Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Embarrassment
Have you ever been really embarrassed about something? I have, too many times to remember. In fact, I am still horribly embarrassed about so many things. Old pictures of myself is a good example of this. Actually, make that pictures of myself, period, but old ones are the worst. I hate looking at myself and knowing that I look absolutely ridiculous in some of those pictures makes them even harder to look at. The situation becomes much worse when I actually show people pictures of myself, especially ones of me as a child. I don't like the way I look in pictures now and I hate the way I look in old pictures. Every time I pull out old photo albums there is this horrible sense of dread that comes over me. I can feel the embarrassment creeping up my spine and flushing my cheeks. My automatic instinct is to leave the room where the pictures are and try as hard as I can to get away from the images, as though that will make them go away. I thought that if I showed enough people that feeling would go away and eventually I wouldn't care who saw the pictures or what I looked like in them, but that is not the case. In fact, I find that with each time I hate it worse. So, I had to finally ask myself what it was that I was so embarrassed about and I think I found some answers. I am ashamed of myself in all those pictures. Ashamed of how I looked, ashamed of the things I was wearing, ashamed of who I was and what I represented. I hate how poor I was, how I dressed, what my hair looked like (SHEEESH, that was terrible!!), hate that I was such a nerd. When I look at those pictures I remember how I felt about myself then - how unloved, unwanted, completely awkward and so sadly lacking I thought I was - and that is what I hate most of all. That is what is most embarrassing about those pictures. In some way I'm afraid that everyone who see the pictures will see all the things I do, have all the criticisms and strong dislikes about them I do, and will view me the way I view myself, and that is a terrifying thought. With that in mind, I would say, then, that it is fear rather than embarrassment that creeps up my spine and flushes my face and makes me grip the picture book with such force, reluctantly turning each page, revealing more and more of who I have been in all my "glory". It's a fear that the pictures will cause rejection or will make someone think poorly of me. It's a fear that I will have to explain myself and have to attempt to answer all the "whys" those pictures evoke. I know it sounds completely irrational and silly, especially when one is writing about it on a blog that numerous people look at, but that is the truth. It would seem that the answer would be to just stop caring about it and "move on", but I am finding that that is a whole lot easier to say than to do. Perhaps the best thing to do is deal with the ridiculous but very real fear of rejection and then move on from there to conquer the sense of embarrassment that seems to overtake me each time I encounter old pictures. Logically thinking about it, I know I can't change the pictures as I cannot change the past, but I can accept it as what was and learn to not be afraid of how that knowledge of my past may affect those in my present and future. That seems like the first step, and my, what a large, grueling one it is!
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Thoughts
You know, God is so good and so merciful to us and this is never more noticeable than when we realize what a mess our lives have been and how much God has brought us out of. I can honestly say that in the almost twenty years that I have know the Lord I have made more messes and been so rebellious more times than I can count. I have willfully disobeyed the laws of God, acted as though the Lord had no right to any part of my life, decided to run my own life, and been guilty of multiple sins. Thank God, though, there is grace. I don't know why He keeps pursuing me and never gives up on me, but He does. Even when I have been farthest from Him He has run to meet me whenever I have ventured to return to Him. He has been so gracious, so forgiving, and so loving that I am in awe of Him, knowing I am in no way deserving of all the blessings He bestows on me. In so many ways and countless times in my life I have lived out the story of the prodigal son. I have taken the riches, gifts, and talents God has given me and squandered them on my own desires, on living for myself. Then, I have found myself in a deep pit, realized my horrible situation, and returned to the Lord crying out for His forgiveness and mercy. The absolutely amazing thing is that every time He has been more than willing to take me back and restore our relationship. The question is when will I stop making demands of Him and running off to run things myself only to return later more broken than when I left? My desire is to dwell in the house of the Lord forever and to remain content living His will for my life. The only way to do this is to daily live a life of repentance for the wrongs in my life and surrender to Jesus and His will for me. Then I can remain in all the blessings and prosperity that are yours when you are living in the presence of the King. These words are my prayer: "O the grace, how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be! Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wand'ring heart the Thee: Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love; Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above."
Here is the whole song:
Here is the whole song:
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Women In the Revolutionary War
Read the fresh annals of our land the gathering dust of time
Nor yet has fallen on the scroll to dim the tale sublime;
There woman's glory proudly shines, for willingly she gave
Her costliest offerings to uphold the generous and the brave
Who fought her country's battles well; and oft she perilled life
To save a father, brother, friend, In those dark years of strife.
Whatever strong-armed man hath wrought, whatever he hath won,
That goal hath woman also reached, that action hath she done."
Mary M. Chase
As we prepare to celebrate the birth of this nation there will be much talk of the great heroes involved in securing freedom for us as well as those who helped birth this nation. However, the talk will in large part be about men. I am not opposed to honoring the great men throughout our history that have been heroes and patriots but I do feel that the women should receive just as much recognition. I want to dedicate this post to the memory of all the female heroes of the Revolutionary War. Here are a few of them. NOTE: These excerpts were collected from various websites and were edited by myself, but they are not my writings or compilations.
DEBORAH SAMSON**
In October of 1778 Deborah Samson of Plympton, Massachusetts disguised herself as a young man and presented herself to the American army as a willing volunteer to oppose the common enemy. She enlisted for the whole term of the war as Robert Shirtliffe and served in the company of Captain Nathan Thayer of Medway, Massachusetts. For three years she served in various duties and was wounded twice - the first time by a sword cut on the side of the head and four months later she was shot through the shoulder. She was later awarded a pension for her service to her country.
