Waiting

Today I am home sick for the first time in a while and I figured it was a great opportunity to blog. There's been so much going on in my life and my rush hour traffic brain has had a hard time staying focused on any one thing in particular. I don't like being sick, but it does afford me the chance to slow down and collect myself, so that's what I'm doing. It's funny how this comes at a time in my life when waiting seems to be the thing to talk about. It all started a few weeks ago. I've been really anxious about several things: getting a new job, wanting to find a new place to live, needing to make enough money to pay my bills, wanting to start a family, along with several other everyday worries. Of course, I guess it really all started last year when I didn't make it into a doctoral program and my grand plans were dashed into a million pieces. I had been following this nice little road map I had come up with for 3 years and then suddenly, the map was ripped out of my hands and burned up. I had no idea where to go next and what I was supposed to be following. I went into emergency mode and made decisions based on the only options I had in front of me, but I was devastated and my heart wasn't in the new path I was on. As the months went by I learned how to enjoy where I was and relax in not knowing what was coming next. I still had no map to follow, but the road I was on would last for at least another few months, and surely by that time another road would open up. That was my thinking, and I was at peace with that. Then, the few months ran out and I found myself once again without a map but needing to move forward. I wasn't sure what I was going to do and the thought of having to make decisions without knowing which ones were right was scary. The thought of having to wait for a right answer and knowing that I would probably have to wait again for the next right answer was very unsettling. I like knowing what's coming next. I like having a plan. I like maps. Then, 2 weeks ago, things started happening, as if some Play button somewhere had been pushed and the tape of my life was now rolling. My job situation became tumultuous and I wasn't sure whether to start looking for a new one or try to wait out the storm. Within one week it became clear what it was I was supposed to do, the right choice was outlined for me, as though a piece of the map had been handed back to me. Mr. Darcy and I need to find a new place to live but nothing seemed to be working out. Then, avenues we had never before thought of walking down began to open up and help for the journey seemed to fall into our laps. Another piece to the map was provided. Mr. Darcy and I really wanted a dog and withing 2 weeks we had the perfect fit for us. She is wonderful and has brought so much joy to us. Of course, she has also brought responsibility as well, but that is a good thing. Great preparation for that family we both want so much! :) There is still plenty of waiting to do, and I am still learning to wait graciously, but I have learned in the past few months that even though I may not have a plan or a detailed map to follow, I am not lost. There is a plan, and Someone does have a road map that I am following. The difference is that I have to learn to hear His voice and watch for his leading if I want to know where I am supposed to go. I am not guaranteed that I will have all the answers ahead of time, or that I will ever have all the answers, but I am guaranteed that I will always have a travel guide and He will always lead me in the paths that are right and best for me. In the times when I cannot see what I should do next, or do not know with path to take, I have only to wait for Him. He will lead me, He will show the way. I might have to wait hours, days, months, or years, but my waiting will not be in vain, and the option of not waiting is really no option at all.