I got home a little late tonight, and I am completely exhausted. Not really sure why seeing as I had nearly 8 hours of sleep last night, but I am. I've been working all day and now I just want to relax. My neice is playing the piano and she sounds like a concert pianist. I love that her years of lessons have paid off because I get to enjoy an hour of nice music several times a week. Tonight she is playing an arrangement of the hymn "Blessed Assurance". I love the song anyway, but the arrangement is really beautiful as well. It makes me want to sing the song. There is something about music that I just can't escape. It has this unbelievable ability to transport me to another world in what seems to be only moments. I can't even really explain it but it goes beyond merely enjoying the music; the music has such an affect on me. It can alter my state of mind or my attitude or can provide such an outlet for releasing whatever it is going on inside me. Ah, the power of music, good music that is.
There are other thoughts running through my head tonight. Like, I miss speaking Spanish. Quiero hablarlo pero no hay nadie quien hablar conmigo. Hoy, cuando tratando hablarlo, no me recuerdo muchas cosas y no peudo hablar muy bien. Que triste! Me gusto mucho hablando espanol. I used to speak with someone almost every day and now I never use it and I'm losing it. What's really sad it that there are some things that Spanish allows you to say that English just doesn't, and besides there are so many things that sound better in Spanish!
I was asked again this week what the status of my love life was and then what my goals are for the future. Normally those two things wouldn't have too much to do with each other, but in my case they seem to be directly linked. For whatever reason I can't seem to settle on any plans for the future that don't include marriage, but there are absolutely no prospects in sight at the moment. Although I do enjoy being single, I am not getting any younger and I can't help but feel like the pause button has been pushed and I haven't started to really live my life. Part of this I call the feeling-like-a-student-for-the-rest-of-your-life mentality. Most people go to college, get out and live their lives. Not me. I'm still here and still feel like I'm a kid waiting to grow up in so many ways. Oh well, I guess that can have its good points, so I will resign myself to keep on enjoying where I am currently at.
Well, this post is starting to sound a little crazy and confusing so I think I will stop it here. Maybe in the next few days I will post things that are a little more coherent or at least truly interesting.
*About Me* My high school career as a student was a disaster. I went to summer school every summer for four years and I still graduated late. It wasn't that I made bad grades; I just didn't do the homework. Math was really hard for me and most of the other subjects bored me. There were a couple that I liked and I actually did excel in a few, but most of the time I did what I wanted to and not what I needed to and I paid for it later. The one thing I can say is that I learned a very good lesson my senior year. I dug myself into quite a pit and didn't think I was going to make it to graduation. Instead of my mom trying to make it easy for me she told me that if I was going to finish it would be up to me. There were many things that happened that year, far too many to relate here, but I can tell you that by the time April rolled around I wanted to graduate more than anything. I spent 4 months straight getting 2 and 3 hours of sleep every night and working almost non-stop throuhgout the day. I completed a year's worth of work in a few months. I did get help with my studies when I needed it and Lord knows I was praying every day even if just to make it through the day, but it was really a time where I was faced with making some necessary life changes and I am so thankful today that I made those changes. I know that God was more than gracious to me and helped me with so many things even when things seemed so impossible or insurmountable. There were many a night when it was just me and Him sitting at my kitchen table trying to figure out all the theorems and rules of geometry and how each one applied to the problem I was working on. Or when I had so many papers due and I really didn't have a clue what to write or how to format it. There were so many things that happened. It was a time of great need in my life but it was also a time of great experiences with the Lord.
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