Margaret Corbin : During the Revolutionary War many women would follow the men around, taking care of cooking and other needs. Margaret Corbin stayed by her husband when the British attacked Fort Washington in New York. She took over her husband's job as matross, the person who loaded the cannon, when the gunner was killed. In the heat of battle her husband was also killed. She was hit and left for dead. A passing doctor saved her life. Her wounds left her permanently disabled. For her bravery, "Captain Molly" became part of the Invalid Regiment. She was the first woman to receive a lifetime pension for the wounds she suffered in battle.
Nancy Hart: When British soldiers came to question her about helping out a Patriot soldier, she brazenly admitted to it. Forced to cook the British a meal, she killed two of them. No, not with her cooking, with their own muskets. Once, when information about British plans were needed, Nancy disguised herself as a crazy man. She went about the British camp gathering vital information for the Patriot cause. Nancy is honored in Georgia with a county named after her and her portrait is in the state capital.
Martha Bratton: Martha and her husband were entrusted with a precious commodity back then - gun powder. With her husband away, Martha was left in charge. Hearing that the British were planning to steal the gun powder, Martha set a trap, blowing up the building as the British soldiers arrived. She even admitted doing the dastardly deed when captured. She was let go, later questioned about her husband's whereabouts, and spared by a British officer from severe punishment. She repaid the debt, when the same officer was captured by Patriots and scheduled for hanging. Realizing the cruelty of war, Martha set up a hospital and nursed both British and American soldiers
Prudence Wright: With their men out looking for British soldiers, Prudence Wright gathered the women of Groton, Massachusetts. They would defend the bridge leading into town. Putting on their husbands clothes, they armed themselves with whatever they could get their hands on, some using pitchforks. They hid in the reeds until a British officer came by, given away by his horse's hooves on the bridge. The women removed the secret messages he was carrying, passing them on to the local Patriot Committee of Safety. Back home, the women laughed at the surprise of the British officer when he found out that he had been had by women.
Sybil Ludington rode through Connecticut on a chilly April night and yelled that the British were burning Danbury and warned soldiers to prepare for a raid. Thanks to her daring actions, the British were halted at Ridgefield, Connecticut on April 27, 1777 and were forced to retreat to Long Island Sound.
Of course any mention of women who aided in the War of American Independence would not be complete without a mention of Abigail Adams. It has been said that many of the ideas her husband espoused were taken directly from the letters she wrote him during the time this nation declared its independence from Britain. Here is a quote from her. "This intelligence will make a plain path for you, though a dangerous one. I could not join to-day in the petitions of our worthy pastor for a reconciliation between our no longer parent state, but tyrant and these Colonies. Let us separate: they are unworthy to be our brethren. Let us renounce them and instead of supplications, as formerly, for prosperity and happiness, let us beseech the almighty to blast their counsels, and to bring to nought all their devices."
There were many more women involved in every aspect of the war from fighting to nursing the sick to working from home to raise money and provide supplies for the troops. Without the aid of all these women, the War would not have been the success it was. So, as we remember the great men who helped found this nation, remember the women who also helped by inspiring these great men, fighting beside them, and working endlessly to ensure the independence of this new nation.
Nor yet has fallen on the scroll to dim the tale sublime;
There woman's glory proudly shines, for willingly she gave
Her costliest offerings to uphold the generous and the brave
Who fought her country's battles well; and oft she perilled life
To save a father, brother, friend, In those dark years of strife.
Whatever strong-armed man hath wrought, whatever he hath won,
That goal hath woman also reached, that action hath she done."
Mary M. Chase
As we prepare to celebrate the birth of this nation there will be much talk of the great heroes involved in securing freedom for us as well as those who helped birth this nation. However, the talk will in large part be about men. I am not opposed to honoring the great men throughout our history that have been heroes and patriots but I do feel that the women should receive just as much recognition. I want to dedicate this post to the memory of all the female heroes of the Revolutionary War. Here are a few of them. NOTE: These excerpts were collected from various websites and were edited by myself, but they are not my writings or compilations.
DEBORAH SAMSON**
In October of 1778 Deborah Samson of Plympton, Massachusetts disguised herself as a young man and presented herself to the American army as a willing volunteer to oppose the common enemy. She enlisted for the whole term of the war as Robert Shirtliffe and served in the company of Captain Nathan Thayer of Medway, Massachusetts. For three years she served in various duties and was wounded twice - the first time by a sword cut on the side of the head and four months later she was shot through the shoulder. She was later awarded a pension for her service to her country.
Margaret Corbin : During the Revolutionary War many women would follow the men around, taking care of cooking and other needs. Margaret Corbin stayed by her husband when the British attacked Fort Washington in New York. She took over her husband's job as matross, the person who loaded the cannon, when the gunner was killed. In the heat of battle her husband was also killed. She was hit and left for dead. A passing doctor saved her life. Her wounds left her permanently disabled. For her bravery, "Captain Molly" became part of the Invalid Regiment. She was the first woman to receive a lifetime pension for the wounds she suffered in battle.
Nancy Hart: When British soldiers came to question her about helping out a Patriot soldier, she brazenly admitted to it. Forced to cook the British a meal, she killed two of them. No, not with her cooking, with their own muskets. Once, when information about British plans were needed, Nancy disguised herself as a crazy man. She went about the British camp gathering vital information for the Patriot cause. Nancy is honored in Georgia with a county named after her and her portrait is in the state capital.
Martha Bratton: Martha and her husband were entrusted with a precious commodity back then - gun powder. With her husband away, Martha was left in charge. Hearing that the British were planning to steal the gun powder, Martha set a trap, blowing up the building as the British soldiers arrived. She even admitted doing the dastardly deed when captured. She was let go, later questioned about her husband's whereabouts, and spared by a British officer from severe punishment. She repaid the debt, when the same officer was captured by Patriots and scheduled for hanging. Realizing the cruelty of war, Martha set up a hospital and nursed both British and American soldiers
Prudence Wright: With their men out looking for British soldiers, Prudence Wright gathered the women of Groton, Massachusetts. They would defend the bridge leading into town. Putting on their husbands clothes, they armed themselves with whatever they could get their hands on, some using pitchforks. They hid in the reeds until a British officer came by, given away by his horse's hooves on the bridge. The women removed the secret messages he was carrying, passing them on to the local Patriot Committee of Safety. Back home, the women laughed at the surprise of the British officer when he found out that he had been had by women.
Sybil Ludington rode through Connecticut on a chilly April night and yelled that the British were burning Danbury and warned soldiers to prepare for a raid. Thanks to her daring actions, the British were halted at Ridgefield, Connecticut on April 27, 1777 and were forced to retreat to Long Island Sound.
Of course any mention of women who aided in the War of American Independence would not be complete without a mention of Abigail Adams. It has been said that many of the ideas her husband espoused were taken directly from the letters she wrote him during the time this nation declared its independence from Britain. Here is a quote from her. "This intelligence will make a plain path for you, though a dangerous one. I could not join to-day in the petitions of our worthy pastor for a reconciliation between our no longer parent state, but tyrant and these Colonies. Let us separate: they are unworthy to be our brethren. Let us renounce them and instead of supplications, as formerly, for prosperity and happiness, let us beseech the almighty to blast their counsels, and to bring to nought all their devices."
There were many more women involved in every aspect of the war from fighting to nursing the sick to working from home to raise money and provide supplies for the troops. Without the aid of all these women, the War would not have been the success it was. So, as we remember the great men who helped found this nation, remember the women who also helped by inspiring these great men, fighting beside them, and working endlessly to ensure the independence of this new nation.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Sweet Peace
"What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear.
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.
Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear.
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer."
Those are the words to one of my favorite songs. Perhaps I like them so much because they have been so true throughout my life. There has been no better friend than Jesus and truly I have found a solace in Him countless times. He is the reason I am still standing on my own two feet today, still in my right mind (yes, I believe I am even if you don't), able to be successful and strive to be more successful. It is always amazing to me how much of a comfort Jesus is and what He can do when I go to Him in prayer. My life right now is hard, for numerous reasons, but somehow I am at total peace and I have real joy. The only reason for this is Jesus and His precious Holy Spirit. When I fall on my face in prayer and ask Him to help me do what I have not the strength to do, He always comes through for me. I was reminded of a Scripture last night that says, "I can do all things through Christ Who is my strength." When I go to God in prayer and cry out to Him for help there is nothing I cannot do with His help. I can face the most difficult situation, I can win the the most dreadful struggle, I can deal with the most awful hurt and pain, I can always do what's right when He is my strength. I can't do it on my own, but I can lean back into the arms of Jesus and rest in Him knowing there is no greater friend than He and He will take care of me. It is truly wonderful to have the peace that passes all understanding guarding your heart and your mind, giving you the strength to do what God has asked of you and renewing your faith, hope, and joy while you are doing it.
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.
Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear.
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer."
Those are the words to one of my favorite songs. Perhaps I like them so much because they have been so true throughout my life. There has been no better friend than Jesus and truly I have found a solace in Him countless times. He is the reason I am still standing on my own two feet today, still in my right mind (yes, I believe I am even if you don't), able to be successful and strive to be more successful. It is always amazing to me how much of a comfort Jesus is and what He can do when I go to Him in prayer. My life right now is hard, for numerous reasons, but somehow I am at total peace and I have real joy. The only reason for this is Jesus and His precious Holy Spirit. When I fall on my face in prayer and ask Him to help me do what I have not the strength to do, He always comes through for me. I was reminded of a Scripture last night that says, "I can do all things through Christ Who is my strength." When I go to God in prayer and cry out to Him for help there is nothing I cannot do with His help. I can face the most difficult situation, I can win the the most dreadful struggle, I can deal with the most awful hurt and pain, I can always do what's right when He is my strength. I can't do it on my own, but I can lean back into the arms of Jesus and rest in Him knowing there is no greater friend than He and He will take care of me. It is truly wonderful to have the peace that passes all understanding guarding your heart and your mind, giving you the strength to do what God has asked of you and renewing your faith, hope, and joy while you are doing it.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
My Day
Ok, my day was rather interesting and a much needed break from the norm. First, today was the National Day of Prayer so I spent the better part of today praying. It was definitely a good thing. I so much needed it. The past week has been a hard one for me and although there have been a lot of good points and many enjoyable moments there has been a deep struggle to deal with some things. I won't lie, there have been moments when all I wanted to do was sit somewhere and cry, but that never solves anything. So, you just keep going and trusting that the Lord will help you and things will get better. Today, things got better. My sense of hope that things will turn out for the best was renewed and I am actually excited again about various aspects of my life that I was starting to become very depressed about. Prayer is so amazing in it's abilities. I found this quote today and it summed up what prayer can do.
