A Living Sacrifice

I came to the altar of the Lord and brought with me my sacrifice. It was something very valuable to me; something I didn't want to give up; but it would seem that was what the Lord required of me. So, I reluctantly but willfully knelt at the altar and laid my treasure on it. The tears stung my face as I let go of what I wanted to so desperately to hold onto, but I was comforted by the thought that the Lord would be satisfied with the enormous sacrifice I had just made. With my offering complete I stood up and slowly walked away from the smoke and ashes that were all that remained of my incinerated offering. I felt that surely, now I had pleased the Lord; I had given Him all He asked of me; but, alas, I was mistaken. For, you see, what the Lord required of me was not my offerings but myself. He did not want me to lay things from my life on the altar for Him to consume a little at the time. He wanted me to lay myself on the altar and not get up. He wanted obedience from me rather than a sacrifice. He wanted me and nothing less. The pull to return to the altar and lay myself upon it was growing stronger, but the resistance to it was rising up in me with a fury that grew stronger with each passing minute. Did I really want to give up my entire self to the Lord? Was that really what He required of me? Why couldn't I remain as was - a child of God who enjoyed the blessings of God and sacrificed here and there as I saw fit or necessary? What was wrong with my way of life? Why did I need to change? I was a good Christian, I had strong values and high standards and tried to live up to those things. Why was the Lord demanding more of me? This wasn't fair! I had already given so much of myself to Him; why would He ask for more? Wasn't my commitment good enough? Weren't my sacrifices and works pleasing to Him? I had already given more of myself than most people would ever consider giving. Did I really have to do this? All of my questions were to no avail. The Holy Spirit would not let me go. I knew that what the Lord wanted was me, all of me, and He would not accept no for an answer. As I turned and faced the altar again there was a fearsome battle raging on the inside of me. With each step towards the altar I heard the voice of the Lord prompting me forward and the reasonings of my mind pulling me back. I finally stopped in my tracks and knelt in prayer. I knew that what the Lord was asking of me was right, and I wanted to be obedient, but I knew I could not do so on my own. I asked the Lord to help me make that long trek to the altar and help me lay myself on it. Suddenly, I was reminded of my Savior and His sacrifice for me. He laid Himself on the altar for me. He gave Himself, holding nothing back, and suffered as the ultimate sacrifice for me. As I recalled the things He suffered on my behalf and realized the blessings I had received as a result of His suffering I was filled with a renewed sense of love for my Jesus. That love drove me to my feet and started me once again on my walk to the altar. I knew that I was still unable to make this sacrifice on my own, but my love for my Lord drove me to obedience and the Spirit of Jesus in me gave me the strength to press on. As I continued on a vision of my Lord was implanted in my mind and I focused on that, finding that when I looked at Him I lost sight of all else and my mind was set on pleasing Him. Finally, I arrived yet again at the front of the altar. This time it was not a sacrifice of things that I placed on it, but myself. I surrendered myself to the Lord, lay myself down, and bound myself to the altar, never to get up.
Romans 12
I APPEAL to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of [all] the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies [presenting all your members and faculties] as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship.