Thoughts

There are a million and one things going on in my mind right now. It's a wonder I even slept last night. My mind has been racing for the last few days. I feel like there are so many things to think about and my brain is trying to organize them all. Last night I was on the phone to a friend for almost an hour and a half trying to sort some things out. Maybe that's why I slept so well. Usually when my mind is racing I can't sleep, but last night I fell into a really deep sleep. I didn't know what day it was when I woke up. I'm glad I did though because when I rolled out of bed the brain switch went on and the cycle started all over again. Sometimes I wish I could put my mind on pause for at least a few hours so I could get some relief, but then, I wouldn't like the mindless decisions I made so I would probably be terribly unhappy when I returned to my mindful state. Anyway, it seems I am at a million and one crossroads right now and determining which road to take or wondering how the road I have chosen will turn out can become wearisome. I know there are certain decisions that I have made, life decisions, that are absolutely right and I want to follow them through. But there are other decisions that I have made that I'm not so sure of and I am finding myself wondering how they will affect my life in the long run. Most of the people I know would say not to worry about it, just live life and let things run their course, but what if there is no mapped out course and we are responsible for making that course. Then what? I strongly believe that we determine the outcome of our lives. There are outside influences, true, and circumstances beyond our control, but we make decisions. We choose what we will do in each circumstance. We decide which fork of the road we will follow. Sometimes we know the way and other times it is a guess, hopefully an educated one, but a guess none the less. In thinking about all this, the only thing that gives me a sense of true comfort is knowing that because I know the Lord and we have a personal relationship I can ask Him for guidance and help in making my decisions, as well as helping me to be true to the decisions I have made. I know I haven't lived very long and I certainly wouldn't call myself wise, but I do know that the Bible promises that the Lord will guide us in this life. In fact, it even says that the uncontrollable things that happen in our lives are not out of His control and many times He is the One that is leading us to do certain things and causes certain things to happen. "A man plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps." I know that every time I have had to make a decision or had to face planning what to do, if I will pray and ask the Lord to show me what to do He always does. Sometimes the instructions don't make sense to me, but if I follow them, things work out better than if I had tried to follow my own plans. It's great to know that I am getting help and guidance from the one Person who knows what has happened, what is happening, and what will happen. So, although there seems to be no end to the questions and wonderings of my mind, there are answers and help as I seek to live this life to the best of my ability. I'm so glad Jesus is real and I have a relationship with Him and His Holy Spirit is my constant companion.

*About Me* My hair. If you hadn't noticed from my pictures, my hair is pretty long. I have had a lot of people ask my why it is and I always answer because I like it that way, but actually there is a story to it. My mom came from the hippie era. Consequently, most of us kids had long hair when we were younger. When I asked my mom why my hair had to be long she always told me it was because my dad liked long hair on his daughters (I later found out this is not true!). So, because I loved my dad so much, I never asked my mom to cut my hair. Sadly, though, I never took care of it either. The only times I ever did anything with my hair, including brushing it, was on Saturday nights when getting ready for church the next morning. Now I was only a kid, maybe 9 or 10, so this wasn't really that big of a deal, I thought, but my mom had other ideas. When I was in 5th grade, just after my parents split up, my mom told me she was going to "trim" my hair (I had hair that went all the way down my back). So, I sat for her while she cut. When she was done, my hair was up to my chin. Everything was gone! I was devastated. I asked my mom why she did it and her reply was that I never took care of it and she thought it would be easier for me if it was short. She told me that if I wanted long hair I needed to take care of it. I vowed from that day on to a)never let my mom "trim" my hair again, b)learn how to take care of it so she wouldn't be tempted to do so, and c)grow my hair out. So, I never really cut my hair after that. There was one sad event when I allowed a friend to experiment with cutting my hair and that shortened it, but by the time I graduated high school my hair was past my waste and I liked that way. I have tried the short hair thing since being in college and I don't like it. I feel like I am missing something, and it also adds 10 pounds to my face, lol. So, my hair is long as an expression of me and what I like and really has nothing to do with anything or anyone else, and actually, now it is my signature among family and friends.