"Prayer changes hearts. Prayer changes lives. And prayer makes us a more compassionate and giving people. When we pray we surrender our will to the Almighty, and open ourselves up to His priorities and His touch." -- President George W. Bush
There is nothing like being able to pray and hear from God, get in His presence, and tell Him everything that is in your heart and on your mind. Prayer really does work. Even when I don't always know what to say or how to say what I'm thinking or feeling, or how to pray the way I should, I still pray, knowing God knows all and sees all and He will know how to answer me. I love this Scripture: So too the Holy Spirit comes to our aid and bears us up in our weakness; for we do not know what prayer to offer nor how to offer it worthily as we ought, but the Spirit Himself goes to meet our supplication and pleads in our behalf with unspeakable yearnings and groanings too deep for utterance. Romans 8:26 So, my day started well. Then, I went to work with my kids in the afternoon and it was so funny. We started talking about taking vacations and I mentioned that I wanted to go to Fiji or some tropical island. My youngest student promptly replied that he would never want to do that. Why? Because there are cockroaches 5 to 7 inches long that bite you that live there. I asked him where he got that from and he said his brother read it in a book. Go figure!!!! This kid was convinced that the minute he stepped off the plane he would be devoured by giant cockroaches. Come to find out, his brother was reading about Venezuela and the tropical rain forest! I laughed about that one for a while. Then I spent some time this evening praying with the younger girls in my church and that was pretty interesting. I heard their prayers and opinions about everything from school to music lessons to their future husbands (and mine as well). It was actually a lot of fun. You know, I needed this today. Time to get away from everything going on in my life and just be with those who care about me and who I care most about. Time to reflect on what is really important in life and invest in the lives of those who are so much a part of my life. When I step back and look at the full picture of what is my life I can truly say that I am so blessed. Jesus has been so good, given me so much, and been the best thing that ever happened to me. I am looking forward with anticipation to what He has in store for me, knowing He does only good to those that are His.
"Prayer changes hearts. Prayer changes lives. And prayer makes us a more compassionate and giving people. When we pray we surrender our will to the Almighty, and open ourselves up to His priorities and His touch." -- President George W. Bush
There is nothing like being able to pray and hear from God, get in His presence, and tell Him everything that is in your heart and on your mind. Prayer really does work. Even when I don't always know what to say or how to say what I'm thinking or feeling, or how to pray the way I should, I still pray, knowing God knows all and sees all and He will know how to answer me. I love this Scripture: So too the Holy Spirit comes to our aid and bears us up in our weakness; for we do not know what prayer to offer nor how to offer it worthily as we ought, but the Spirit Himself goes to meet our supplication and pleads in our behalf with unspeakable yearnings and groanings too deep for utterance. Romans 8:26 So, my day started well. Then, I went to work with my kids in the afternoon and it was so funny. We started talking about taking vacations and I mentioned that I wanted to go to Fiji or some tropical island. My youngest student promptly replied that he would never want to do that. Why? Because there are cockroaches 5 to 7 inches long that bite you that live there. I asked him where he got that from and he said his brother read it in a book. Go figure!!!! This kid was convinced that the minute he stepped off the plane he would be devoured by giant cockroaches. Come to find out, his brother was reading about Venezuela and the tropical rain forest! I laughed about that one for a while. Then I spent some time this evening praying with the younger girls in my church and that was pretty interesting. I heard their prayers and opinions about everything from school to music lessons to their future husbands (and mine as well). It was actually a lot of fun. You know, I needed this today. Time to get away from everything going on in my life and just be with those who care about me and who I care most about. Time to reflect on what is really important in life and invest in the lives of those who are so much a part of my life. When I step back and look at the full picture of what is my life I can truly say that I am so blessed. Jesus has been so good, given me so much, and been the best thing that ever happened to me. I am looking forward with anticipation to what He has in store for me, knowing He does only good to those that are His.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Choices
Well, I'm going to attempt to write today. I feel like my mind is one big jumbled mess. There are so many thoughts and I can't seem to make sense out of them. The past few days have been a little hard for me and yesterday I thought I was being tortured. All I wanted to do was stay home in bed. When you cry yourself to sleep and then you only get about 6 hours you don't wake up feeling well. Then you find that you actually have to go to work and face people when all you want to do is be by yourself and that is not a cheering thought either. It took a lot of self-control, keeping to myself mostly, a 20 minute walk, and praying a lot to get me through my morning shift. I felt bad for my co-worker, he probably thought I was the wicked witch of the west. Sorry. The day did seem to get better as it went on. I had my usual rehearsal and then I spent the evening with my nephew. He was having a hard time too so I decided another walk would do us both some good. It was so gorgeous outside and we walked for probably 30 minutes until the sun went down and we had to go inside. Then I gave him a bath and we settled down on the couch in my room to watch a movie together. It was so nice to just sit and snuggle with him. We both fell asleep and we stayed there for a little while until I got up and put him in his room. Then I went to bed at the early hour of 9:00 p.m. So I had about 9 hours of sleep last night. That was good. I still felt a little tired this morning when I got up, but I'll get over that. For some reason dealing with emotional things is ten times as hard as physical work. Anyway, there is still a day and a half left of this weekend and I am going to make it last as long as I can. Monday and all of next week will have its own problems to deal with; I think I will just focus on getting through this weekend and ending up better by the end of it. It's funny how some choices in life are so hard to make but you know they are the right ones. When you make them you feel like you are going to break under the pressure or die because they feel so hard, but the hope that comes from knowing you did the right thing is very comforting. I would rather suffer a little now in doing what's right and have hope that things will turn out for the best than to stick with something I know is wrong merely to feel good for the moment. I had to make one of those hard decisions the other night. It was really hard and I definitely did not want to do it, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I can't say I'm glad I did it, not yet, but I know I will be, eventually. Why? Because it will help me keep my relationship with the Lord at the top of my priorities. Jesus is so precious to me and means more to me than anyone every could and pleasing Him is more important to me than having what I want. There's a song that I grew up hearing in church. My mom used to sing it. It means a lot to me and has become sort of a motto for my life. It became especially real to me when I was getting my degree in music. For fours years I struggled almost every day to do what was right and what was pleasing to the Lord. There were so many opportunities that were presented, so many people that had so many good ideas about how I should live my life, but all of them wanted me to give up Jesus. As I went through school and saw those who went on to have big music careers and have lives that are what everyone in the entertainment industry dreams of, I realized that I had something they didn't and it was more important, more precious, than anything they would ever accomplish - it was Jesus. I performed this song at my senior recital and I want to post the words here because I have found that they are just as true today as they were then and I hope that never changes.
I'd rather have Jesus than silver or gold.
I'd rather have Jesus than have riches untold.
I'd rather have Jesus than houses or lands.
I'd rather be lead by His nail-pierced hand.
Than to be the king of a vast domain,
or be held in sin's dread sway.
I'd rather have Jesus than anything
this world affords today.
I'd rather have Jesus than man's applause.
I'd rather be faithful to His dear cause.
I'd rather have Jesus than world-wide fame.
I'd rather be true to His holy name.
Than to be the king of a vast domain,
or be held in sin's dread sway.
I'd rather have Jesus than anything
this world affords today.
For He's fairer than the lily of rarest bloom.
He's sweeter than honey from the honeycomb.
He's all that my hungering spirit needs.
I'd rather have Jesus and let Him lead.
Than to be the king of a vast domain,
or be held in sin's dread sway.
I'd rather have Jesus than anything
this world affords today.
These are some of my own thoughts.
So many dreams,
So many desires,
So many hopes,
So many needs.
So many fears,
So many faults,
So many obstacles
to overcome.
Only one true Hope,
Only one true Love,
Only one true Purpose
for living.
Only one true Friend,
Only one true Saviour,
Only one true Provider
Who supplies all my needs.
I guess I was able to write after all. I'm glad I did.
I'd rather have Jesus than silver or gold.
I'd rather have Jesus than have riches untold.
I'd rather have Jesus than houses or lands.
I'd rather be lead by His nail-pierced hand.
Than to be the king of a vast domain,
or be held in sin's dread sway.
I'd rather have Jesus than anything
this world affords today.
I'd rather have Jesus than man's applause.
I'd rather be faithful to His dear cause.
I'd rather have Jesus than world-wide fame.
I'd rather be true to His holy name.
Than to be the king of a vast domain,
or be held in sin's dread sway.
I'd rather have Jesus than anything
this world affords today.
For He's fairer than the lily of rarest bloom.
He's sweeter than honey from the honeycomb.
He's all that my hungering spirit needs.
I'd rather have Jesus and let Him lead.
Than to be the king of a vast domain,
or be held in sin's dread sway.
I'd rather have Jesus than anything
this world affords today.
These are some of my own thoughts.
So many dreams,
So many desires,
So many hopes,
So many needs.
So many fears,
So many faults,
So many obstacles
to overcome.
Only one true Hope,
Only one true Love,
Only one true Purpose
for living.
Only one true Friend,
Only one true Saviour,
Only one true Provider
Who supplies all my needs.
I guess I was able to write after all. I'm glad I did.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Thoughts
There are a million and one things going on in my mind right now. It's a wonder I even slept last night. My mind has been racing for the last few days. I feel like there are so many things to think about and my brain is trying to organize them all. Last night I was on the phone to a friend for almost an hour and a half trying to sort some things out. Maybe that's why I slept so well. Usually when my mind is racing I can't sleep, but last night I fell into a really deep sleep. I didn't know what day it was when I woke up. I'm glad I did though because when I rolled out of bed the brain switch went on and the cycle started all over again. Sometimes I wish I could put my mind on pause for at least a few hours so I could get some relief, but then, I wouldn't like the mindless decisions I made so I would probably be terribly unhappy when I returned to my mindful state. Anyway, it seems I am at a million and one crossroads right now and determining which road to take or wondering how the road I have chosen will turn out can become wearisome. I know there are certain decisions that I have made, life decisions, that are absolutely right and I want to follow them through. But there are other decisions that I have made that I'm not so sure of and I am finding myself wondering how they will affect my life in the long run. Most of the people I know would say not to worry about it, just live life and let things run their course, but what if there is no mapped out course and we are responsible for making that course. Then what? I strongly believe that we determine the outcome of our lives. There are outside influences, true, and circumstances beyond our control, but we make decisions. We choose what we will do in each circumstance. We decide which fork of the road we will follow. Sometimes we know the way and other times it is a guess, hopefully an educated one, but a guess none the less. In thinking about all this, the only thing that gives me a sense of true comfort is knowing that because I know the Lord and we have a personal relationship I can ask Him for guidance and help in making my decisions, as well as helping me to be true to the decisions I have made. I know I haven't lived very long and I certainly wouldn't call myself wise, but I do know that the Bible promises that the Lord will guide us in this life. In fact, it even says that the uncontrollable things that happen in our lives are not out of His control and many times He is the One that is leading us to do certain things and causes certain things to happen. "A man plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps." I know that every time I have had to make a decision or had to face planning what to do, if I will pray and ask the Lord to show me what to do He always does. Sometimes the instructions don't make sense to me, but if I follow them, things work out better than if I had tried to follow my own plans. It's great to know that I am getting help and guidance from the one Person who knows what has happened, what is happening, and what will happen. So, although there seems to be no end to the questions and wonderings of my mind, there are answers and help as I seek to live this life to the best of my ability. I'm so glad Jesus is real and I have a relationship with Him and His Holy Spirit is my constant companion.
