Perplexed!!

I'm up late, well past my bedtime, because I can't sleep. The thoughts keep swirling around and around in my head and the possibilities leave me feeling sick. I have so many decisions in front of me and I have absolutely no answers. I know how I want things to go but I have been most firmly assured that they will not happen that way. I have in front of me my dreams of the field I want to work in and on the opposite side is the one I want to be with. And yet, I wonder if this is really what I want. I know I want to go on to graduate studies and doctoral studies. I have been writing about it on here for the past two years. I finally got accepted to a couple of programs and now it seems the decision facing me is not what is best for me but what is best for "us". I feel like if I make the best decision for me then I will be betraying the person I have said I want to be with forever. Yet, he can't even seem to bring himself to make the arrangement permanent. It seems that if I choose what is best for me then I will be walking away from the only person I have ever really loved and all the dreams I have with him, but if I choose to stay with him I have no assurance that I will ever have fulfillment of my dreams. I feel like I can't really tell him this because then he would say that I am pressuring him into doing what he is not ready to do, but what about me? I need some assurance here! This not knowing is KILLING me! I absolutely hate it with everything in me. He tells me things and reassures me with words, but what are words? How are they reliable? I have known many a words that were spoken by many a trustworthy person that had no more substance to them than the air particles it took to breathe them out. What makes him any different? I'm not saying that he is not, just that I am not sure I know how to trust him like that. I want to trust him, I want to believe him, but I have nothing to back it up but words, and I have been burned so many times with words. I don't think I can keep going like this. It is literally tearing me up. What do I do? I don't even know how to begin to handle it. I guess that means it is back to my knees with a whole lot more praying to do. I want to make the right decision for me and I am hoping that it will help things work out with me and my love, but what if it doesn't? How do I choose? Why do I have to? I am very much perplexed!