In today's world it is almost expected that if you are a strong woman with any sort of opinion or intelligent thought processes then you must be a feminist. I reject that thinking with everything in me. I have never, nor will I ever be a feminist. I have had my issues with men and I have struggled with a strong hatred or resentment of men in general. There have not been many men in my life who were decent human beings and knew how to treat someone with love and respect. Most of the friends I had growing up had no father to speak of. My world was very much female-dominated and there was usually plenty of male-bashing to be had. I can think of only a handful of men that I knew that were good fathers, loving husbands, kind people who knew how to be real men. In my short adult life I have been treated with disdain more than once simply because I am a woman. I have been turned down for jobs, been made to feel that I am not good enough, been patronized, been propositioned with trading "my services" for something that should have been mine without anything in return, and even had my intelligence ridiculed all because I am a woman. Is this infuriating? Absolutely. Does it make me feel like I have to prove something? Yes. Does it make me hate men? Thankfully, I can finally say, no. Yes, the above experiences do leave a bad taste in your mouth and it is easy for me to see how the feminist line of thinking was developed and then fostered among women. I am sure that my experiences are not anything close to some of the things other women, especially those in earlier generations, experienced. I cannot imagine being told I could not vote merely because I was a female, or being told I could not study any field I wanted to because my small female mind couldn't comprehend certain things. I would definitely revolt against anything like this and I am so glad that women who came before me did. However, there are some things about the feminist ideals that I simply cannot accept because they are just as dangerous to women as the male-chauvinist thinking that is still existing in our society today. Asserting that women are just like men or that they can do anything a man can do is setting us up for failure because the truth is we can't and to demand that of ourselves is unreasonable just as demanding of a man that he give birth is unthinkable. One of the great things about the human race is the fact that there are so many differences and gender is a part of this. The differences between men and women should be viewed as assets and not be used to brow beat one or the other. Both sexes have their good points and their bad. Women should be treated with equality but they should not use their fight for equality to crush everything about men, including the good. Maybe I'm lazy or just too old-fashioned but I don't mind one bit if a guy wants to hold a door open for me or gets out of the car to pump the gas when we are at a service station. I don't mind if he wants to do the heavy lifting or wants to do anything for me that he can do better than I could. I am not offended in any way. I know I can hold my own and I work hard, but I am not offended in the least if a guy wants and actually offers to help me with something. Maybe I'm just dumb, but I think it's sweet and I find myself wishing there was more of that sort of chivalrous behavior nowadays. I like feeling like I'm special (not weak) because I'm a woman. I don't think that allowing a man to treat you with honor and respect is a sign that they think less of you or are patronizing you in any way. I just think they actually care about you enough to notice that you may need help and then do something about it. The other thing I think is a travesty, and I mentioned this a few weeks ago in a post, is the way in which feminists have made it non-PC to be a man. The message is: don't assert yourself, think more like a woman so you can be in-tune with women, never appear stronger than a woman, get in touch with your feminine side. No, all feminist don't assert this, but it is a direct result of feminist thinking and ideology. Feminists assert that women and men are equal and they do this by making women appear more masculine and men more feminine. The problem is that this takes away from the intrinsic good qualities of both genders. Men are forced to become more female in their thinking and as a result, many times they lose the qualities that define them as men. There is nothing more pathetic, in my opinion, than a man who is lead around by a female. It's truly sad to see a man who allows a woman to run all over him and he never says anything about it, never puts his foot down and demands that she stop for one instant and actually listen to what he has to say, and above all never takes the lead in the relationship and acts the part of the man. In contrast, there is nothing more attractive, in my opinion, than a man who is not afraid to actually stand up for what he thinks, takes great pride in taking the lead in a relationship, is not afraid to put a woman in her place if it is necessary, wants to protect those he cares about, and knows how to be a strong man. Speaking strictly for myself and my female way of thinking, there is nothing more assuring than the firm grasp of a man's hand or being held in a man's strong arms and there is nothing quite like feeling safe in the presence of a man who you know will do anything to protect you. No, I'm not saying that women are to be mousy, or lorded over by men, or never have a role in a relationship. I'm not saying that men should be totally domineering and ungentle. I'm saying both people play an important part, but neither one can play the other's role better than the gender for which that role was intended. Men fail miserably at being the women in a relationship and women never can quite pull off the male role. I guess I could sum it all up by saying that while I agree and would fight for more equality among the sexes I wouldn't trade the inherent differences for the world, and that is what feminism seeks to do, at least at some levels. I am all for being a strong woman and I'm even for being independent, but I am also 100% for men being strong and even what some would consider domineering in some instances. How else is one going to sweep me off my feet?
A quote just for fun:
"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."
--Timothy Leary
1 comment:
female-paradox wrote:
"One of the great things about the human race is the fact that there are so many differences and gender is a part of this. The differences between men and women should be viewed as assets and not be used to brow beat one or the other. "
Yes! I agree. However, I have a hard time with opinion pieces because they hard to critique. And merely commenting on something as renowned as Feminism would require some research on my part as I am only slightly familiar with their views. It is interesting though to take note of how you see Feminism and certainly a blog post cannot express all your views as accurately as you wish. Such is the limitations of blogging!
With that said, I would like to comment upon a few things. You said that Feminists assert, "that women are just like men or that they can do anything a man can do is setting us up for failure because the truth is we can't and to demand that of ourselves is unreasonable just as demanding of a man that he give birth is unthinkable."
I always here that vague general word phrase "women are just like men" and wonder if the Feminists or a perhaps a specific feminist does say such a thing. But my first instinct is to intuit that this phrase is only used by the media. And next to no one or at least very few feminists would claim this assertation as their own.
A quick word search of the phrase "women are just like men" turned up only 254 hits. A search in Google books for the same phrase turned up only 43 hits from various wide ranging sources.Most of the scholary books in this section do not assert the phrase as valid, rather they actively discuss the use of the phrase as portrayed in popular culture/media. A search in Google Scholar turns up only 18 hits and a brief glance through some of the articles shows again, very few feminists asserting that "women are just like men" and much more people of all types discussing whether or not the phrase is an accurate.
Where did the phrase come from? And why it is so lodged in the popular mind? I would be willing to be that Mainstream media is the cause.
You said that, "Feminists assert that women and men are equal and they do this by making women appear more masculine and men more feminine."
Appear? Hmmm bad word choice. I doubt if Feminsts are really controlling the appearence of men and women. I am sure you meant something more akin to feminists are attempting to change the 'idea' of how we view gender roles in society.
As far as I know, and I don't know much, but Feminism is concerned with equality in social, political and economic roles and not so much the role of a man or woman in a private relationships. (but of course, I am reading on Wikipedia right now that this is not the case among a few select feminist extremists).
" I wouldn't trade the inherent differences for the world, and that is what feminism seeks to do, at least at some levels."
It is really kind wierd to acknowledge that most, if not, all economic, social and political agendas seek to do away with differences and further, seek to convince the "other" to be like just like them! lol Very bizarre behaviour if viewed from an anthropological perspective.
The view can be summed up like this: I am (or the feminists) so special that the people of world must see and experience the world through my eyes, my heart and my feelings? I think not.
But these agendas are asserted anyway in some kind of blind adherence to custom? Tradition? Religious rights over someone else's life and death? Wherever one walks on this world there will be someone, some group, some book there to offer you their ownership, their worldview. Very few people meet you halfway with an authentic sense of true and equal sharing.
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