*About Me* My hair. If you hadn't noticed from my pictures, my hair is pretty long. I have had a lot of people ask my why it is and I always answer because I like it that way, but actually there is a story to it. My mom came from the hippie era. Consequently, most of us kids had long hair when we were younger. When I asked my mom why my hair had to be long she always told me it was because my dad liked long hair on his daughters (I later found out this is not true!). So, because I loved my dad so much, I never asked my mom to cut my hair. Sadly, though, I never took care of it either. The only times I ever did anything with my hair, including brushing it, was on Saturday nights when getting ready for church the next morning. Now I was only a kid, maybe 9 or 10, so this wasn't really that big of a deal, I thought, but my mom had other ideas. When I was in 5th grade, just after my parents split up, my mom told me she was going to "trim" my hair (I had hair that went all the way down my back). So, I sat for her while she cut. When she was done, my hair was up to my chin. Everything was gone! I was devastated. I asked my mom why she did it and her reply was that I never took care of it and she thought it would be easier for me if it was short. She told me that if I wanted long hair I needed to take care of it. I vowed from that day on to a)never let my mom "trim" my hair again, b)learn how to take care of it so she wouldn't be tempted to do so, and c)grow my hair out. So, I never really cut my hair after that. There was one sad event when I allowed a friend to experiment with cutting my hair and that shortened it, but by the time I graduated high school my hair was past my waste and I liked that way. I have tried the short hair thing since being in college and I don't like it. I feel like I am missing something, and it also adds 10 pounds to my face, lol. So, my hair is long as an expression of me and what I like and really has nothing to do with anything or anyone else, and actually, now it is my signature among family and friends.
*About Me* My hair. If you hadn't noticed from my pictures, my hair is pretty long. I have had a lot of people ask my why it is and I always answer because I like it that way, but actually there is a story to it. My mom came from the hippie era. Consequently, most of us kids had long hair when we were younger. When I asked my mom why my hair had to be long she always told me it was because my dad liked long hair on his daughters (I later found out this is not true!). So, because I loved my dad so much, I never asked my mom to cut my hair. Sadly, though, I never took care of it either. The only times I ever did anything with my hair, including brushing it, was on Saturday nights when getting ready for church the next morning. Now I was only a kid, maybe 9 or 10, so this wasn't really that big of a deal, I thought, but my mom had other ideas. When I was in 5th grade, just after my parents split up, my mom told me she was going to "trim" my hair (I had hair that went all the way down my back). So, I sat for her while she cut. When she was done, my hair was up to my chin. Everything was gone! I was devastated. I asked my mom why she did it and her reply was that I never took care of it and she thought it would be easier for me if it was short. She told me that if I wanted long hair I needed to take care of it. I vowed from that day on to a)never let my mom "trim" my hair again, b)learn how to take care of it so she wouldn't be tempted to do so, and c)grow my hair out. So, I never really cut my hair after that. There was one sad event when I allowed a friend to experiment with cutting my hair and that shortened it, but by the time I graduated high school my hair was past my waste and I liked that way. I have tried the short hair thing since being in college and I don't like it. I feel like I am missing something, and it also adds 10 pounds to my face, lol. So, my hair is long as an expression of me and what I like and really has nothing to do with anything or anyone else, and actually, now it is my signature among family and friends.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Thankful
I am so thankful today for so many things. The events yesterday with my brother were enough to cause me to pause and reevaluate the things that are important in my life. It also helped me realize the many things in my life for which I am thankful. There are so many I don't think I could name them all here but for starters I'm thankful for my family. Sure, they drive me nuts quite a bit but they also help me make some of the best memories anyone could have. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost one of my siblings. Yesterday was scary enough with the realization that things could have gone very differently. As I walked out of the hospital last night I couldn't help but wonder what if he hadn't made it and I was now one family member short. Things would be so strange and I would miss him terribly. I'm thankful he made it out of the accident alive and that it appears he will recover pretty well. I'm thankful for my mom. She has such strength and she is willing to do what is necessary in the really hard situations to take care of her kids. She's been with my brother now for almost two days at the hospital and she spends the night in the waiting room so she can get up throughout the night and check on him. I'm thankful for my church because they never stop taking care of each other. All my life I have seen them live the Scripture: When one member is hurting we all hurt with them and when one member is rejoicing we all rejoice with them. We take care of each other and make sacrifices for each other so that each person can be blessed and helped when they need it. Last thing I'll write here, I am so thankful that God lets me get up each morning and enjoy life to its fullest. Truly, it is a privilege to be on the earth and allowed to experience all the things that God has for me here.
