My Movie Moment

Today was a day like any other, until it happened -- my movie moment. I had met my Mr. Darcy for a cup of coffee on the university campus and was enjoying the beautiful Tucson weather when I realized that my family was out there as well performing their music. It's been almost a year and a half since I performed with them and I have moments when I really miss them; miss the music. We had split ways because my focus is more on my academic pursuits rather than my music. I still perform every now and then but it is not an every day thing anymore. My family is not really O.K. with that and so we have gone our separate ways. As Mr. Darcy and I finished our coffee and started strolling across the campus we passed my musical family. I'm not sure if they noticed me, but I made no attempt to catch their attention. I thought that perhaps on my way back to my lab I would stop by and say hello. I did actually have some news for them. I had heard from my 5th and final graduate school and the verdict was admittance. I had made it into two top ten schools and one top twenty-five school. I was on the waiting list for another top ten school and another strong university. I had not been rejected at any of the schools. This outcome had far exceeded my expectations for my graduate applications and I was very excited about the prospects in front of me. I have such a feeling of anticipation and impending change, change for the better. I am finally starting to live my dream and I would like for my family to be a part of that. So, as I said good bye to Mr.Darcy and headed back to the lab I wandered in the direction of where my family was performing. As I got closer I could make out the voice of one of my sisters singing. She was belting out a very bluesy rendition of "Amazing Grace". I used to sing that song with them. It had been my song. The memories started to flood my head and I was transported back to the days when we performed together. As my brother played a sax solo I realized how much I missed hearing such good music. It was truly soul music. I could feel it in the deepest part of me, take hold of me, and the intense desire to join in grabbed me. I almost started singing out loud on the university campus! As I continued to walk closer to where they were the music grew louder and completely engulfed me. If there was anything true about my family it is that they are truly exceptional musicians. They know how to make music and when they were singing about things that meant something to them they were even more phenomenal. They were completely engrossed in the song. They did not see me approach them. I stood at the back of the stage and watched them. I saw my mom smiling as she played her bass guitar, my brother closing his eyes as he sang with everything in him, my sister playing the drums like it was her favorite thing to do in the world, and my other sister belting out her notes with the skill of a trained musician and the heart of a true artist. It was lovely, wonderful, and bittersweet. I knew that the moment I told them my good news the smiles would be gone, the enjoyment would drain from their eyes, and the warmth I felt from their music would turn stone cold. As I stood their and watched my family I realized that I was no longer a part of them. I was free. Free to pursue my hopes and dreams, free to pursue my God-given purpose in this life, free to be who I really was rather than the hologram my family had created for me, freed from the bonds that my family had for so long encouraged. While the music still pulled at my heart strings I knew that I could not go back. I could not re-enslave myself to something that was not meant for me. I would never forget my family and the good times we had together and I would never stop loving them but that part of my life was over and it was time for me to move on. With "Amazing Grace" pealing through the air in a perfect blend of my family's voices and instruments, I turned and began to walk away. Oh, the freedom I felt as I happily, purposefully walked away. If they saw me leave I hope they noticed that I was not down-trodden or sad. I was strong, invigorated, completely in love with life and most importantly my Saviour, Who had poured out His grace on me so that I might be everything He wanted me to be. I felt like I was in the closing scene of a movie when the music blares loudly and the main actor walks off the scene as the camera zooms out. It was an ending for me; a glorious, wonderfully dramatic (as the artist in me does like some drama), meaningful ending. It is done and now I can move on to the next chapter of life.