Memories

It's funny how memories can affect you. I often wonder what the brain is doing when you remember. How does it know which areas of the brain to trip to cause the emotions you feel and the reactions you have? For me, memories have a very deep impact on me. I can't get away from the flood of emotions that wash over me when I am remembering something. It's funny too because I have an excellent memory. I wonder if that has anything to do with why my memories have such a strong impact on me. I received some news this morning that shouldn't have been too terrible, but it really impacted me. As I was going over the information and what it meant, I found myself wondering why I was having such a strong reaction to the news. Then I realized it was the memories associated with this news that were affecting me so strongly. I was immediately transported from my room to a time not long ago when there was so much pain and grief. A time when I was not able to deal with that grief in a very good manner. The news caused me to remember and the remembrance brought to mind the pain. Then it dawned on my that I had never really gotten over what I was remembering. I had sort of "dealt with it" in an attempt to keep going and not collapse from the weight of everything that was happening, but I had never really allowed myself to grieve over it and let the grief takes its course. There had been so many other tears to shed that the thought of anymore was unbearable at the time, and yet, now the tears seem to flow so freely. Almost as if they have been waiting all the time for their chance at release. It's funny how we are. Although the events for which my memories have taken me back happened nearly 10 months ago, they are still so vivid in my mind, and this time there is little else there to push the emotions down, to keep them back until a later time. That means that I should deal with them, go through the process of grieving; but I am still not ready to do that, or perhaps I do not know how. So, I suppose I will have my little release and then box up the emotions until a later time, when I really can face them, or until another memory brings them to mind.