I love this song because the words are so true and they mean so much to me.
*About Me* One thing everyone who knows me really well knows is that I absolutely love Tucson sunsets. There are no other sunsets like them in the world. I have looked in every place I've been outside Tucson and not one has compared to the beauty that is Tucson at sunset. It's amazing. So, I thought I post a few pictures of one.
I love this song because the words are so true and they mean so much to me.
*About Me* One thing everyone who knows me really well knows is that I absolutely love Tucson sunsets. There are no other sunsets like them in the world. I have looked in every place I've been outside Tucson and not one has compared to the beauty that is Tucson at sunset. It's amazing. So, I thought I post a few pictures of one.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
A Thought
This post won't be long. I just wanted to say that today I was reminded of just how amazing God is and how He will always come through for us when we obey Him. Growing up I heard all the stories about Moses and the Red Sea, Joshua and the battle of Jericho, Daniel in the lion's den, Jonah and the whale, etc. I always thought, wow that's so amazing; I wish I could see something like that today. The thing is, I can. The Bible says that God is the same yesterday, today and forever. What He did in the Bible He is just as capable of doing today. The amazing fulfillments of promises and provisions made by Him can still happen. What's even more amazing is that they can happen in my life. God can still do great things and He can do them for me. I have experienced God doing some amazing things for me, but sometimes you can forget everything that God has done and then you start to lose sight of Him and what is really important in life. You can become so focused on what you want or what you don't have and forget what a mighty God He is. So, today I was reminded that He is still: "A friend to the friendless, a father to the fatherless, a mother to the motherless, the Rose of Sharon, the Bright and Morning Star, my lawyer in the judgment, the Great Physician, the One Who will help me cross Jordan." "He's more wonderful than my mind can conceive, He's more wonderful than my heart can believe. He goes beyond my highest hopes and fondest dreams. He's everything that my soul ever longed for, everything He promised and so much more. More than amazing, more than marvelous, more than miraculous could ever be. He's more than wonderful. That's what Jesus is to me"
Monday, February 19, 2007
Something Short
This post won't be long and maybe I'll post something else later. I have a question, not that I'm expecting anyone to actually answer it; it's just occupying my thoughts right now. Why do we have to hurt? Why do we have to experience things in life that make us hurt? You know that dull ache that you can feel in your heart and the pit of your stomach all at the same time? The one that makes everything in life seem so totally pointless, at least for the moment? The one that causes days to melt into each other and before you know it so much time has gone by yet still the hurt stays? Why is that? What causes that? Of course I could answer that usually we cause it in some way or another, or those around us that do things wrong, or mistreat us or hurt themselves thus hurting us; I could go on forever. Still, I am wondering why. I suppose to not hurt would not be human and that if I didn't hurt then I wouldn't know what it was like to be happy and not hurt. Oh well. There are too many philosophical questions in this post and I think I will stop before it becomes overwhelming. At least there is the hope that tomorrow will be better and the assurance that there are the arms of an Everlasting Father to fall back into and just be held.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Nothing Too Important
I know it's been several days since I posted. I am sorry. I did want to post, but technical difficulties kept me from it. So, now I need to do a bit of catching up. My weekend was actually really nice. I was able to relax a bit and be with my family just enjoying each other's company. I saw a really strange old movie (still haven't figured out what the point was), spent some time working on homework (oddly enough I enjoyed it), and finally got some sleep. Sunday was a really good day too. Church was just, I don't know, great. Kinda like when a thirsty person gets a drink and it is a drink that they really enjoy. It was so refreshing. Then, Sunday night I was with the college group from church and we had a really good time together. There is nothing like being with your friends and being able to just hang out. It is a Bible Study of sorts, but thats great because we do all the sharing, so you can hear what each person is experiencing with God for themselves and then we compare notes on Scriptures and things that the Lord is talking to us about from the Bible. Of course there is also the laughing and joking that goes on with the occassional jab (or sometimes not too occassional jab) at each other, but that just makes us friends who like being around each other. Monday at work was a little hectic, but oh well. Nothing too terrible. Besides, you can't have everything in life in slow motion. Today, well it's just started and I think it will be a great day. I will have the opportunity to be with my nephew this afternoon (yaaa!) and I also have to finish some shopping tonight, which is great because I haven't been to a store to shop in forever (yes, I am a female, just haven't gotten around to shopping recently). So, that about sums up my life for the last three days. Hope you all had a great weekend and are ready for the rest of the week. Good luck!
*About Me* The single most important point in my life came on July 14, 1989. That was the day I met Jesus and asked Him to forgive me of my sins and be the Lord and Saviour of my life. It was not an emotional experience, I did not have some strange feeling or experience anything out of the ordinary, but my life changed forever. I entered into a realtionship with God and His Son Jesus and I was filled with His Spirit a short time later. That moment when I surrendered to Him began something in me that is still at work today. I have not lived a perfect Christian life, I have turned my back on God several times, I have questioned the Lord more times than I care to admit; but through it all He has been so faithful, so loving and gentle with me, and has never failed to come searching for me to bring me back to Him. He has never failed me, never rejected me, and always been there waiting for me to look to Him as the source of my life, and I love Him for it.
*About Me* The single most important point in my life came on July 14, 1989. That was the day I met Jesus and asked Him to forgive me of my sins and be the Lord and Saviour of my life. It was not an emotional experience, I did not have some strange feeling or experience anything out of the ordinary, but my life changed forever. I entered into a realtionship with God and His Son Jesus and I was filled with His Spirit a short time later. That moment when I surrendered to Him began something in me that is still at work today. I have not lived a perfect Christian life, I have turned my back on God several times, I have questioned the Lord more times than I care to admit; but through it all He has been so faithful, so loving and gentle with me, and has never failed to come searching for me to bring me back to Him. He has never failed me, never rejected me, and always been there waiting for me to look to Him as the source of my life, and I love Him for it.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
What We Can't Have
Why is it we as humans always seem to want what we can't have? Why do we desire the things that are not good for us? Why do we become attached to what we shouldn't? Of course I have answers for all these questions, but that doesn't change the every day living of them. I just sometimes wish I could get outside myself, shake myself out of my stupor, and then do what I know is good for me. I know I can do it, I know I probably will do it, but why does there have to be such a struggle over it? Why can't I see trouble coming a mile away and stay away from it? Even when I do see it I manage to talk myself out of being cautious and the next thing you know I'm involved in something I wish I had never come across. Why can't I stop doing this? I suppose it will be a lifelong struggle, as it is for everyone. I guess that's why the Apostle Paul said he had to die daily to himself. Even he struggled with this, asking why it was that the good he willed to do he did not do and the evil he did not wish to do he ended up doing. However, there is hope, if I will only accept it (in every area, not just the ones I choose). Paul said, "Oh, wretched man that I am, who deliver me from this body of death? But thanks be to God Who giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!" If there has been anything I have learned in life it is that there is victory in Jesus. No matter what the situation, what the problem, He can make us victorious if we let Him. So, I guess then, the thing to do is to let Him. Lord, help me let you be victorious in my life!
*About me* I remember starting school when I was 4 and I actually liked it (that would change later). For those who know how curious I am, this was all started in preschool/kindergarten when I was introduced to learning, and it hasn't stopped. I love finding out new things, examining all things, and being taught. There is nothing quite like having a revelation of what someone is talking about and knowing that you have grasped some new knowledge that will be with you for the rest of your life and when that knowledge can be used to gain more knowledge that is even more exciting.
*About me* I remember starting school when I was 4 and I actually liked it (that would change later). For those who know how curious I am, this was all started in preschool/kindergarten when I was introduced to learning, and it hasn't stopped. I love finding out new things, examining all things, and being taught. There is nothing quite like having a revelation of what someone is talking about and knowing that you have grasped some new knowledge that will be with you for the rest of your life and when that knowledge can be used to gain more knowledge that is even more exciting.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Doing Right
Why is it so hard to do what's right? There are so many answers to that question and many of them are true, but an answer doesn't always help in the doing of it. I was reading a biography this week of a man who was born-again (John 3:1 - 21, for those who don't know what I'm talking about). After he was saved he came to the realization that everything about him (body, soul, mind, heart) now belonged to the Lord. The cross had severed him from the world and now every thought and action would be governed by Jesus and done for His glory alone. It is one thing to hear this and mentally know this and another thing completely to experience it. If you really experience it then when situations arise you can do the right thing. It may be uncomfortable, at times painful, or even costly to yourself but you can still do what's right. How confronting it was to read this, knowing there are so many things in my life that have not been wholly given over to the Lord. My mind is still very much wilfull in its thoughts and my heart refuses to obey even the simplest of commands (Jeremiah says the heart is deceitful above all else - Jer. 17:9). I could go on and on, sadly, and all because I haven't really allowed the cross to do its complete work in my life. That's why I can't do what's right in certain situations. That's why I fail so many times in my attempts to do the right thing. There are some days and some instances when I allow the cross to work in my life and I can truly say that those are the most wonderful times in my life. There is definitely pain and loss as a part of me dies, but the new life and freedom that is birthed is so much better than anything I had before I allowed the cross to do its work. Now, if only I would let that be a complete work and not hold back parts of my life from the work of the cross. Lord, as I walk this road, help me give every part of me to the cross that every part of me might live in "newness of life", free from the bonds of sin which so easily beset me.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Guys
Of all the things I have read, heard and seen there is only one sentence that I have found that sums up guys: What the ----?!! You know, the Bible only records Adam's response upon seeing Eve; it never mentions Eve's response to Adam. I find this very curious and I am guessing that there simply weren't words for Eve to express the shock, bewilderment, and absolute loss for what to do with this creature called man. Of course there was the innate desire to help the poor creature, but do you love, put up with, despise, dislike, or simply ignore this fellow creature that demands so much thought and energy to be around? Now, when Adam and Eve were created things were perfect and there was no sin to mess things up, so perhaps Eve felt no perplexity at having to deal with Adam; but my how things have changed! Guys, is there some secret formula that we women should know about so we can function properly around you? If so, please enlighten us. Don't worry, we can take it, whatever it is. We are not so dim witted that we can't figure it out and put it to use. Ah, but I doubt any such formula exists and I am left to stumbling around in my interactions with the guys I know. Will I say the wrong thing, will I give the wrong impression, am I a bother to them, do they think I'm likable, how can I prove I'm just as good as they are? These are questions that most women ask in some form or another with most guys they meet. Sad, I know, but those are the facts. So, I guess the only thing to do is continue trying to do what's best, see what works and what doesn't and hope you don't make a colossal error a you will never recover from.
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