This Weekend

WOW! God is so awesome! My weekend was incredible. All three days were pretty great, but Saturday night and Sunday morning were the best parts of it all. Saturday night I had a performance for which I had to drive out of town to go to. It was the first traveling I've had to do in a while, so that in and of itself was pretty nice. Once there, the event went really well. There were a lot of military personnel at this event including several generals and high profile officers. It was so much fun to talk to several active duty soldiers and then to meet the different generals. The most striking thing about every single one of them was their humility. Here were men who have a great deal of power and authority and yet they were very cognizant of those around them and did not exude an attitude of superiority but rather one of commonality. As I shook one man's hand, he told me what an honor it was to have me there that night and to hear me sing and all I could think was what and honor and a privilege it was to perform for him. The whole evening was just incredible. There were so many things that happened that I wouldn't be able to post them all here but it was truly one of the most memorable events of my life. Then, Sunday morning I had the most wonderful time in church. We were having communion so all the music we sang was on the subject of the death of Jesus and His sufferings. As I sang of what Jesus did for me and what it meant in my life I was overcome with a powerful sense of the love of God for me. It was so overwhelming to realize the length, depth, and height of that love, and even then I didn't know all there was to know about how much the Lord loves me. Because of His love for me my heart was filled with love for Him and the determination to serve Him, always watching and waiting at the foot of the cross to hear His next command, to receive His next direction. The whole service was great. The presence of God was so strong and the opportunity to be there and to remember what Jesus did for me and how it has and will affect my life was more than what my weary soul needed to find relief. When all was said and done this weekend I was left with a strong sense of gratitude for my Lord, hope that He is more than able to keep that which we have committed to His trust, love for Him and the call that He has placed on my life, and determination to serve Him, no matter what the cost, all the days of my life.

A Reading For Today

I've been studying a lot recently on what it means to totally follow Christ. I have been looking at discipleship and full commitment of my life to Him for whatever purpose He sees fit. I read this passage this morning and I found it interesting. I have been reminded often of the rich young ruler in the Scripture this posting is talking about. I'll post it and then I have a few comments.

THE "GO" OF UNCONDITIONAL IDENTIFICATION
"One thing thou lackest: . . come, take up the cross, and follow Me." Mark 10:21

The rich young ruler had the master passion to be perfect. When he saw Jesus Christ, he wanted to be like Him. Our Lord never puts personal holiness to the fore when He calls a disciple; He puts absolute annihilation of my right to myself and identification with Himself - a relationship with Himself in which there is no other relationship. Luke 14:26 has nothing to do with salvation or sanctification, but with unconditional identification with Jesus Christ. Very few of us know the absolute "go" of abandonment to Jesus.
"Then Jesus beholding him loved him." The look of Jesus will mean a heart broken for ever from allegiance to any other person or thing. Has Jesus ever looked at you? The look of Jesus transforms and transfixes. Where you are "soft" with God is where the Lord has looked at you. If you are hard and vindictive, insistent on your own way, certain that the other person is more likely to be in the wrong than you are, it is an indication that there are whole tracts of your nature that have never been transformed by His gaze.
"One thing thou lackest . . ." The only "good thing" from Jesus Christ's point of view is union with Himself and nothing in between.
"Sell whatsoever thou hast . ." I must reduce myself until I am a mere conscious man, I must fundamentally renounce possessions of all kinds, not to save my soul (only one thing saves a man - absolute reliance upon Jesus Christ) - but in order to follow Jesus. "Come, and follow Me." And the road is the way He went.

How many times in my life have I had that strong desire to follow Jesus, but when He tells me what is required I shrink back? There is definitely a counting of cost involved in following the Master. The Scripture talks about not starting something you can't finish, even in terms of service to Jesus. You must first look at what it really means to serve the Lord, to take up your cross and follow Him. This is, many times, the hardest part of Christian living. We want to do what is right, what is noble, but we also want our rights to ourselves. We want the blessings of following Him without paying price that is required. That, however, is not possible when you are following Jesus. Only absolute obedience to the direction of the Lord will be pleasing to Him, but He does not leave us destitute in this difficult decision. He promises that His grace is sufficient to carry us through the sacrifices we will make and the struggles we will face as we walk the road He leads us on. He promised that His yoke was easy and His burden light, and when you are totally focused on Him, full of love for Him, and letting Him carry you all the way, you will find that indeed His load for you is so much lighter than anything you will ever carry on your own.

