Thoughts On Life

There's an interesting note on my fridge. Life is just around the corner. Hmm. I was under the impression life is now. Sometimes I act as though it is just around the corner and in the meantime I am waiting for whatever will happen to happen; but life is happening right now. Sure, there are twists and turns, and I am sure there are several corners for me to turn, some that are nearer than I think perhaps, but life is never just around the corner. Not that I want to pick on whoever posted the note. I'm glad you posted it. It just caught my attention and I had to comment. There is some truth to it, though. What life will turn out to be is unseen. Living life with a sense of expectancy is a good thing, especially when the expectancy is of something good. Actually, it's funny that the note was there because I wanted to post on life and my general attitude towards it anyway. As with everyone, there are thing that I have struggled with in my personal life since I was a small child. There have been thing that I have allowed to hold me back and keep me from pursuing my dreams and accomplishing my life goals. I am not realizing this now for the first time; it really hit me about three years ago and I have been working on it ever since. You know the old saying, "Rome wasn't built in a day"? Well, bad habits and poor outlooks on life and of yourself aren't destroyed in one either. It took me twenty years to reach the very sad state I was in, and it will take me some time to fully pull myself out of it. Of course, it is very helpful that I have a wonderful Friend Who always is so faithful to help me and show me things I need to do and changes I need to make to get me out of the pit I was in. Three years ago I asked the Lord to show me every area in my life that needed healing, needed to change, and needed me to allow God to do His work in me. In the past three years it has been hard to face some of the things about myself that I have seen, it has been hard to face the weaknesses that I now know I have, and it has been hard to not only face but deal with the immense amount of hurts that I had accumulated in my short life. I posted last week that I had allowed hurt and pain and my emotions to be my lord instead if Jesus, and I am finding that is more true than I ever thought. However, Jesus has been faithful to help me through all the different things I have dealt with and He is still faithful to help me now. It has been some time now since I lost focus of what I was doing and what I wanted to accomplish with my life and I have allowed my emotions and my desires to get the better of me. In short, I have been acting very foolishly. However, I was reminded of my prayer three years ago, and although facing what you are like and allowing the Lord to change you into what He wants you to be, into the whole person He designed you to be, is hard the thought of ignoring Him and living this life as though He did not exist is unimaginable. I would so much rather let Him do His work in my life and endure the pain of the process and the joy of the outcome than to continue on the way I am foolishly thinking my feeble attempts at fixing myself will ever amount to anything more than a patched up, barely held together person that has little purpose or design to their life. Perhaps you think that is ridiculous and you feel that you have the power within yourself to change who you are and what you are and you believe your life is great with no need for a God to tell you what to do and how to live your life. That is your prerogative and your right. I choose to believe differently because I know differently and each person will act on what they know. I have known Jesus for close to twenty years and He has never failed me, never done me wrong, never not helped me when I asked or even when I needed it and didn't have the good sense to ask, never been anything but a wonderful Friend. I was looking back over my life this weekend and it dawned on me that through all the years and the heartache I suffered (and being emotional I have suffered quite a bit) the only consistently good thing in my life has been my Saviour. People have failed me, my family has failed me, my church has failed me, and I have failed myself; but Jesus has always been true to me, has always been there for me and has never failed me or forsaken me. Yet, I can see so many times when I rejected Him, turned Him away, refused His help thinking it was not enough. Oh, how stupid and foolish that was! Thank God He does not base His love and actions towards us on our behavior towards Him. I know it has taken me several years to come to this conclusion, and perhaps that is too long a time for most, but I now know, absolutely know, there is no friend like Him and there is nothing more satisfying in this life than knowing Him. He truly is everything that I have been looking for.