I've been reading through some of the old posts on my blog, and in doing so, I've noticed several things. First, writing in one giant block of text is really not a good idea. It makes it very difficult to read. My apologies to any of you who have read or will read those posts. Second, if you read through my blog from start to finish, you may notice some contradictions in things I said earlier versus things I've written more recently. So, let me attempt to clarify those contradictions.
Over the years I have had this blog, my thought processes, my knowledge bank, and my experiences have changed. As a result, some of my beliefs and ideas about things have changed. I think that's a good thing. Growth indicates that something is not now what it once was. I like to think that since starting this blog I have grown. As I have gone back and viewed some of the things I wrote, I find that I disagree with myself on certain viewpoints I had 5 or 6 years ago. In particular, some of my views on dating and determining what a Godly life look like are very different. I am not nearly as rigid about these things as I used to be. Again, I view this as an indication of growth in my life. My desire for this blog was to always be open and honest about what I was thinking or feeling and to put things out there for people to discuss. In that spirit, I have decided not to remove or edit any of the posts that have content in them that could be considered as contradictory to my current views and beliefs. I have no wish to hide what I once was. Rather, I welcome the opportunity to be reminded of the growth and grace that has followed me on this journey.
In addition to wanting to clear up some things about my blog as a whole, I have something I want to say. Reviewing my past posts has caused me to remember quite a few things, to relive moments and feelings. That has led me to feel a need to extend an apology to a certain group of people. There are those who knew me and were an intimate part of my past life who were the recipients of many harsh words and judgmental thoughts from me. To that group of people in particular I wish to say this:
I am so very sorry for the words and actions I am responsible for that hurt or wounded you in any way. I am sorry for the judgments I passed and for the missed opportunities to truly know you and love you. I am sorry for the times I allowed legalism and an ungodly spirituality to control me and use me to hurt you and others around me. I am sorry that I was not able to stand up for the weak and the oppressed among us, sorry that I allowed pride and arrogance to rule me rather than mercy and grace. I am sorry for my part in continuing the work of an organization that abuses people and seeks to remove Jesus from His rightful place in people's lives. I am sorry that I allowed feelings of spiritual elitism and self righteousness to fill me up and cause me to do harm to those around me. If I have abused you, lied to you, harmed you, disrespected you, or mistreated you in any way, I am truly and deeply sorry and I ask for your forgiveness.
This is a bit of a somber post, I know, but it needed to be written.
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