The Decision

I stood outside his building wondering what to do. He was inside and with him were all my dreams, my hopes, my heart. Outside was a future without him and a dedication to something I knew was far greater than the desire that held me rooted to the sidewalk. I wanted to rush in and find him, to tell him how much I loved him, to tell him I would do anything to be with him, but I could not. My entrance into that building would be a forsaking of the single most precious thing in my life - my Jesus. He was leading me away from that building, away from my attraction. He had placed the cross in front of me and now I had to choose what I would do. Would I pick up that cross and follow Him, to the ends of the earth if necessary, or would I lay it down and follow my own desires? My mind was numb from the struggle that had been raging inside me and my heart could feel no more from sheer exhaustion. I stood looking into the windows of the building wondering where the one I sought was. He seemed like the answer to so many of the questions of my life, the filling of the void I had. But, then, my thoughts turned to my Saviour. He had done so many wonderful things for me. He had healed me body, soul and spirit, He had loved me unconditionally, He had saved me from myself and the horrible disparity that my life was, He had filled me with His precious Holy Spirit and that Spirit had been such a friend and comforter. He was always faithful, always took me back when I strayed, was always merciful, His grace was ever new, and His power was a wonder to behold. He had been the only true source of love and life in my existence. I knew what my decision would be. Slowly, I turned and started to walk away from the building. The pain washed over me like dark, cold ocean waves. The tears welled up in my eyes - an outward display of my inner torment. Each step forward took me further from the building. Further from the one I had said I loved. But, it drew me closer to my Lord. As I walked I felt the arms of my Savior wrapped tightly around me. I was safe; I was fulfilled; I was loved. "Oh, Jesus," I breathed, "You are so precious to me. I will always choose You over every other thing in this world. Please help me to love You and always choose You. There is nothing in this world that compares to You and the love that You give me." The more I walked the more the presence of God became real. I was suddenly flooded with a sense of deep gratitude for my Lord and everything He had done for me. My steps became lighter and my heart could feel again. The joy of the Lord tugged at the corners of my mouth, the peace of God filled my spirit, and the praises of my Saviour filled my mouth and poured out on my tongue. The precious blood of Jesus had been spilt to redeem me; how could I walk away from a love like that? There was nothing comparable to it, nothing worth giving it up for and I was going to cling to it with everything in me.