CAUTION: Before you read any further you must know that the following post will be a bit crazy and most likely not make much sense to any of you, but this blog is not just for you; it's for me too. So, proceed with caution!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What I want to do: Go somewhere - anywhere - outside of Tucson for at least a week. I want to see the world, especially Ireland. I want to go to New York and go to the Met and Broadway and Central Park and the Museum of Modern Art and anything else the city has to offer. I want to go rafting and take an ATV down the beaches at Rocky Point and actually ride a motorcycle rather than just look at one and admire it. I want to go to Washington D.C. and see everything - the mall, the buildings, the Smithsonian (all of it), the memorials, the White House, everything. I want just one night when I can go home, turn my music up as loud as I want and be as crazy as I want and not care what anyone thinks of me. I want to be as silly as a I can be (I actually did some of this last night and it was so much fun!) and talk without having to make sense. I want to not have to think or pretend to be intelligent or actually have to use reasoning to explain life and its workings. I want to be free to act completely and totally insane and not worry about the consequences (I know, that's not reality, but remember this is just what I want, not what will happen). I want to be a nice size 6 so that I actually feel like I a woman and not like She-Ra, so I can at least imagine that I am attractive to look at and not just keep striving to be so with out much success. I want some good man to fall madly in love with me (don't worry, I'm not insane; just momentarily delusional) and actually want to marry me and not just date me for a while. I want the ability to be a nice person, even when I'm having a bad day (actually this want can be met; it just takes hard work, sigh). I want the hurts I have to heal so that I don't keep acting on them and hurting those around me, especially the ones I care about most. I want to be loved for me and not for what someone thinks I can or should be, not because I would be loyal and dependable (not that those are bad qualities, but they are not specific to just me), not because I make you feel good, not because you see me as physically attractive (what happens if at some point you don't?), and most of all not because there is just no one else out there within your reach. I want someone to love me - who I am, both the good and the bad (yes, I am aware there is quite a bit of that), the pleasing and unpleasing, the smart and not-so-smart, and everything else that makes up the complex, crazy, absolutely obnoxious person that is me. Wow, I definitely want way too many things!!!!!
OK, so this was a bit of a rant. Sorry. Please don't take anything too seriously; I'm just ranting to say things I don't normally say out loud. Really, I am quite sane; well maybe not. Anyway, no worries, my balance is returning and I will soon return to the person you are used to seeing here, but I must warn that it might happen again. Return to my blog if you dare.
2 comments:
Sorry, Unknown Poet, but I had to edit your comments and I didn't want them to be totally lost so I reposted them. I will respond eventually!
Ms. Female Paradox said,
" I want to go to New York and go to the Met and Broadway and Central Park and the Museum of Modern Art and anything else the city has to offer."
You, me and any friend of yours in New York City for a week this SUMMER!@ Lets do it! I've got a friend there who can help us find a place to stay and tour us around the city. I've yet to see the MOMA or even Central Park!
Ms. Paradox unleashed -
"I want to not have to think or pretend to be intelligent or actually have to use reasoning to explain life and its workings."
Yeah, okay. Hhhmmm, . . . so are you saying you wanna be a Super Model?
Female-Paradox Paradoxically wrote and I quote:
"I want to be a nice size 6 so that I actually feel like I a woman and not like She-Ra, so I can at least imagine that I am attractive to look at and not just keep striving to be so with out much success."
No you don't! If you were size 6 I wouldn't talk to you anymore. I can't think of anyone who thinks of you as a She-Ra. I saw a She-Ra once. I was 12 years old at Cedar Point (the midwest's Six Flaggs) and saw a female body builder. I couldn't take my eyes off how big her muscles were. she was huge! And i was scared beyond belief that she would catch me looking at her and run over and beat me up! Moral of the Story - Skinny Girls are not attractive. You Aren't She-Ra. And anyone with their head on straight can plainly see that you are very attractive.
I find this greatly humorous and entirely paradoxical to our conversations:
"I want some good man to fall madly in love with me (don't worry, I'm not insane; just momentarily delusional) and actually want to marry me and not just date me for a while."
Some Good Man? Lets go back in time to Jane Austin's Pride and PruneJuice and rename her title Some Good Man. Kind of ambiguous, no referential and vague. Plus, I've been pointing out Some Good Men to you for weeks! Your paradoxical side always says, "He's too Blonde." "He's too short," or "He is just not Hunky Enough for Me." (i've entirely made up that last one You of all people would never say such a thing!!!)
With this next one I am fighting to Not be dragged in to the complete Paradox that you are Ms. Female-Paradox:
"I want to be loved for me" (but if you are a paradox then who are you deep down inside?)
"and not for what someone thinks I can or should be, not because I would be loyal and dependable (not that those are bad qualities, but they are not specific to me),"
You're NOT loyal and dependable? Or are these qualities just not specific to you? What do you mean by ‘specific’? On the paradoxical side of this equation you'd be cheating and irresponsible??!! You'd desert your lover/husband/true mate in an instant? How exactly are these qualities not specific to you? I guess it doesn't matter, as any discussion of the matter will only open up a paradox. (sigh)
"and most of all not because there is just no one else out there within your reach."
Ahah! So your simple Good Man from a couple of paragraphs above now has to be surrounded by captivating women of all kinds, each woman duly playing for his affections, his power and his social grace. And of course, from all these women whom he could so easily chose any single one, you hope, intend, wait for, long for, yearn for him to chose you? I didn't know you wanted to competitively prove yourself to be the sole bride of a man involved with courting and disallowing of a town full, houseful or a city full of women!
Lastly and most leastly, in my view, you are not an: "absolutely obnoxious person"
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