesus.

Ode to My Nephew

I want to dedicate this post to the most wonderful kid I know, my nephew Porter. He is four years old, every bit a boy, and he is slightly autistic. There are many things about Porter that make it hard to deal with him; like the fact that he doesn't know very many words so he can't always communicate what he wants, or the fact that he doesn't always understand what you're telling him so he can't carry it out. There is also the problem of having him in certain environments that over-stimulate him or cause him to be so miserable you have to take him out of them. There are the usual problems that kids have and he definitely possesses the curiosity of a four year-old. But, there are so many things about him that make him the best gift anyone could have given our family. Porter loves so easily. He is never afraid to run up and give you a hug and a kiss or to stoke your face and back to let you know he loves you. He is quick to return each "I love you" with his own "ove you". He is always wanting to help do something, whether it's unloading the car or making something in the kitchen. He trusts you to take care of him and for the most part he is obedient when given instruction. He loves animals, especially horses, and promptly introduces himself if ever he is around one. He loves watching movies about animals and he loves Veggie Tales. He is very good at mimicking things and I get such a kick out of watching him mimic dance moves on a movie or sing a song as though he is performing it on stage. I love to hear him insist on saying his blessing before he eats which usually consists of several garbled words and ends with, "Jesu name, Men." Porter always makes me smile, especially when he grins his huge, toothy smile and has a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. I have never known anyone that has taught me more about loving someone or who has brought more joy into my life than I could have ever asked for. He's the greatest, even with all his problems, and I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Trust

Having been through many things in the few years I have been on this planet I have picked up some good habits and some not so good habits. One of the not so good habits is an inability to trust. I knew it was bad, but didn't know quite how bad until I had someone ask me the other day to name one person I completely trusted and I couldn't give them an answer. I've thought about it quite a bit since then I have come to somewhat of a conclusion. Just like love, in order to trust someone you have to be willing to take the chance that at some point that person will betray your trust, you may be hurt, and that relationship may be lost. On the other hand, that person may betray your trust and hurt you but you can work through the issues together and the relationship will come out stronger than it was before. The question is am I willing to take that risk? At this point I would have to say no, and I think that's sad. I want that to change, but am I really willing to take chances? Am I willing to be hurt and know that I can live through it so that I can enjoy the security of trusting people? There is also the fact that I need to realize that people trust me even though I am sure I have let them down numerous times. People take a chance on me every day, why can't I take a chance on them? Unfortunately, bad habits are hard to break and I have a feeling this one is going to take some time.

Guys

Of all the things I have read, heard and seen there is only one sentence that I have found that sums up guys: What the ----?!! You know, the Bible only records Adam's response upon seeing Eve; it never mentions Eve's response to Adam. I find this very curious and I am guessing that there simply weren't words for Eve to express the shock, bewilderment, and absolute loss for what to do with this creature called man. Of course there was the innate desire to help the poor creature, but do you love, put up with, despise, dislike, or simply ignore this fellow creature that demands so much thought and energy to be around? Now, when Adam and Eve were created things were perfect and there was no sin to mess things up, so perhaps Eve felt no perplexity at having to deal with Adam; but my how things have changed! Guys, is there some secret formula that we women should know about so we can function properly around you? If so, please enlighten us. Don't worry, we can take it, whatever it is. We are not so dim witted that we can't figure it out and put it to use. Ah, but I doubt any such formula exists and I am left to stumbling around in my interactions with the guys I know. Will I say the wrong thing, will I give the wrong impression, am I a bother to them, do they think I'm likable, how can I prove I'm just as good as they are? These are questions that most women ask in some form or another with most guys they meet. Sad, I know, but those are the facts. So, I guess the only thing to do is continue trying to do what's best, see what works and what doesn't and hope you don't make a colossal error a you will never recover from.

Monday

It's Monday morning and I am recovering from a long night of Christmas partying, as you will probably be able to tell from this post. It was fun to see old friends, talk to family and meet new people, but I'm glad it's all over. Now I can rest knowing there is no class to attend the next day or homework that is due. That's right, I'm a student, and a graduate student at that. I wish someone would have told me before I jumped into the fire how hot it was going to be. Oh well, too late for that now; might as well sit back and enjoy the ride. Speaking of rides, I rode the bus to work this morning and it was an amusing experience to say the least. There were your regular street people, high school students, etc., but there was also this group of women who were just yakin' away about how to cook things, accidents in the kitchen, and anything else that came to mind. It was comical to watch the men on the bus just stare at them as though they were from another planet. Perhaps that author had it right when he said men and women were from two different planets. Anyway, that about sums up my morning thus far. Now it's full force on into a week that will be so busy and yet, hopefully, so rewarding.

Random Thoughts

So, I've started a blog and now I actually have to have something important or at least relatively interesting to post. I definitely prefer this to a MySpace page (yuck). At least I don't feel pressured to post disgusting sparkle graphics that spell out elementary level messages in obnoxious colors or post terrible music with equally terrible videos that have absolutely nothing to do with my life as it is. In case you missed it, I am a bit on the sarcastic, cynical side, but no worries. There is a very bright side to me. I love to laugh, especially if it takes more than two neurons firing to process the content, and I am quite the practical joker. So, if I'm at least interesting enough for you to take time and stop to read my post, please leave me a message. I'd love to read it.