Me. . .For Now

I had so many things I wanted to write floating through my head, and now that I am sitting at the computer I can't seem to put my thoughts into words. I could talk of my plans for the future and where I think I will be in a couple years, or about all the good things the Lord is doing in my life, or about all the funny things that have happened in my life over the past few days. There really has been so much going on. I didn't know for a couple of days there whether or not I was going to post because of all the things going on and how overwhelming things seemed to be. I wanted to just post music, but that didn't work. I either couldn't find the songs I wanted or I couldn't find songs that said what I wanted them to say. I have had several really good days and several really bad days. I don't want to say my life is terrible; that just isn't true; but this is one of the hardest times of my life. I am finding that it is a chore to get out of bed every morning and make myself face another day. It takes me about two hours to compose myself enough to handle whatever comes my way. I'm not totally out of sorts, just exhausted - mentally, physically, emotionally. I won't say spiritually because I don't think that's true. My relationship with the Lord has never been so good as it is right now. I am closer to Him than I have ever been and He is more real, more precious than He has ever been. I'm in sort of a strange state of mind. I am not sad, yet there is a side of me that is grieving. I can still laugh and do so rather frequently, yet crying is a daily occurrence. I am at peace, yet frustrations are still present. There is so much around me that encourages me to give up on everything, yet my faith is still resolute, although it seems to be with a strength not my own. I feel like I have been thrown into some sort of fire that I have to live through for the next little while; as though I am being tested in some way or another. I am not afraid of failing the test so long as I keep my eyes fixed on the Author and Perfecter of our faith; but I am afraid that my eyes will drift and my focus will shift to something that is less sure, less steady, and less able to help me endure. I feel as though I am fighting a battle every day and some days there are victories and some days I have to retreat, but every day I must fight, no matter what the outcome, and with each day I feel my Saviour helping me grow stronger, helping me be victorious. Every day I learn more and more to lean on Him and let Him fight for me when I cannot fight and help me fight when I have the strength to do so. As each struggle comes and goes and He molds me into what He wants me to be I find that I trust Him more and more and rely on Him to perform His perfect work in me as I sit back patiently and watch Him make something wonderful of my life.
These words to an old song keep rolling around in my head and I find that they make a very appropriate prayer for me right now:
I am weak but Thou art strong.
Jesus keep me from all wrong.
I'll be satisfied as long
As I walk, let me walk close to Thee

Just a closer walk with Thee.
Grant it Jesus; it's my plea.
Daily walking close to Thee.
How I pray, Oh Lord, I'll walk with Thee.

Through this world of toils and snares
If I falter, Lord, who cares?
Who will all my burdens share?
None but Thee, Oh Lord, none but Thee.

Just a closer walk with Thee.
Grant it Jesus; it's my plea.
Daily walking close to Thee.
How I pray, Oh Lord, I'll walk with Thee.

The Decision

I stood outside his building wondering what to do. He was inside and with him were all my dreams, my hopes, my heart. Outside was a future without him and a dedication to something I knew was far greater than the desire that held me rooted to the sidewalk. I wanted to rush in and find him, to tell him how much I loved him, to tell him I would do anything to be with him, but I could not. My entrance into that building would be a forsaking of the single most precious thing in my life - my Jesus. He was leading me away from that building, away from my attraction. He had placed the cross in front of me and now I had to choose what I would do. Would I pick up that cross and follow Him, to the ends of the earth if necessary, or would I lay it down and follow my own desires? My mind was numb from the struggle that had been raging inside me and my heart could feel no more from sheer exhaustion. I stood looking into the windows of the building wondering where the one I sought was. He seemed like the answer to so many of the questions of my life, the filling of the void I had. But, then, my thoughts turned to my Saviour. He had done so many wonderful things for me. He had healed me body, soul and spirit, He had loved me unconditionally, He had saved me from myself and the horrible disparity that my life was, He had filled me with His precious Holy Spirit and that Spirit had been such a friend and comforter. He was always faithful, always took me back when I strayed, was always merciful, His grace was ever new, and His power was a wonder to behold. He had been the only true source of love and life in my existence. I knew what my decision would be. Slowly, I turned and started to walk away from the building. The pain washed over me like dark, cold ocean waves. The tears welled up in my eyes - an outward display of my inner torment. Each step forward took me further from the building. Further from the one I had said I loved. But, it drew me closer to my Lord. As I walked I felt the arms of my Savior wrapped tightly around me. I was safe; I was fulfilled; I was loved. "Oh, Jesus," I breathed, "You are so precious to me. I will always choose You over every other thing in this world. Please help me to love You and always choose You. There is nothing in this world that compares to You and the love that You give me." The more I walked the more the presence of God became real. I was suddenly flooded with a sense of deep gratitude for my Lord and everything He had done for me. My steps became lighter and my heart could feel again. The joy of the Lord tugged at the corners of my mouth, the peace of God filled my spirit, and the praises of my Saviour filled my mouth and poured out on my tongue. The precious blood of Jesus had been spilt to redeem me; how could I walk away from a love like that? There was nothing comparable to it, nothing worth giving it up for and I was going to cling to it with everything in me.